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Original poster

To think you should say thank you for wedding gifts

93 replies

Stripeystrip201 · 06/09/2022 07:57

My friends wedding was 4 months ago. They went all out-save the date cards, professional invitations, very well catered, exclusive venue, musicians, exotic honeymoon, full works, pre wedding photography etc. All paid for by the brides parents.

The only thing they haven't done is send thank you cards for the gifts. No email or text either. I think it's really rude of them.

OP posts:
PoseyFlump · 06/09/2022 08:49

edenhills · 06/09/2022 08:41

I don't send a present to get a thank you card. Why would you care? I have been to many weddings and have no idea if or when I got a card back.

Maybe some people care to know if their present was actually received? Especially if it was expensive and they don't have endless pots of money.

KosherDill · 06/09/2022 08:50

edenhills · 06/09/2022 08:41

I don't send a present to get a thank you card. Why would you care? I have been to many weddings and have no idea if or when I got a card back.

Social relationships involve reciprocity. The gifts and notes are part of an ongoing dialogue, not just merchandise/receipts.

One would think recipients would be eager to express thanks.

And there is no traditional etiquette that allows three months (months?!) to send thanks. That's some bollocks made up by the wedding industry.

Alsoplayspiccolo · 06/09/2022 09:43

My nephew got married over 6 months ago.
It was a very small wedding and, other than his sisters and dad, we were the only close family there and we travelled over 150 miles to be there.

A couple of days after the wedding, I sent a card to thank him and his new wife for sharing their special day with us.

We haven’t had any kind of acknowledgment of our (cash) gift, not even an informal DM on FB.

meditrina · 06/09/2022 15:28

The etiquette is they should be sent within 3 months of the wedding, so they are indeed being rude, although I wonder if the postal strikes have affected them?

That's not right. The proper way is as soon as the gift has been received.

Yes, the postal strike might hold things up a bit, but that's a few days, not months!!

Thatswhyimacat · 06/09/2022 15:39

meditrina · 06/09/2022 15:28

The etiquette is they should be sent within 3 months of the wedding, so they are indeed being rude, although I wonder if the postal strikes have affected them?

That's not right. The proper way is as soon as the gift has been received.

Yes, the postal strike might hold things up a bit, but that's a few days, not months!!

If you can't even wait until after the couple have got back off honeymoon before wanting then to start slogging through thank you cards, I question why you bothered celebrating with them at all. Just don't give a gift if you're going to be so transactional and offended about it.

KosherDill · 06/09/2022 17:01

People who consider correspondence "a slog" probably shouldn't be inviting those with whom they begrudge communication.

Gifts are not obligatory merchandise forked over at intervals -- they are a form of communication between giver and recipient. If the idea of responding is so burdensome and dreary, maybe just marry privately or request donations to charity in lieu of presents.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 06/09/2022 17:22

Is it relevant who paid for the wedding? Does it make any difference?
They should have said thank you by now though

TrashyPanda · 06/09/2022 22:15

Thatswhyimacat · 06/09/2022 15:39

If you can't even wait until after the couple have got back off honeymoon before wanting then to start slogging through thank you cards, I question why you bothered celebrating with them at all. Just don't give a gift if you're going to be so transactional and offended about it.

Show quote history

Yes, you thank gift givers as soon as possible. Whatever the occasion.

three months is plain silly.

most gifts are given before the wedding, so the thank yous can easily be done before the actual wedding too. Doing them as the presents arrive means there isn’t a huge pile to slop through after the honeymoon.

TonyGreen · 07/09/2022 09:41

A £100 voucher maybe will be a nice gift

LolaJ87 · 07/09/2022 09:54

I am one of those dreadful people you're talking about. I got married 6 months ago, and my thank you cards only went out this week. I got pregnant very shortly after our wedding, and by the time we got our professional photographs I was in a bad way.

I basically did nothing until the second trimester kicked in and I was up to it - went through the photographs, picked out some nice ones, had the cards printed up and have done stints of writing out proper personalised thank you messages over the past month (not quick work with carpal tunnel).

We had specifically asked for no gifts or money so were very surprised by how spoiled we were and wanted to take the time to thank people properly. Maybe that is rude, but the etiquette is that you have a year and most will know I've had a complicated pregnancy so hopefully will be a bit more understanding than many on this thread...

OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide · 07/09/2022 10:00

DelurkingAJ · 06/09/2022 08:09

It may be coming? We had a big wedding and I wrote all the thank yous once we were back from honeymoon…as I had about 100 to hand write (and find something personal to write in all of them) it did take a couple of months, so I probably finished about three months pist wedding.

How many did the other half of the “we” do?

