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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex and girlfriend drinking while they have the children

79 replies

Kayos10 · 03/09/2022 15:05

I picked my children up from their dads this morning. I asked to grab a drink of water to take a tablet quickly before I left and my ex looked shifty and said the kitchens a dump. Went in to find what looked like a party had taken place. I said to his girlfriend blimey did you have a party last night? She said no so I asked is all this just yours and (ex' name) empties? She laughs and said it's been a long week. I counted at least 3 empty wine bottles and around 10 empty cider and beer cans. My ex has always been a heavy drinker and this was one of the reasons we split. But am aibu to be pissed off that they're clearly getting rat arsed while they have the children? I have noticed it and mentioned it before but to see the aftermath this morning is really bothering me.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 03/09/2022 15:07

Admit it, the request for a drink of water to take a tablet was just an excuse to have a nosy in their kitchen.

YourLipsMyLipsApocalypse · 03/09/2022 15:10

I've been a parent for 14 years and in that time I've been pissed in the presence of my children. I think I'm a decent parent 🤷🏻‍♀️

mrcow · 03/09/2022 15:10

In fairness, you don’t know if they were all from one night. Or if they had people over (not necessarily a “party”).

raindon · 03/09/2022 15:10

Soontobe60 · 03/09/2022 15:07

Admit it, the request for a drink of water to take a tablet was just an excuse to have a nosy in their kitchen.

Yup just be honest about it. You had no need to go into their kitchen. You just wanted to pry. No harm in just admitting it.

If you think your ex can't look after the kids go to court and sort it out.

thunderonlyhappenswhenits · 03/09/2022 15:13

Definitely being nosey and it's especially obvious with the backstory

Original poster
Kayos10 · 03/09/2022 15:13

🤣. I had toothache and was taking paracetamol. I go to his house a lot and don't need to nosy. He's not a bad dad at all, just gets my goat that he's regularly getting drunk around the kids and now his girlfriend is too. I know what he's like when he's drunk, the very little filter that he does have goes completely. It worries me what the kids may be seeing or hearing.

OP posts:
Preeeettyprettygood · 03/09/2022 15:14

I agree, why couldn't you just wait till you got back to take your tablet ? You did just want a nosy didn't you!

Preeeettyprettygood · 03/09/2022 15:14

Cross post

giveovernate · 03/09/2022 15:15

Kayos10 · 03/09/2022 15:05

I picked my children up from their dads this morning. I asked to grab a drink of water to take a tablet quickly before I left and my ex looked shifty and said the kitchens a dump. Went in to find what looked like a party had taken place. I said to his girlfriend blimey did you have a party last night? She said no so I asked is all this just yours and (ex' name) empties? She laughs and said it's been a long week. I counted at least 3 empty wine bottles and around 10 empty cider and beer cans. My ex has always been a heavy drinker and this was one of the reasons we split. But am aibu to be pissed off that they're clearly getting rat arsed while they have the children? I have noticed it and mentioned it before but to see the aftermath this morning is really bothering me.

Carry a bottle of water to take your tablets with? The children were fine? Fed? Dressed?

So what's the issue?

Are you going to come out with "suppose an emergency happened"?

It didn't, it very likely won't, my parents had six children and no one drove, we all made it into adult hood.

giveovernate · 03/09/2022 15:16

Kayos10 · 03/09/2022 15:13

🤣. I had toothache and was taking paracetamol. I go to his house a lot and don't need to nosy. He's not a bad dad at all, just gets my goat that he's regularly getting drunk around the kids and now his girlfriend is too. I know what he's like when he's drunk, the very little filter that he does have goes completely. It worries me what the kids may be seeing or hearing.

What his girls friend does is even less of your business!

Azandme · 03/09/2022 15:16

How old are the children?

Original poster
Kayos10 · 03/09/2022 15:16

I was there the day before, definitely from the one night.

OP posts:
raindon · 03/09/2022 15:17

Kayos10 · 03/09/2022 15:13

🤣. I had toothache and was taking paracetamol. I go to his house a lot and don't need to nosy. He's not a bad dad at all, just gets my goat that he's regularly getting drunk around the kids and now his girlfriend is too. I know what he's like when he's drunk, the very little filter that he does have goes completely. It worries me what the kids may be seeing or hearing.

Stop doing that then, you'll only uncover more and more things you don't like. And yes he shouldn't be getting drunk so he's being sweary or whatever around the kids. His girlfriend isn't responsible for your children so unless she's being offensive around your kids why shouldn't she go and have a drink in the garden or quietly.

Original poster
Kayos10 · 03/09/2022 15:17

Kids are 6 and 7 both sen.

OP posts:
raindon · 03/09/2022 15:17

giveovernate · 03/09/2022 15:16

What his girls friend does is even less of your business!

Show quote history

Agreed, unless she is somehow harmful to the kids.

Summertimesadnesss · 03/09/2022 15:20

Why do you care?

have your dc said something that makes you think there is an issue?

i assume you wouldn’t have so much as chocolate liqueur in the presence of your dc…

neilyoungismyhero · 03/09/2022 15:22

YourLipsMyLipsApocalypse · 03/09/2022 15:10

I've been a parent for 14 years and in that time I've been pissed in the presence of my children. I think I'm a decent parent 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've been a parent for 46 years and have never been pissed in that time in front of them - each to their own.

Bubbleguppette · 03/09/2022 15:23

You're right to be concerned OP. I don't know what people on here are thinking.
3 bottles of wine and 10 cans between two in one night...while in charge of two young children with SEN?
It's not on. I like a glass of wine with dinner too, but that's it, you need to stay sober with young children in the mix. They were off their heads drunk on this amount.

giveovernate · 03/09/2022 15:24

I actually cannot believe you questioned his girlfriend! Bloody cheek!

raindon · 03/09/2022 15:25

Bubbleguppette · 03/09/2022 15:23

You're right to be concerned OP. I don't know what people on here are thinking.
3 bottles of wine and 10 cans between two in one night...while in charge of two young children with SEN?
It's not on. I like a glass of wine with dinner too, but that's it, you need to stay sober with young children in the mix. They were off their heads drunk on this amount.

The girlfriend doesn't she can be totally smashed as long as she does it in a way that doesn't harm the kids.

Bubbleguppette · 03/09/2022 15:26

Agree the girlfriend can get as drunk as she likes...but not around OP's children.

neilyoungismyhero · 03/09/2022 15:26

Kayos10 · 03/09/2022 15:05

I picked my children up from their dads this morning. I asked to grab a drink of water to take a tablet quickly before I left and my ex looked shifty and said the kitchens a dump. Went in to find what looked like a party had taken place. I said to his girlfriend blimey did you have a party last night? She said no so I asked is all this just yours and (ex' name) empties? She laughs and said it's been a long week. I counted at least 3 empty wine bottles and around 10 empty cider and beer cans. My ex has always been a heavy drinker and this was one of the reasons we split. But am aibu to be pissed off that they're clearly getting rat arsed while they have the children? I have noticed it and mentioned it before but to see the aftermath this morning is really bothering me.

Well I'm in the minority here clearly but I'd be annoyed and concerned. What if some sort of medical emergency happened during the night who would take them to the hospital? would anyone be capable even of thinking about the situation? I think it's a shitty irrresponsible way to behave for their father. After my children were born I stopped drinking to any excess so I would always be available for them. I also think it's crappy and scarey for children to see their parents off their heads and out of control (past experience).

CallmeAngelina · 03/09/2022 15:26

I was ready to say you were being unreasonable, but actually with that amount of drink (and I like my wine) and kids the age they are? I think I would be concerned too, to be honest.

Bubbleguppette · 03/09/2022 15:27

Same goes for the ex.

Original poster
Kayos10 · 03/09/2022 15:30

I'm not a big drinker but will have a couple of glasses maybe at the weekend. I choose to save my binge drinking for when I don't have the kids. I just know what he's like after a few, again - one of the reasons we split. And yeah it annoys me that most of the weekend they're with their dad my kids have to suffer the loud, shouty, sweary drunk that he is. I don't know what his girlfriend is like as a drunk, she actually seems like a nice person. I suppose I'd hoped that by settling down again he may calm down as a person. Both of the children are ASD and I don't think it's fair on them tbh. Each to their own I suppose. I've no problem with people having fun but why not save it for when you don't have the kids. But meh, maybe I'm just a body fun sponge 🤷

OP posts:
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