To think you should say thank you for wedding gifts

[Stripeystrip201]

My friends wedding was 4 months ago. They went all out-save the date cards, professional invitations, very well catered, exclusive venue, musicians, exotic honeymoon, full works, pre wedding photography etc. All paid for by the brides parents.

The only thing they haven't done is send thank you cards for the gifts. No email or text either. I think it's really rude of them.

[Need2P]

YANBU

We couldn't go to a cousin's wedding a few months ago due to not having childcare as it was a child free wedding. We still sent a gift but never received a thank you card. Shouldn't have bothered with the gift 🙄

[PoseyFlump]

@Marvellousmadness

I wouldnt be be so entitled to expect a thank you.
Why cant you just enjoy giving vs
The need to be applauded for it

Yabu.
They dont owe you nothing and they arent rude.

'They don't owe you nothing' is the same as saying they do owe you something. So you agree with the rest of us that a thank you is reasonable to expect.

Entitled 😂 so the Granny on a state pension who has taken months putting aside a little bit of money for a wedding gift would be 'entitled' to expect an acknowledgment of that gift? What world do you live in?

[burnoutbabe]

@gogohmm

I've never received a thank you card. I have received an email or text though. Have you received anything at all?

Any firm of communication is gibe by me.

Though not a genetic Facebook message to everyone saying the is for your presents. I want to know they received gift x and know it's from me.

[LT2]

YANBU

When we opened all our cards and gifts we made sure to write what everyone got us so that we could send thank you cards. Very rude not to.

[meditrina]

@Marvellousmadness

I wouldnt be be so entitled to expect a thank you.
Why cant you just enjoy giving vs
The need to be applauded for it

Yabu.
They dont owe you nothing and they arent rude.

See earlier exchanges in the thread.

People want to know that their gift arrived safely, not least so that if a company sent the wrong thing or worse nothing, it can be corrected

[gogohmm]

I've never received a thank you card. I have received an email or text though. Have you received anything at all?

[Marvellousmadness]

I wouldnt be be so entitled to expect a thank you.
Why cant you just enjoy giving vs
The need to be applauded for it

Yabu.
They dont owe you nothing and they arent rude.

[meditrina]

@Ooohyeah

I think it’s a generational thing, younger couples care a lot less about thank you cards than the older generations. If I’m giving a gift I don’t expect a hand written note gushing how perfect my gift was. Just say thank you and we’ll move on.

The 'older generation' never thought cards were necessary - letters on your ordinary writing paper were always fine.

Nowadays, since the advent of email, it doesn't even have to be a handwritten note.

It just has to be specific and personal thanks to those who were kind enough to give you something.

Written is usually quicker than ringing each person up, as you'll probably be longer on the phone than it takes to bash out a note.

Emailed letters are fine to those who correspond mainly or entirely by email.

But never underestimate what a positive effect there is from something landing on the mat that isn't admin or spam.

[Ooohyeah]

I think it’s a generational thing, younger couples care a lot less about thank you cards than the older generations. If I’m giving a gift I don’t expect a hand written note gushing how perfect my gift was. Just say thank you and we’ll move on.

[lap90]

Yes, i was never thanked for the money I gave the couple at the last wedding i went to.

[meditrina]

@Ooohyeah

Oh dear we sent thank you cards 4 months after the wedding, I didn’t realise we were so rude! We wanted official photos on the thank you cards so had to wait a while. When I give a gift I’m not bothered about thank you cards anyway, I think they’re dated (just like Christmas cards). As long as I get a thank you when I hand the gift over I’m happy.

Well you do now _ sorry to be blunt, but 4 months is a long time.

Prompt thanks is much more important than printed card.

I know the wedding industry is all for getting people to trade up, but you really really don't need any cards at all - normal writing paper will do. Or use pretty notelets or other correspondence cards if you want something a bit smaller

[Glittertwins]

We had thank you cards made ar the same time the invitations were made so they were all in the same style. Thank you cards went out after we got back from our honeymoon.

[Lemonyfuckit]

Gosh I hope people like you didn't think we were rude. We of course sent thank you cards - handwritten personalised ones. But yes, we waited until we had the first sight of the photos, picked one and it was printed on cards so had to wait until they were ready, and then it took a while to write them all (we both work v long hours) so all in all it provably was a similar timeframe.

