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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF offering to buy MIL house

84 replies

Glitterlikeawinner · 04/09/2022 15:34

I'm absolutely fuming about a CF behaviour today, but AIBU?

We had the sad day of starting to clear MIL house (mobile home) as she has gone into long term care for dementia. A thoroughly sad situation through and through, today we went through clothes, found old school reports of my husbands etc. Very emotional for both of us.

Anyway, while we were there, there was a knock at the door and this CF didn't even introduce himself but just said, are you selling this place. He goes on to say he's spoken to park owner to enquire about the property as I think he's bought others on park and done them up to resell. I'm stood in the bedroom thinking what a CF, but my DH trying to be pleasant although oversharing completely tells him about his mum and financial situation in the need to sell property. CF continues to talk about he'd basically keep the roof and tear everything else down...my DH family home which his dad built and although old is in a reasonable state of repair. He then proceeds to come in and say how dated the place is. Bloody rude!

I input we're not in any rush to sell and will get a valuation to which he says, you'll only get a few thousand for this. I comment the property opposite, considerably smaller, recently sold for over £100k to which he replies that was newer and you won't get that for this place. My blood was boiling! DH sees him out and the guy says to keep in touch as he's interested. I think there's more chance of pigs flying than us getting in touch with him!!

AIBU? Husband wasn't massively bothered but I was fuming, who does that!!!

OP posts:
Mountainpika · 04/09/2022 16:06

Some people are incredibly insensitive. A few days after my Dad died, I went to his house and the next door neighbour spoke to me and made a few appropriate noises. Then asked if he could have first claim on Dad's lawnmower. He didn't get it. Be firm and don't engage with him any more.

Septemberslooming · 04/09/2022 16:17

Don't engage, tell him he's a CF if necessary

honeylulu · 04/09/2022 16:18

What a nob. We had similar when my grandfather died, within 3 or 4 days we had someone asking if we'd be selling. My grandmother was still living in the house! We were looking to move her to sheltered accommodation but CF didn't know that.

We were gobsmacked by his rudeness and lack of sensitivity. He didn't even acknowledge our family bereavement.

The house was sold a few months later but not to him (grandmother's express wish) though he was still sniffing around.

In any case even without bereavement it's rude to stride around someone's property sneering at the bits you don't like and announcing what you'll be stripping out. I suppose it's to encourage the vendor to consider knocking down the price but these days is a seller's market and they're more likely to show you the door and help you through it with a (metaphorical) boot up the arse.

Original poster
Glitterlikeawinner · 04/09/2022 16:29

Phew, my husband thinks I'm overreacting but house later I'm still seething at this CF. If he dares come round again I'll definitely be more firm and tell him where to go. Honestly, some people...her beds still warm from moving out and this guys berating her cherished home and belongings and telling us he'd rip it down and buy it for pennies. She'd lived there for 40+ years and was very house proud but in recent years with her illness things have become a little more tired. I will be intent on making sure he does not buy the property when it goes to sale!!!

OP posts:
KhaleesiDothraki · 04/09/2022 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Previously banned poster - this has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Meraas · 04/09/2022 16:42

Honestly, some people...her beds still warm from moving out and this guys berating her cherished home and belongings and telling us he'd rip it down and buy it for pennies

But you are kind of doing the same. You said ‘I comment the property opposite, considerably smaller, recently sold for over £100k’, so you were engaging with him.

I’m sorry for your loss. I just don’t understand why you both engaged with him.

nokitchen · 04/09/2022 16:46

I get it. My mum died earlier this year after years of dementia and her place is in a horrible state now. We had it professionally cleaned but it still looks like someone died there to be honest (she did). I can say it looks horrendous but can't be there for viewings as I can't bear anyone else saying it.

Cherchezlaspice · 04/09/2022 16:48

Meraas · 04/09/2022 16:42

Honestly, some people...her beds still warm from moving out and this guys berating her cherished home and belongings and telling us he'd rip it down and buy it for pennies

But you are kind of doing the same. You said ‘I comment the property opposite, considerably smaller, recently sold for over £100k’, so you were engaging with him.

I’m sorry for your loss. I just don’t understand why you both engaged with him.

This.

The backstory regarding your MIL isn’t this person’s concern. You’re seething because you let in and engaged with a stranger. You didn’t have to.

RoaryMouth · 04/09/2022 16:50

We had the same when my mother died. Thought the neighbour was coming to offer condolences, but he proceeded to ask if we were selling. Found it funny personally. Some folk are just brazen.

gogohmm · 04/09/2022 16:51

He was insensitive and rude but ultimately he may be correct - mobile homes have very little residual value in many cases. You may be able to sell for a good price but be aware that buyers won't be sentimental, is it dated?

JaceLancs · 04/09/2022 16:53

I was clearing a house out following death of a relative and received 3 offers from near neighbours all cheekily low
Told them to wait until we had 3 valuations - 2 gave contact number so duly let them know a few weeks later - all tried to knock down price
In the end it went on the open market and had lots of offers way above highest valuation
Right up until new residents moved in I was getting messages off one of the neighbours with CF offers

Original poster
Glitterlikeawinner · 04/09/2022 16:56

Agreed, husband shouldn't have engaged further than saying we are anticipating selling into into future and ended conversation. I wouldn't have been massively peeved if it went this far about someone enquiring as it shows there is interest.

