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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you should say thank you for wedding gifts

93 replies

Stripeystrip201 · 06/09/2022 07:57

My friends wedding was 4 months ago. They went all out-save the date cards, professional invitations, very well catered, exclusive venue, musicians, exotic honeymoon, full works, pre wedding photography etc. All paid for by the brides parents.

The only thing they haven't done is send thank you cards for the gifts. No email or text either. I think it's really rude of them.

OP posts:
Ellmau · 06/09/2022 08:06

Yes, very rude.

Ask them if they received your gift as, not having heard, you're worried it had not reached them.

beccahamlet · 06/09/2022 08:07

Yes. It's mega rude. But sadly not unusual.

oopsfellover · 06/09/2022 08:08

Yea I think it’s very rude not to say thank you for wedding gifts. However I’ve known thankyou cards to come quite a long time after weddings, so maybe they’re still in the pipeline.

Communionmom · 06/09/2022 08:09

Generally, especially a wedding like you describe, the bride and groom are waiting for the wedding photos to come back and then send out thank you cards with the photos on them.

As far as I remember, you can receive a thank you card up to 12 months after the wedding before it’s considered rude.

DelurkingAJ · 06/09/2022 08:09

It may be coming? We had a big wedding and I wrote all the thank yous once we were back from honeymoon…as I had about 100 to hand write (and find something personal to write in all of them) it did take a couple of months, so I probably finished about three months pist wedding.

StottyCakeandJam · 06/09/2022 08:10

It may be that they’re awaiting the official photos & that the photography package includes printed “thank you” photo cards. The last two weddings we’ve been to, this has been the case & the thank you cards have come about 4 months after the wedding. I agree that a thank you is polite.

meditrina · 06/09/2022 08:12

Yes it's terribly rude bit to thank people for gifts.

Ideally they should write as soon as the gift is received (and ideally a good number will be sent before the day itself, individually and/or first tranche from list, so a chunk of the task is done beforehand)

I suspect however that this couple are stationery addicts with a totally misguided belief that the opportunity to buy more stationery is more important that timeliness.

Possibly overlaid with another misguided notion that a printed generic note is fine. Which of course it isn't, because unless they write a couple of sentences for appreciation of the six wine glasses you sent, you have no way of knowing to take it up with the supplier as you ordered and paid for 12.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 06/09/2022 08:12

Same as above, married in August and I think it was November before we got our official wedding pics back, then I had to have thank you cards made. I did however, send a text to everyone the day after the wedding thanking them for their presence and present

Original poster
Stripeystrip201 · 06/09/2022 08:13

oopsfellover · 06/09/2022 08:08

Yea I think it’s very rude not to say thank you for wedding gifts. However I’ve known thankyou cards to come quite a long time after weddings, so maybe they’re still in the pipeline.

I was wondering if they're waiting to have some made with one of their professional wedding pictures.

I think the moments passed though. Better to have sent just bog standard ones sooner.

My parents have asked me a few times if the bride liked the gift they sent. They spent over £100. The bride and groom haven't mentioned it. I'm sure other guests will be thinking the same.

OP posts:
MrMrsJones · 06/09/2022 08:15

I am getting married in 4 weeks, but have already received the thank you cards ready to send out the day after the wedding.

We are away for about a months so they need to go straight away

Very rude to leave it 4 months

PoseyFlump · 06/09/2022 08:18

The last two weddings, we never received a thank you. (Pre pandemic) I think one was £50 in holiday vouchers (as requested)

I think it's rude to ask for specific gifts and then not say thank you for them.

We left early from one because there was no vegetarian food whatsoever and ironically the couple are now veggies themselves 😂

17to35 · 06/09/2022 08:24

One common mistake is the adherence to a spreadsheet so if a non-invitee gives a gift (usually a well meaning older person) they can whistle for their thank you.
Not on the spreadsheet- don't exist.

toastofthetown · 06/09/2022 08:24

Thank you cards for weddings usually arrive 1-3 months after a wedding if they are posting cards out. Messages saying thank you are usually much quicker. Personally I really enjoy receiving cards with a wedding photo on it, and I don’t mind the wait compared to a blank card.