[nachoavocado]

@Ooohyeah

Oh dear we sent thank you cards 4 months after the wedding, I didn’t realise we were so rude! We wanted official photos on the thank you cards so had to wait a while. When I give a gift I’m not bothered about thank you cards anyway, I think they’re dated (just like Christmas cards). As long as I get a thank you when I hand the gift over I’m happy.

Why though you could have sent the thank you cards then sent the photo on after.

I think they need to be done after the honeymoon.

[PolliFlinders]

@Stripeystrip201

I just think a timely thankyou is more important than a fancy card.

Agree with this entirely

[nachoavocado]

@LolaJ87

I am one of those dreadful people you're talking about. I got married 6 months ago, and my thank you cards only went out this week. I got pregnant very shortly after our wedding, and by the time we got our professional photographs I was in a bad way.

I basically did nothing until the second trimester kicked in and I was up to it - went through the photographs, picked out some nice ones, had the cards printed up and have done stints of writing out proper personalised thank you messages over the past month (not quick work with carpal tunnel).

We had specifically asked for no gifts or money so were very surprised by how spoiled we were and wanted to take the time to thank people properly. Maybe that is rude, but the etiquette is that you have a year and most will know I've had a complicated pregnancy so hopefully will be a bit more understanding than many on this thread...

No you do not have a year. Presumably you married someone who wasnt pregnant who could have sorted it.

[nachoavocado]

@Ellmau

Yes, very rude.

Ask them if they received your gift as, not having heard, you're worried it had not reached them.

I'd do this

And never speak to them again frankly. Grabby as fuck

[PoseyFlump]

@Ooohyeah

Oh dear we sent thank you cards 4 months after the wedding, I didn’t realise we were so rude! We wanted official photos on the thank you cards so had to wait a while. When I give a gift I’m not bothered about thank you cards anyway, I think they’re dated (just like Christmas cards). As long as I get a thank you when I hand the gift over I’m happy.

But the point is that many people are not 'handing over' the gift directly to the couple. Some weddings I've been to they are just dumped on a table. Or not even seen if paid for via a shop service like John Lewis. Most people on this thread are saying they just want to be reassured their expensive gift was received safely, not some egotistical need for grand gestures.

[Manzana]

I think it is rude not to acknowledge a gift, my partners relation was getting married and had a store wedding list, so we went for a more expensive gift as it was family, that was 5 years ago and we haven't received any sort of thank you.

[Ooohyeah]

Oh dear we sent thank you cards 4 months after the wedding, I didn’t realise we were so rude! We wanted official photos on the thank you cards so had to wait a while. When I give a gift I’m not bothered about thank you cards anyway, I think they’re dated (just like Christmas cards). As long as I get a thank you when I hand the gift over I’m happy.

[Spacerader]

@FangsForTheMemory

Preprinted cards are naff IMO. Someone bought you a gift, the least you can do is write a letter.

But they are saying thank you and have acknowledged your gift, thats all thats needed. Even a text would be sufficient

[FangsForTheMemory]

Preprinted cards are naff IMO. Someone bought you a gift, the least you can do is write a letter.

[Spacerader]

I generally think opinionsay vary by generation.

For example, I dont see it as common for people to have gift registry's, nor do I see it as the norm to send gifts before the weddings, and I never give physical gifts nor does anyone I k ow give physical gifts and find that all the weddings I've been to the couple ask for nothing
Money always ends up being a default, even qhen nothing is asked for(this obviously might not be everyone's experience)

I also see it as quite normal these days for couples to wait for the photos to come back to send out cards, but equally I don't mind if a thank you comes through a text.

[Chilmark79]

It’s just rude.
20+ years ago DH and I were surprised to be invited to the wedding of someone DH hardly knew and I had never met. The wedding list was pretty steep and we ended up buying something more expensive than was really appropriate in the circumstances. When we arrived at the church it was full to bursting- at least 500 guests, with very little catering afterward. The whole thing made us feel like we had been shaken down, along with 400 or so other near-strangers. And the thank you note for our gift was a generic photocopy, not personalised at all beyond addressing the envelope.
Moral of the story- if you can’t be bothered to write 500 thank you cards, don’t engineer 500 wedding presents from people you scarcely know. And if you are keeping it smaller for dear friends and family there’s no excuse for not thanking people both properly and promptly.

[allboysherebutme]

I'd ask them, did they like the gifts. X