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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

CF offering to buy MIL house

84 replies

Glitterlikeawinner · 04/09/2022 15:34

I'm absolutely fuming about a CF behaviour today, but AIBU?

We had the sad day of starting to clear MIL house (mobile home) as she has gone into long term care for dementia. A thoroughly sad situation through and through, today we went through clothes, found old school reports of my husbands etc. Very emotional for both of us.

Anyway, while we were there, there was a knock at the door and this CF didn't even introduce himself but just said, are you selling this place. He goes on to say he's spoken to park owner to enquire about the property as I think he's bought others on park and done them up to resell. I'm stood in the bedroom thinking what a CF, but my DH trying to be pleasant although oversharing completely tells him about his mum and financial situation in the need to sell property. CF continues to talk about he'd basically keep the roof and tear everything else down...my DH family home which his dad built and although old is in a reasonable state of repair. He then proceeds to come in and say how dated the place is. Bloody rude!

I input we're not in any rush to sell and will get a valuation to which he says, you'll only get a few thousand for this. I comment the property opposite, considerably smaller, recently sold for over £100k to which he replies that was newer and you won't get that for this place. My blood was boiling! DH sees him out and the guy says to keep in touch as he's interested. I think there's more chance of pigs flying than us getting in touch with him!!

AIBU? Husband wasn't massively bothered but I was fuming, who does that!!!

OP posts:

ancientgran · 04/09/2022 18:12

I've often wondered what family think when you see property programmes going into a house and commenting on how awful/dated/dirty it is. I always think that was someone's home and their DD/DS must feel terrible.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/09/2022 18:14

I simple enquiry and showing an interest is fine. It was the rude degrading of someone's home to their face when they could clearly see what we were doing and knew what we were going through which got me

That sounds entirely reasonable to me, OP, and I'm very sorry for your loss

Just about the only positive is that your MIL wasn't around to hear it; with mine, one of the neighbours would often come round "just to register an interest" on her land - and almost invariably when her son was away on holiday with me

Toddlerteaplease · 04/09/2022 18:15

We had someone come round the night my grandma died and tell us to sell to him. No idea how word had spread so fast that she'd died.

Original poster

Glitterlikeawinner · 04/09/2022 18:15

ancientgran · 04/09/2022 18:12

Same. Maybe I'm too sentimental but it's been someone's pride and joy that they've worked hard for and at some time in their lives they chose that decor for a reason, not to impress someone after they've died.

OP posts:

Deguster · 04/09/2022 18:15

We had this when my dgdad died - neighbour sobbed, blew his nose, then calmly said that dgdad would have wanted him to have his new Karcher. Shameless fuckers.

Original poster

Glitterlikeawinner · 04/09/2022 18:17

Deguster · 04/09/2022 18:15

We had this when my dgdad died - neighbour sobbed, blew his nose, then calmly said that dgdad would have wanted him to have his new Karcher. Shameless fuckers.

Oh my god! Honestly, some people 🙄

OP posts:

TeaMoreToast · 04/09/2022 18:20

I didn't know this type of cheeky behavior was so common. Happened to my DM when my DGM passed away. She had 2 different neighbours knock and offer a private sale so DM could save on estate agent fees! She'd gone round to DGM house to clear up and must have been obvious she wasn't up to talking. One even gave a sob story that her current flat (in the block opposite the house) wasn't big enough to bring up her children and they needed the extra space.

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 04/09/2022 18:21

Most mobile homes only have a lifespan of around 30 years so you’ll be lucky to be able to sell it at all. And if you can it will need a hell of a lot of work doing.

IMO you just can’t get sentimental about a house. It’s a house you don’t want it any more, so giving instructions not to sell it to x or y is just cutting off your nose to spite your face.

And absolutely I would sell privately to avoid estate agents fees at this point.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/09/2022 18:25

He does sound quite rude, but you've already said that both you and DH were very emotional (totally understand why) so I think you've over-reacted a bit. It was your DH's family home, not yours. So if he's OK with it, I think you need to calm down a bit.

You are not obligated to sell to this man. Focus on getting your MIL settled into her new home. Hope all goes OK.

Swimmingpoolsally · 04/09/2022 18:29

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 04/09/2022 18:21

Most mobile homes only have a lifespan of around 30 years so you’ll be lucky to be able to sell it at all. And if you can it will need a hell of a lot of work doing.

IMO you just can’t get sentimental about a house. It’s a house you don’t want it any more, so giving instructions not to sell it to x or y is just cutting off your nose to spite your face.

And absolutely I would sell privately to avoid estate agents fees at this point.

Actually the life span is 40-70 years if it’s been very well maintained. Not sure how old this one is exactly just the in-laws lived in it for over 40 years.

blubberyboo · 04/09/2022 18:31

When my father died a neighbour of his happened to phone my aunt a few hours after to see how he was ( I suspect word had reached him). When she told him he’d passed he proceeded to ask her if he could have his summer seat in the garden. Needless to say my brother made sure and took it to his own garden .
I later phoned the housing association a few days later to notify them of the death. They said they already knew as numerous people had been ringing up enquiring if they could have the house.
people are wankers

Suzi888 · 04/09/2022 18:32

I’m sorry for your loss. 💐

YANBU - Your DH is, men never cease to amaze me!
I can see maybe it’s practical to sell to cf but I would wait, get a valuation done. As for the cf- what a damn insensitive cheek!