Could the cards have got delayed in the post? I posted my batch of thank you cards all into the same postbox on the same day. Some cards arrived the next day, and some took over a month to arrive (which I only realised when my parents noted they had a card and my grandparents didn’t). Maybe they have been late but there’s been a lot of Royal Mail disruption recently.

KosherDill · 06/09/2022 08:26

Communionmom · 06/09/2022 08:09

Generally, especially a wedding like you describe, the bride and groom are waiting for the wedding photos to come back and then send out thank you cards with the photos on them.

As far as I remember, you can receive a thank you card up to 12 months after the wedding before it’s considered rude.

This is wrong.

The convention is that gifts can be properly sent in the first year of marriage.

Thanks should be expressed as soon as possible; preferably by return post. That nonsense about waiting to include photos is rude.

Original poster
Stripeystrip201 · 06/09/2022 08:32

I just think a timely thankyou is more important than a fancy card.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stripeystrip201 · 06/09/2022 08:32

17to35 · 06/09/2022 08:24

One common mistake is the adherence to a spreadsheet so if a non-invitee gives a gift (usually a well meaning older person) they can whistle for their thank you.
Not on the spreadsheet- don't exist.

True however, my parents did go to the evening do.

OP posts:
Wombat100 · 06/09/2022 08:33

It’s rude not to send a Thankyou card. However, after our wedding we waited for our professional photos to come back so we could use one for the card so it did take a few months before we sent them to be honest.

BusySittingDown · 06/09/2022 08:36

I've been to 3 weddings since December and gave 3 cash gifts. Haven't received a thank you for any so presumed that was the norm nowadays!

Oh actually, one of them did update their FB status with a photo of all the cards saying a general thank you to everyone who attended. Does that count?

Day20 · 06/09/2022 08:39

Ellmau · 06/09/2022 08:06

Yes, very rude.

Ask them if they received your gift as, not having heard, you're worried it had not reached them.

This

TrashyPanda · 06/09/2022 08:39

DD got married earlier this year.

on our advice, she sent out thank you cards each time she received a present. So most were done before she even got married.

If a thank you isn’t done timeously, there really isn’t any point. The time has been and gone. Weddings are no different from birthdays/Christmas etc. the couple wanting to spend even more money on fancy cards is a red herring. Thank gift givers as soon as possible.

Thatswhyimacat · 06/09/2022 08:40

The etiquette is they should be sent within 3 months of the wedding, so they are indeed being rude, although I wonder if the postal strikes have affected them?

Like a PP said, they take forever to write and we didn't actually receive our registry gifts until a few months after the wedding. We wrote the thank yous using the email notifications of what people had bought.

edenhills · 06/09/2022 08:41

I don't send a present to get a thank you card. Why would you care? I have been to many weddings and have no idea if or when I got a card back.

Womencanlift · 06/09/2022 08:41

I agree with pp - waiting months just so you can send one with a photo means the moment has past.

A timely thank you is much more polite. You could get a box of plain thank you cards from Amazon and follow it up with fancy ones later if you so wish.

But waiting months to acknowledge a gift is just rude

5foot5 · 06/09/2022 08:45

StottyCakeandJam · 06/09/2022 08:10

It may be that they’re awaiting the official photos & that the photography package includes printed “thank you” photo cards. The last two weddings we’ve been to, this has been the case & the thank you cards have come about 4 months after the wedding. I agree that a thank you is polite.

This.

A couple we know got married earlier this year and we were invited but couldn't make it. However we sent a present and card anyway. Didn't hear anything for weeks, which I thought was odd because they are a very polite couple. Then we got a thank you card which featured a picture from the wedding and a hand written message.

KosherDill · 06/09/2022 08:47

Womencanlift · 06/09/2022 08:41

I agree with pp - waiting months just so you can send one with a photo means the moment has past.

A timely thank you is much more polite. You could get a box of plain thank you cards from Amazon and follow it up with fancy ones later if you so wish.

But waiting months to acknowledge a gift is just rude

Agree.

They can thank immediately and then send a photo postcard months later if they want to share images from the wedding.