Should I keep my daughter off school today

[Itsaballs]

My Dd (11) started her 1st period late last night, I helped clean her up and showed her how to put on a pad, but should I send her to school? She hasn’t had a chance get used to wearing, romoving, disposing and replacing a new pad yet She is in primary school and they only started back last weds.

I kept my DD off for 3 days when she started but she was incredibly heavy (changing every 30 minutes) and the doctor has said I should keep her home for a couple of days on her really heavy days until her period calms down and it’s exactly what I intend to do.
I think it’s silly that woman and girls are meant to endure pain and just carry on as normal without a second thought about it, my DDs last period was in the school holidays but she still had two very bad days so despite starting secondary I will be keeping her home if her next period is very heavy at the start.
I think you are being sensible by giving her an opportunity to adjust to it, it’s a big change and it can be an awful lot to deal with.

Giver her paracetamol

Well what does she want to do? If she wants to stay home as she feels uncomfortable and worried about going in then yes keep her off, if though you'd be saying you best stay home I dont think you should. Speak with the teacher and see what provisions they have, our primary didn't have sanitary bins in as another PP has mentioned.

I’m going to be honest and say I find the thought of keeping her off really odd, to learn how to change a pad? It’s not complicated is it?

do what you feel is right, but I do find this whole thread very unfamiliar to me. None of us ever had a day at home to learn how to change pads etc etc.

As per the OP she's in primary, so why would it be a new school?

Even if she had just gone up to a new Senior school there's no reason why not going would make her more anxious than dealing with her first period whilst trying to deal with all the other new things.

@Itsaballs I'd ask her if she wants to stay home.

I got my period the night before starting senior school, but I was 13 (overseas) pads were like mattresses! And we had just moved, so I had no friends to tell me you couldn't see it or whatever, it was hideous! Feeling like everyone could tell.

& the last thing a girl wants is for you to tell her HoY/teachers/anyone.

for any youngster just starting, I'd definitely get period pants for them to try.

Things change. Do you do everything with your kids identically to the 60s/70s/80s? That would be quite weird!

Also OP's child is really quite young, not 14yo where many friends will be in the same boat.

Keeping her off makes it more of a big deal than it actually is.

I think you should send her in. It's not a massive deal and she knows how to change a pad now.

I'd consider mentioning it to the class teacher so she lets her go to the toilet when she needs to, if that's something the school are funny about.

Yep, she does, but she doesn't have to learn how to cope with periods at school the very first day she's ever had one. 🙄🙄🙄

She is in primary school.

One day won’t hurt. She will remember this. For the rest of her life - one day of primary school won’t impact her future

Send her to school. She’s 11, unless she has additional needs she should easily be able to change a pad with no probs. Make sure she has spare pants too.

First periods are usually pretty light.

do you think your parents did everything completely right?

do you know for a fact that no girls got a day off for this twenty or thirty years ago?? How could you possibly know that!

Same here.

It's easy to see the people who got no help, empathy or understanding from their parents, it's filtered right through.

Primary schools often don’t have sanitary bins. I would keep her off with a hot water bottle and get period underwear.

Yes - the menstrual equivalent of 'my parents hit me, never did me any harm'

A good idea to get her used to learning when and how to change tampons/pads.

I was 13 or 14 when mine started and I remember a lot of embarrassing moments trying to deal with it for the first time. I didn't properly understand how to put a tampon in etc (didn't know how far it was supposed to go or how to use the applicator) and was nervous to ask to go to the toilet in the middle of lessons, and there wasn't much time in between.

At 11 I would think she could definitely use a day to get the hang of it.

It’s so sad to see how little empathy there still is from other women regarding periods.

She’s 11 and in primary school. A day of coddling from her mum is exactly what she needs and she will always remember that her mum gave her that extra support when she needed it rather than just packing her off to school because that’s what happened in our day.

I understand people saying she wouldn't want you telling school staff but given what people are saying about primaries not being as automatically equipped I think you'll have to just to make sure she knows what to do- things like that are the tricky but, not the physical changing of the pad, so being home won't help her learn that stuff .

Maybe see how heavy it seems this morning. As I said my daughter was incredibly light at first, and very irregular, and it was only this summer we've had to start dealing with leakages etc, so luckily she was home anyway, but keeping her home the first one wouldn't have helped that. However, if she's in pain it may well be heavier and she might appreciate a day off, but be clear that normally she'll need to rake paracetemol and go anyway with pains unless really extreme, or attendance could become an issue.

Keep her off today, tell the office when you ring why and ask the teacher or a female teaching assistant if the teachers male to keep an eye on her for the rest of the week just in case she has cramps or floods and is paralysed with embarrassment, she's still young and all this will be so new to her.

My 10 year old dd started last month. She took it very much in her stride, but was subdued and wanted a bit of space to get used to it. Took her a couple of days to get used to when she needed to change a towel, how to dispose of it discreetly etc. Although she is only 10, I was actually quite pleased it had happened during school holidays, when we were at home.

I'm usually all for keeping calm and soldiering on, but If it had been a school day, I'd have let her stay home. Yes, she has to deal with this for 40 years, so give her a chance to get her head round it.

@Itsaballs there are some really obtuse posts on your thread, I hope you've let her stay home. I'd talk to her about period pants & go and buy some if she wants to try them, her initial thought might be 'ewwwww' just bleeding into her pants, but she might change her mind if she has some to try.

A day or two off school isn't going to hurt her at all. Being uncomfortable, in pain or leaking at school are horrible..

period pouch. Just spare knickers/pads etc most primaries don't allow pain relief, but if she's sensible I'd put 2 paracetamol separately to her period pouch in her bag, hidden. I'd also put a spare skirt (or whatever she'd normally wear) just in case of a leak.

it's rubbish they have to start dealing with this so young. I know it's not considered youn these days with many starting at 8/9 etc but to me it's ridiculously young! Poor things!

Amazon sell amazing leaking proof period knickers, that give an extra layer of protection which I know gave my daughter more confidence. Wish they'd existed in my day. Wishing her all the best...

Oh bless her I remember when I was the same age I came on mine in school kind of suddenly but nearer the end of the day. I was mortified and wrapped my jumper around my waist for the two hours until Home time. I came on quite heavy too and I couldn’t wait to get home and needed tea and cuddles. This was in Ireland too in a tiny rural primary school with about 50 students and staff total.

There was no sanitary facilities in the childrens bathroom there. I had gotten my first period in the July and I didn’t come on again until September and then the next time I got it was sometime around December! But by the time I came on again in December I had a little period kit going to school in my bag and the teacher would let me use their bathrooms my mam used to say it to them at the start of the day.

period kit I had: spare underwear and a little ziplock bag for the other underwear in case I leaked, plenty of pads! And a little bar of chocolate to be eaten discretely as we had a no junk food policy in school!!

In Ireland I'd keep her off. Much less of a deal with unauthorised absences etc