TrashyPanda · 07/09/2022 10:02

the etiquette is that you have a year

no, it isn’t.

OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide · 07/09/2022 10:04

LolaJ87 · 07/09/2022 09:54

I am one of those dreadful people you're talking about. I got married 6 months ago, and my thank you cards only went out this week. I got pregnant very shortly after our wedding, and by the time we got our professional photographs I was in a bad way.

I basically did nothing until the second trimester kicked in and I was up to it - went through the photographs, picked out some nice ones, had the cards printed up and have done stints of writing out proper personalised thank you messages over the past month (not quick work with carpal tunnel).

We had specifically asked for no gifts or money so were very surprised by how spoiled we were and wanted to take the time to thank people properly. Maybe that is rude, but the etiquette is that you have a year and most will know I've had a complicated pregnancy so hopefully will be a bit more understanding than many on this thread...

Couldn’t the non-pregnant partner in your relationship have done this task?

MonkNun · 07/09/2022 10:12

I take a slightly different view of this. I think thank you cards are the done thing and the right thing to do but it wouldn’t particularly bother me if I didn’t get one.

CornishGem1975 · 07/09/2022 10:19

I waited for the photos, got them printed, and then never got around to writing them all because life got mega busy with a new job. I am 8 months past the wedding and wondered if I've still got time to do it...or if it's ruder to send them so late!

Saying that I've been to four weddings in the past 12 months and not received a single thank you but I don't really think about it or expect it.

LolaJ87 · 07/09/2022 10:36

OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide · 07/09/2022 10:04

Couldn’t the non-pregnant partner in your relationship have done this task?

Show quote history

It wasn't even on our to-do list, he was working full time and looking after me and everything at home. I was sick and we were having additional testing done after our baby was flagged for a potential genetic issue. Then as I started to feel better, he got slammed with Covid. It's been a full on few months which our families and friends are aware of so if someone is annoyed the cards took a while, they must have little to worry about.

We wrote the cards out together, though more of them were for people on my side than on his (I'm from a large, blended family) and I wanted to make each one personal.

Like another poster, I haven't always received a thank you for gifts either. I think saying thank you is important, even if it's later than ideal.

Anotherdopeytaxpayer · 07/09/2022 10:39

It's extremely bad manners not to say "thank you".

burnoutbabe · 07/09/2022 10:43

edenhills · 06/09/2022 08:41

I don't send a present to get a thank you card. Why would you care? I have been to many weddings and have no idea if or when I got a card back.

as how do you know that Debenhams/john lewis etc actually sent it - and also that they were even told it was YOu that sent it - they may know say 2 john&caths and assume iys the other couple

Unless you actually give them the present and they open it on the day in front of you, you have no idea they actually
a) got it
b) know its you

often people mention "cards going missing" at receptions - unless you give a cheque which you can see being cashed, you don't know it wasn't nicked.

very rude to not to post a thanks you quickly. The giver spends 3-4 months wondering "did they get it?/should i contact them/would that look RUDE on my part to chase receipt so i can follow up with my store" - just so they can get a generic card of the day.

far better to just send the thanks, with specific details right away and avoid all the hassle.

burnoutbabe · 07/09/2022 10:46

and i don't even care if i get a card or a text/fb message so says thanks for the voucher/set of plates. Just some acknolegment is all most people want that its been received.

CornishGem1975 · 07/09/2022 11:20

So....do I send my thank you's 8 months late in that case?

burnoutbabe · 07/09/2022 11:26

CornishGem1975 · 07/09/2022 11:20

So....do I send my thank you's 8 months late in that case?

i would. at least then its done. I mean i remember the people who never bothered even though its years later (i mean only remember when we discuss the topic). Or if i see their wedding photos bumped up on their facebook memoroes and i think "yes nice day but they never sent a thanks"

LolaJ87 · 07/09/2022 11:44

CornishGem1975 · 07/09/2022 11:20

So....do I send my thank you's 8 months late in that case?

Absolutely!

RoseAndRose · 07/09/2022 11:47

Maybe that is rude, but the etiquette is that you have a year

It really, really isn't

35965a · 07/09/2022 11:49

I think better late than never. No thank you cards from any of the weddings I’ve been to over the past few years, which I find kind of rude. You spend so much money and time attending the least they could do is thank you for the gift. Even a text would do.

RoseAndRose · 07/09/2022 11:50

MrMrsJones · 06/09/2022 08:15

I am getting married in 4 weeks, but have already received the thank you cards ready to send out the day after the wedding.

We are away for about a months so they need to go straight away

Very rude to leave it 4 months

You don't have to wait until after the wedding.

The traditional etiquette is that you write as soon as each gift is received - so get as many done beforehand as possible.