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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my SIL is a shithouse

93 replies

SillySausage21356 · 03/09/2022 11:27

OK so brief outline is

Me and OH are married, and I have one son from a previous relationship. My son is 12 and has Asperger's.

SIL has 1 small child

Christmas 2019 my son was given a token gift from SIL.

Son whispered 'Thankyou'. (he is bad with social stuff at times).

After this, SIL attitude seemed to change towards my son, she stopped even sending him a Christmas card, or acknowledging his existence - and it did occur to me odd, but she had a baby in that time, so it never occurred to me there was an actual issue

Forward to a couple of months ago, and Hubby tells me that SIL was recently complaining to him about this Christmas gift and said that Son did not thank her properly...i.e why can he not say thank you like a NORMAL fucking person ie do not whisper, say it loud enough for the whole household to hear, and she doesn't feel Son is grateful enough for the five pound gift, therefore she will not be acknowledging his existence with even a Christmas card going forwards.......and she hasn't.

After this, Hubby is barely speaking to his Sister as they had words, he is disgusted. And I will definitely be saying something to her myself - even though Hubby thinks this is a bad idea

To me this is abhorrent behaviour and it appears she was just looking for an excuse to start some beef, over her self important attitude and her shithouse fiver gift i could ram up her arse

AIBU to say something, myself?

Fuming

OP posts:
KyaClark · 03/09/2022 11:29

"Hubby" has handled it.

Move on.

berksandbeyond · 03/09/2022 11:29

She sounds like a dick but I do think you should be encouraging your son to do more of these 'social niceties' - life will be much easier for him if he does.

Two things can be true at once

Bistrobore · 03/09/2022 11:30

She sounds horrendous. But perhaps best to let your DH deal with speaking to her.

berksandbeyond · 03/09/2022 11:30

Curious as well, would you have made your child say thank you properly if it had been a £100 gift? 🤔

lovehawaii · 03/09/2022 11:31

i always read these topics to rule out its nit about me Grin

NovaDeltas · 03/09/2022 11:31

She doesn't sound all there. But you don't have to any contact with some weirdo bully relative. She's your husband's problem, if he wants it to be, and your son doesn't have to ever see her again.

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/09/2022 11:32

This reply has been deleted

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Shelby2010 · 03/09/2022 11:33

Well cheaper for you as you don’t have to buy gifts or cards for her or her family. Be polite if you see her at family events but otherwise avoid her. Life is too short to waste time or energy on people like that.

AhNowTed · 03/09/2022 11:35

She's an arsehole.

I actually think there must be something wrong with people like her.

Just poison.

LegoStuckInMyFootAgain · 03/09/2022 11:44

It's great that your DH immediately stuck up for your son. I don't blame you for wanting to have a word too, I'm sure I would, but I'd consider holding your fire for the moment and if she so much as looks at him funny in future I'd take the bitch down.
On the positive, you'll save yourself a fortune on gifts for her child.

custardbear · 03/09/2022 11:48

Bitch! Fucking haye people who don't understand sone children or people aren't the same as them. I hope you complain her baby doesn't say a big hearty thank you before they can talk

mamabear715 · 03/09/2022 11:48

Yep, keep quiet for the moment, keep your mama bear claws sheathed until needed.. ;-)
(I do understand, having 2 ASD kids myself. You kinda want to rip people's throats out..)

Bankcockbabe · 03/09/2022 11:49

She really does sound like she was waiting for an excuse to start some beef to be honest - to pick fault on someone with a hidden disability is shocking really isnt it! and i canot believe some people think this is normal.

and for her to simmer from 2019 until recently? How strange - this situation has lived rent free in her head for almost three years. SIL needs therapy

Sil sounds super immature. I am a mum of an aspie teen and I know how hard it can be

Original poster
SillySausage21356 · 03/09/2022 11:51

Yeah to be honest it is unlikely I will say anything directly to her. It isn't worth the bother. I think because this is new news to me, that I wasn't expecting - I just came here to rant in what is a 'safe' space lol

I just found it shocking.

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 03/09/2022 11:52

berksandbeyond · 03/09/2022 11:29

She sounds like a dick but I do think you should be encouraging your son to do more of these 'social niceties' - life will be much easier for him if he does.

Two things can be true at once

Hmm
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/09/2022 11:52

I would just pretend that you’ve mutually agreed not to do gifts and cards. Don’t make a drama of it.

Original poster
SillySausage21356 · 03/09/2022 11:53

I will continue buying presents for her child though, my niece.

It is not the nieces fault - and tbh I don't want to lower to her level

OP posts:
misspositivepants · 03/09/2022 11:54

lovehawaii · 03/09/2022 11:31

i always read these topics to rule out its nit about me Grin

Me too 🤣

Original poster
SillySausage21356 · 03/09/2022 11:55

berksandbeyond · 03/09/2022 11:29

She sounds like a dick but I do think you should be encouraging your son to do more of these 'social niceties' - life will be much easier for him if he does.

Two things can be true at once

Oh I do, I have spent years learning him - a whispered Thank you is a big learned step forwards

Thanks though

OP posts:
Original poster
SillySausage21356 · 03/09/2022 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pot, Kettle.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2022 11:56

Don't lower yourself by speaking to her. Ever. I'd never speak to her again, honestly. I don't waste my time on people like her.

FOJN · 03/09/2022 11:57

Doesn't matter whether your son whispered thank you or screamed thank you, she heard it so he did say thank you to her and she's being ridiculous.

As she's being so ridiculous I don't think there would be any point in you trying to have a rational conversation with her. Your husband has dealt with it so I'd just move on, I'm glad he stuck up for your son.

Some people amaze me with their ability to create drama out of nothing.

Draughtycatflapreturns · 03/09/2022 11:57

Do a Sharon Osbourne and send her a poop in a gift wrapped box.

Original poster
SillySausage21356 · 03/09/2022 11:58

It is a real shame tbh, I have always held hubbys family in high esteem.

I will just keep contact with her to a minimum going forwards

Thanks for listening to be rant guys

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 03/09/2022 11:58

SillySausage21356 · 03/09/2022 11:53

I will continue buying presents for her child though, my niece.

It is not the nieces fault - and tbh I don't want to lower to her level

Why? Unfortunately you aren't going to have much of a relationship with the niece because of her awful mother.

You just give your SIL the message it's OK to treat your son like shit as there are no consequences.

The niece isn't going to appreciate a generic £5 gift anyway.

Leave the SIL and her family alone and enjoy your amazing DH who clearly always has your back.