TheNoodlesIncident · 04/09/2022 18:37

You asked who does this sort of thing? People who have no ability to read the room, that's who. So many people are totally insensitive to other people's feelings and can't tell when they're rubbing them up the wrong way. PPs are probably correct that he was pointing out all the defects of the property to prepare you for a lower offer than you'd otherwise accept. A more savvy person would have noticed you getting rankled and toned it down. He didn't, not because he's nasty per se (well, probably not) but because his mentality doesn't work that way. So in that sense, don't take it personally. He should have been more sensitive given that it was obvious what you were doing, but for some people it's just not that obvious. Tactless people abound!

AlwaysLatte · 04/09/2022 18:46

I know how important it is to have time to reflect during the process. My Dad died too, this year. I wouldn't have have given this person the opportunity to say much at all as when he knocked I would have said very firmly but politely that we couldn't talk now. Anyway, he doesn't sound like an easy buyer to deal with so best to stay clear.

AlwaysLatte · 04/09/2022 18:47

PS I'm not against people asking. But a card through the door saying they love the house and would be very interested if it happened to come on to the market is much more acceptable.

glittereyelash · 04/09/2022 18:59

Some people have no tact. I had similar the day of my mother's wake. Some random guy drove past the house saw me and asked who died and was the car or house for sale. Didn't even have the decency to offer condolences.

Blossomtoes · 04/09/2022 19:16

Yep, he left his name and address so I'll be certain of declining any offers from him!

I think you need to calm down. It won’t be your decision. If your husband is unfazed by this, why are you getting so agitated? It’s not your circus or your monkeys.

whynotwhatknot · 04/09/2022 19:25

i wouldnt sell to him onprinciple-some people need to be taught some manners

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 04/09/2022 19:31

i wouldnt sell to him onprinciple-some people need to be taught some manners so if his was the only offer you wouldn’t sell it at all? Yeah right.

Swimmingpoolsally · 04/09/2022 19:46

whynotwhatknot · 04/09/2022 19:25

i wouldnt sell to him onprinciple-some people need to be taught some manners

He was invited in by the husband, who them went on to give him personal financial details and engage with Him on a sales discussion

I’m not sure it’s Really the man’s fault. And the husband is unfazed and she herself has said she’d have been fine if he had complimented the decor and “acknowledged it’s true value” . I think she needs to wait for the valuation to see if her view on the true value is correct.

this is a park home, they have a life span, and by sheer age this one could be nearing the end of its.

HotWashCycle · 04/09/2022 19:58

He was awful, OP - unbelievably insensitive and a clod. But your anger is really not just him, I think but your DH who could and should have taken a much firmer line. He should have said right at the beginning - "I don't want to discuss it . Goodbye". I guess he was feeling too emotional to be as rational as that, which is understandable, but he let this CF cross a massive boundary. If you see CF again and he mentions it again, say the above.

J0y · 04/09/2022 20:02

9 times out of ten I read the things people get upset about and they surprise me, but this would definitely have upset me.

If the cf wants the house he can put in qn offer. No need to make you feel like her home is worthless.

Kite22 · 04/09/2022 20:26

TeaMoreToast · 04/09/2022 18:20

How is that a "sob story" ? It is a very normal reason to move house.

I wish the person who bought my parents property from us had expressed an interest a bit sooner, and not waited until it had gone on with the EA. It would have saved us a few thousand in fees. He was someone who knew my parents and knew the neighbours (who are close family friends) and he 'politely' kept a distance until we'd put it on the market.

I know it is difficult when you are clearing a parent's home, but ultimately, most people are going to sell it, and it isn't unreasonable for people to express an interest.
In the OP's case, - and indeed here - it would have been easy to just say "It's all a bit emotional at the moment. We aren't really ready to talk about selling, but obviously we will want to when we are ready. Why don't you leave me your details and we'll contact you when we've had chance to sort through the personal things and then have it valued professionally?".

Herejustforthisone · 04/09/2022 21:12

Is it just the caravan or is it the piece of land it is on too?

DelurkingLawyer · 04/09/2022 21:34

I never cease to be amazed how CF people are after a death.

My FIL died a few months ago. He’d been widowed a few years ago and had a female friend, not quite a GF, that he used to take out for dinner. She rang to see how he was and DH said he’d died a few days ago. In the same 10 minute conversation she asked what DH planned to do with FIL’s car.

DH was too shocked to say anything much and made non-committal noises. He rang her a week later and told her the date of the funeral. She said she’d come and managed to work into the conversation that DH was not to worry about the car because her old one had broken down terminally and she had had to buy one urgently!!

She didn’t turn up at the funeral. Didn’t send a condolence card, or flowers, or call DH and say she had Covid and couldn’t come or whatever. She had probably been FIL’s closest friend who wasn’t a relative. I thought it was shameful that she couldn’t be arsed to turn up for his sake, even though she was pissed off about the car.

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