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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I keep my daughter off school today

116 replies

Itsaballs · 05/09/2022 07:20

My Dd (11) started her 1st period late last night, I helped clean her up and showed her how to put on a pad, but should I send her to school? She hasn’t had a chance get used to wearing, romoving, disposing and replacing a new pad yet She is in primary school and they only started back last weds.

OP posts:
Lalliella · 05/09/2022 08:33

I’d be guided by what she wants to do. Does she want to stay at home? If so, let her.

Original poster
Itsaballs · 05/09/2022 08:34

I’m keeping her off I’ve decided, she’s a young 11 and is an only child (no big sisters to help her like I had) so my new post/question is… can anyone recommend what to put in an period kit for school bag and send any links to some good brand period pants ? Thanks

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 05/09/2022 08:34

I hope you kept your dd off. It is the first period and she is in pain. My dd was also 11. It happened during lockdown and we were both so grateful for that so she had plenty of time to get used to it.

Novum · 05/09/2022 08:36

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 05/09/2022 08:12

As per the OP she's in primary, so why would it be a new school?

Even if she had just gone up to a new Senior school there's no reason why not going would make her more anxious than dealing with her first period whilst trying to deal with all the other new things.

@Itsaballs I'd ask her if she wants to stay home.

I got my period the night before starting senior school, but I was 13 (overseas) pads were like mattresses! And we had just moved, so I had no friends to tell me you couldn't see it or whatever, it was hideous! Feeling like everyone could tell.

& the last thing a girl wants is for you to tell her HoY/teachers/anyone.

for any youngster just starting, I'd definitely get period pants for them to try.

Show quote history

She might not want the teacher to be told, but it's the obvious thing to do. The likelihood is that the school has some sort of provision in place for girls with periods, whether it's using a designated toilet or whatever; plus they need to know that she should be allowed to use the toilet when she wants, and that they should keep an eye on her in case she's unwell or in pain.

OP, good schools are talking to girls in Year 5 or even earlier about periods, and that includes what to do if they start whilst they're in school. Ask your DD whether her school has done that.

Hmmmwhatnametochoose · 05/09/2022 08:36

50 years ago my mother just gave me a pad. No advice, no sympathy, nothing. Good grief I would have loved the caring attitude that a day off school would have shown me.

Musti · 05/09/2022 08:37

it isn’t that hard. Show her how to change them and tell her to check every toilet break. My daughters went to school the day after starting their periods no problem.

RedHelenB · 05/09/2022 08:38

ChagSameachDoreen · 05/09/2022 07:53

Nope. She needs to learn to deal with her periods. She'll be having them for the next forty-odd years.

Yes, just send her in with the pads and some wipes. Does she know if they have sanitary wear disposal bins if it's a primary school? If not, then I think you will need to let the teacher know. Periods aren't illness, if she feels ok she should be at school.

Whatwouldscullydo · 05/09/2022 08:38

Stop doubting yourself. Uts one day. Shes 11..give her a day to figure it out, Make sure the pads u got her work well for her, and get a proper kit together. Gives you a day to establish the schools facilities etc too.

I mean what exactly does it achieve to send her in just to prove a point.. chances are it will be perfectly simple and figured out quickly. But just in case it turns out the pads dont stick properly or they arent absorbant enough or that particular brand irritate her/give her a rash, or she decides she wants sone period pants fir extra security it gives u a day to find it all out.

megletthesecond · 05/09/2022 08:38

I would as it's not the first day of term. A day to get her head around it wouldn't hurt.

mamabear715 · 05/09/2022 08:39

And why were period pants invented AFTER I went through the change? I could WEEP..

Simplelobsterhat · 05/09/2022 08:40

Isn't a period kit just pads and spare pants? Maybe some little plastic bags / nappy bags in case no bin or some wipes if you can find a small packet in case of needing to get clean after a leak. My dd just takes a pouch with spare pants and pads in and a little plastic bag. I guess if they started getting painful paracetamol but there may be school rules around that (and my dd really struggles with tablets still so would probably rather put up with pain until age can get home for some liquid medicine!)

I need to look into period pants more.

Backtobacknow · 05/09/2022 08:40

Keep her off, she will be better off at home today and one day off hurt no one ever!

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/09/2022 08:41

Dd uses modi bodi. The teen pants and the no vpl ladies if wearing leggings. The teen ones are a lot more absorbent but have lines up the back and are perfect for long days and nights. The largest teen size is about a ladies 10. They have a pouch for your knickers if you get the set. Primark do them as do M&S. idk what theyre like but they are cheaper but we’re not available at the time and dd is all set up. The only Amazon ones I saw were an extra layer and designed to be used with a pad.

mommatoone · 05/09/2022 08:41

My daughter started her period at school this year sges 10. School were fantastic. I would definitely tell them, so they will allow her time out in lessons if she needs to change etc. They also told her where they kept sanitary pads if she needed them.
I bought mine some lilet pads teens they called, so a little smaller. She keeps them in a little makeup bag in her school bag with some femfresh wipes.

Backtobacknow · 05/09/2022 08:41

Hmmmwhatnametochoose · 05/09/2022 08:36

50 years ago my mother just gave me a pad. No advice, no sympathy, nothing. Good grief I would have loved the caring attitude that a day off school would have shown me.

Exactly!

chinuptitsoutonwards · 05/09/2022 08:42

Poor baby :(

Keep her off! I started my periods at ten and my mum sent me in. It was not good.

She’ll be very emotional. Very scared, very nervous and maybe a bit embarrassed - even if she doesn’t articulate it. One day of school be it the first or whatever does not matter.

Also keep an eye out on the products she’s using. My mum put me in full sized sanitary towels and I was so little that they chafed my thighs to the degree the blistered and I needed medication because it got infected.

Upsidedowntoday · 05/09/2022 08:42

Ah bless her, she’s so young. I’d get her period pants - mine use Modibodi or Wuka and both are great, no need to change at school. If heavy, just pop a pad on with them in the morning and dispose of it at lunchtime, the pp will do the rest of the day. I would check with school that she’ll have access to sanitary bins though. Keep her home and let her have a duvet day with treats.

Flatandhappy · 05/09/2022 08:43

Definitely period pants so no faffing around with pads. DD started off with Modibodi, their Red range is good for teens, she prefers Bonds now but I don’t think you would be able to get them (we are in Aus). Send her in with a spare pair to change at lunchtime until she knows her flow better. You can get cute discreet lined zip bags to put the used one in and pop in your schoolbag. I got my period aged 11 in an Irish primary school many years ago - no provision as the nuns assumed we were all too young - they eventually put one sanitary bin in the most out of the way toilet that you had to use permission to use. Pretty much typical of Irish nuns at the time, hope things are better now.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/09/2022 08:44

Backtobacknow · 05/09/2022 08:41

Exactly!

Show quote history

Same. Ten years later than you and she had bought me a belt despite there being stick on pads by the 80s. Despite the advent of NSAIDS the painkillers she gave were what she’d used as a kid.

Roselilly36 · 05/09/2022 08:45

You sound like a lovely mum, pleased you have kept your DD home, I would have done the same in the circumstances.

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/09/2022 08:46

ChagSameachDoreen · 05/09/2022 07:53

Nope. She needs to learn to deal with her periods. She'll be having them for the next forty-odd years.

This. Let her teacher know so she/he can ensure there are facilities for changing and disposal.

mam0918 · 05/09/2022 08:49

When I got my first period I went into my mams room and didnt even have to say anything, she didnt even look up from what she was doing and she just announced 'everything you need is in the bathroom, help yourself'.

It was spectaculaly effortlessly cool, calm and undramatic, I hope I can handle it with such straightfoward grace when its my daughter, I think making a huge song and dance about it and teaching her life suddenly stops for it does her/women a great disservice.

I dont get people who make a huge deal out of periods, 55% of the population get them for half their lives, they're not a disability in themselves (yes some people have illnesses related to them but thats a seperate thing and people overacting about all periods actually takes away from those who legitimately struggle).

eyeroller1 · 05/09/2022 08:49

My DD was at school on her 11th birthday when her periods started… she got sent home, tbf she was distraught, went back the next day tho.

MyneighbourisTotoro · 05/09/2022 08:51

@RedHelenB actually for some girls and women it can be like an illness!
My period causes me to have a fever, I vomit, I get an all over viral rash that lasts 3 days plus on top of all of that I’m incredibly heavy and suffer from horrible cramps and leg pain along with extreme fatigue. I dread my period and my poor dd seems to have taken after me and is having an awful time of it.

SpidersAreShitheads · 05/09/2022 08:52

This thread seems to be full of women whose view is that because they didn't have a day off, then no one else should.

Surely it's about what's best, not what's absolutely necessary, strictly speaking?

A girl has started her periods pretty young, was having nasty cramps last night and doesn't yet know how heavy her flow will be. She's presumably only had to change a pad once, and hasn't had any experience of leakage.

Could she manage at primary school (bearing in mind they often have very poor facilities for periods)? Yes, I'm sure she could. But would it be kinder to let her have a day at home to acclimatise to having periods, to get used to bleeding out of a strange orifice, to get used to the pain and to learn to manage any leakage? Absolutely. To those who say no, why wouldn't you at least offer this to your daughter?? There's no medals for soldiering on. Plenty of time to get used to the monthly fun that comes with periods. She's not more than a little girl FFS.