My point was more that he could see we are literally clearing through items and had been aware that his mum is only recently moved into a care home due to the info he got from the park owner and subsequently my husbands update, and still persisted in complaining about the decor and saying we wouldn't get any value for it (which is why I defended the property and making sure he knew we weren't stupid, by confirming recent house sales in the area). Who does THIS. If you are welcomed into a home be polite and say it would be a great opportunity for him to invest in the property and to keep him in mind, dont berate someone's home to the owner/ son who's childhood home it is 🙄

OP posts:
StopFeckingFaffing · 04/09/2022 16:58

It sounds like he was rude but if he had gone about it in a more sensitive way I don't think it necessarily makes someone a CF to politely enquire if a property is going to be sold and express an interest

Original poster
Glitterlikeawinner · 04/09/2022 17:04

StopFeckingFaffing · 04/09/2022 16:58

It sounds like he was rude but if he had gone about it in a more sensitive way I don't think it necessarily makes someone a CF to politely enquire if a property is going to be sold and express an interest

No I agree, timing was bad but without stepping inside he would not have known that- a simple enquiry and showing an interest is fine. It was the rude degrading of someone's home to their face when they could clearly see what we were doing and knew what we were going through which got me 😠

OP posts:
johnd2 · 04/09/2022 17:08

Of course you can feel like that but it's your problem and I doubt he's feeling the consequences. You need to take responsibility for your own feelings rather than letting other people trigger them.

Having said that it is a hard time for you, but honestly if randoms can trigger you this much you need to give them less head space.

ScaryFaces · 04/09/2022 17:09

He sounds rude in the way he phrased things, but it's not fundamentally CFy to enquire if you were selling, some people might have been grateful of a quick easy sale without the hassle of advertising etc., and he wasn't to know you weren't those people.

Also not sure how it can be your DH's family home which his dad built with his bare hands when you said it was a mobile home?

SunnyD44 · 04/09/2022 17:11

YANBU this happened with my gran whilst the ambulance was still outside!

They sound very similar as he had also brought other properties from elderly people who’d died or gone into a home.
He knew how to talk the talk and was saying what a bad idea it was to put it in the market through the official channels.

We actually knew he’d be coming around so didn’t catch us off guard like yours did with you, we just said we had a few people interested so when it’s a more convenient time we’ll let him know so he can put an offer in.

Brendabigbaps · 04/09/2022 17:12

I belong on the petty thread but I’d have taken his details and then refused to sell to him further down the line

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/09/2022 17:15

Mountainpika · 04/09/2022 16:06

Some people are incredibly insensitive. A few days after my Dad died, I went to his house and the next door neighbour spoke to me and made a few appropriate noises. Then asked if he could have first claim on Dad's lawnmower. He didn't get it. Be firm and don't engage with him any more.

😧

FictionalCharacter · 04/09/2022 17:15

He was rude to come in and say the place was dated and you wouldn’t get much for it, but you should have already shut him down by then.
Your DH was foolish to tell an opportunistic stranger personal details about family and finances. I hope he isn’t always that naive.

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 04/09/2022 17:19

Had similar with my parents' house via a neighbour a couple of years ago. My parents both died very close together in the first lockdown. The house was empty so someone knocked on a neighbour's door, asked how the old gentleman was who lived next door and once they established he had died then said they were interested in buying. The neighbour took his number, told me they seemed a lovely couple and it would save me on estate agent fees as they would offer the market price. That's another thing, why is someone offering you the market price supposed to be doing you a favour? IME they usually expect something from you in exchange - usually something knocked off the price.

I declined to take the number and said it would be sold via an EA as I didn't live locally and couldn't be there to show people round. The neighbour was put out because I think she had implied to them that she had some sort of influence with me (she hadn't - I hardly knew her).

In the event when we did put it on the market, it sold for £35k more than the EA valuation, so it's always worth putting it on the market to see what people really will pay for it. My parents didn't work hard all their lives to have their house sold at a bargain price to strangers.

A couple of years previously my uncle died and we had similar with his house. Someone put a note through the door to ring her and like a fool I did - she wanted me to sell the house to her daughter and again, it would be a very good thing for us because it would save us on EA fees and they would pay the market price. I declined - again saying that I lived a distance away and would have to use an EA anyway.

I do find it a distasteful thing to do when they know someone has died and people are grieving and it made me not want to sell it to them.

Auntpodder · 04/09/2022 17:20

That's awful. During Covid, there was a zoom wake for the mum of a friend of mine. One of the first people to speak were her neighbours asking about her car because if she didn't need it anymore... Luckily her family hadn't arrived back from the crematorium but the rest of the zoom was struck dumb...

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/09/2022 17:20

SunnyD44 · 04/09/2022 17:11

YANBU this happened with my gran whilst the ambulance was still outside!

They sound very similar as he had also brought other properties from elderly people who’d died or gone into a home.
He knew how to talk the talk and was saying what a bad idea it was to put it in the market through the official channels.

We actually knew he’d be coming around so didn’t catch us off guard like yours did with you, we just said we had a few people interested so when it’s a more convenient time we’ll let him know so he can put an offer in.

The ambulance was still outside and you already had people interested in your poor Gran's house? The day she died/went into a home? Are you Serious??

Brigante9 · 04/09/2022 17:21

The neighbour went round to our next door house to enquire about the elderly owner, knowing she was in hospital. Her son told the neighbour she’d died. During the course of the ensuing conversation, the neighbour offered to buy the house. This just took me aback. At least wait til after the funeral! Bit crass, imo.

Original poster
Glitterlikeawinner · 04/09/2022 17:22

ScaryFaces · 04/09/2022 17:09

He sounds rude in the way he phrased things, but it's not fundamentally CFy to enquire if you were selling, some people might have been grateful of a quick easy sale without the hassle of advertising etc., and he wasn't to know you weren't those people.

Also not sure how it can be your DH's family home which his dad built with his bare hands when you said it was a mobile home?

Not sure why that's massively relevant, but it started as a simple mobile home in 70's but his dad has built around it extending it considerably and making it bigger than a double unit.

OP posts: