stay at home mum that expects husband to clean up after himself

[athomemama]

So I'm a stay at home first time mum. I have worked since I was 16 (33 now) independent and honestly always said I would never be a SAHM!
BUT there wasn't much point in going back to work as it just about covered childcare & fuel. I love spending the time with my LG, yes it's hard work having her on my own all day but we keep busy... and i don't mind cleaning the house and keeping everything running. However, since quitting my job, my husband has become a bit of a.... hmmm... TW@! He'll go to work, play with LG & put her to bed, he'll walk the dog for half hour and then sits down til all hours of the night watching TV & playing the xbox. But he's taking the piss with somethings... He doesn't put anything away after he's used it or clean up after himself... It's driving me insane! I'll spend time cleaning round for him to just make a mess! I've tried talking.. arguing.. shouting.. leaving everything out.. ADDING TO IT.. NOTHING WORKS!!!
Am I being petty? Should I just clean up after a 36 year old adult??
Now, I am not asking him to do a deep friggin clean every night (or at all) I just want him to put his rubbish in the bin instead of on the nice clean counter.. and close the cupboard doors.. and pick his bits of food up after he's dropped it.. and clean up the coffee he spilt... IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??
I worry my daughter is going to put something in her mouth her shouldn't or hurt herself on something he's left out... And just to top it off with how tw@ish he has become.... I am having to tell him WHEN TO SHOWER!!!!! Seriously?!?!?! If I don't say anything, two weeks can go by!! He is giving me the total ick!!! 13 years together and this is how he's become....
WTF do I do???

Possibly he’s depressed maybe he needs to see a Mental Health professional? Its not been easy over the last few years for many people with their Mental Health having to live at home in lockdown with Big Brother watching and the constant Fear propaganda. There have also been a lot of suicides too due to the situation with people who look like they were very strong individuals to the outside world. Be grateful you still have a husband and a father for your daughter many don’t.

He sounds depressed, the not washing is indicative.

A lot of men resent their wives for being at home. taking ml or a career break, as if sitting breastfeeding or running round after a toddler all day is somehow protracted leisure time.

Many then expect their OH to do everything. EVERYTHING, because 'doh, she's at home, the lazy cow.' Shopping, housework, laundry, decorating, gardening, fence-painting, paperwork - and they just opt out of life and responsible adulthood within the home.

And then you've got another child.

My ex was similar… gave him three chances and third time off

He won't be blind to it when he has no clean clothes or anything to eat

"BUT there wasn't much point in going back to work as it just about covered childcare & fuel."
There is a point. Your employer continues to pay towards your pension and your career continues to progress. And - your husband has to grow the fuck up and pull his weight or go without. (Without food, clean clothes, etc.)

Explain calmly that what you do is work.

Not only that - make sure he knows that it's work for which you receive no salary, no recognition, and no time off even if you're ill.

But did he want her to do it?

It isn't clear from OP's posts if this actually was a joint decision or not. It needs to be, for it to be fair and for it to work.

OP, was it? Was he as happy for you to stay home as you were?

If the relationship is good, and the OP gets other benefits out of it, you just compromise and live with it.

I've found in my years here that by the time someone's got to posting threads about it, it's gone far beyond whatever incident prompted the thread.

But I do still want to know if this was a truly mutual decision and/or the husband is still happy with it.

SAHPs run the house. They do not pick up after another adult.

I'd be going back to work. Childcare costs are a mutual expense. Tell him it's not sexy when he behaves like a child.

No you're not being unreasonable, he's an adult and as such should be able to load a dishwasher or wipe a side down. Being a sahp doesn't mean you suddenly become his skivvy