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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Passed my driving test today, “d”h has ruined my confidence

105 replies

Blueysmum12 · 02/09/2022 20:24

I passed my driving test today second time with only 3 minors. I was so proud, especially as I’m 32 and thought I’d never drive.

Dh comes home (with no flowers 😒🙄😂) and puts me on his insurance finally. His car is much much bigger than what I have learnt in and has no handbrake so completely out my comfort zone.

iv just driven to Sainsburys with him and dd and all he did was moan, I’m not driving fast enough (I was I just wasn’t bombing to get through a light), i signal too early, I should have gone when there was a small space to turn into a road (bare in mind I hate driving his car and not used to clutch etc!)

iv came home and cried. He’s completely burst my bubble and now I don’t want to drive the car again.

I’m so pissed off.

OP posts:

Gemswaitingfoottap · 02/09/2022 21:59

My FIL always drove if he and MIL were in the car together. They shared a car. He then had a stroke and was unfit to drive so MIL drove the car and he drove her to tears. Criticised her driving despite the fact she had been driving safely for 40 years. She ended up taking a refresher driving lesson and the instructor basically said you drive well and safely and your husband is an opinionated arsehole. He did change a bit with the stroke, riled more easily etc.

You have proven to your driving instructor and a driving examiner that your driving is perfectly fine. Your husband is not a qualified instructor so his driving might not be anywhere near as safe as he thinks it is. Teenage Ds is currently learning to drive so we have watched a lot of mock test videos and dash cam bad driving so he can see what situations emerge and whether they can be avoided (most of the time, yes they can.)

Congratulations on passing your test. Drive your Dh's car with just you in it, go for a drive somewhere, get a feel for the car. Then get your own car. And maybe start to comment on your Dh's driving too.

Bestcatmum · 02/09/2022 22:01

My ex husband nit picked at my driving ALL of the time after passing his test.
It was me who taught him to fucking drive in his 40's. Before then he had never learnt to drive. It was hellish because he was crap at driving. Then he had about £3k worth of driving lessons before he managed to finally pass.
After that he was Mr know it all.
Now he's living in a bedsit on his own and not my nice comfortable house any more.

littlepeas · 02/09/2022 22:04

I passed nearly 15 years ago (was 25) and dh is still critical of my driving sometimes, I just point out that I have passed the same test that he did (and in fact, mine was more difficult to pass due to new things that came in between him taking his test and me taking mine). He has plenty of annoying habits, so I make sure I point them out to him when he is driving.

littlepeas · 02/09/2022 22:08

Ha! Just remembered when I was still learning to drive and was out in the car practising with him that he was so unbearable that I got out and walked off leaving him in the middle of the road sitting in the passenger seat (I know I was bad to do this, but was a very quiet industrial estate, not a busy road). Just pictured his face in that moment and randomly burst out laughing. Whole family now looking at me!

Maymaymay · 02/09/2022 22:08

What a dickhead backseat driver. My OH is one too. Refuse to drive with him in the car for a while. Keep p plates on so you know people around you know you've just passed - if they are dickheads too just leave them too it, they know you've just passed. I passed this year at 34 and I could have killed my OH, I refused to drive him for a long time.

Oh and CONGRATULATIONS!! I know how hard it is to learn a bit older once everyone around you knows how to do it, and through this crazy backlog. Well done !

OhWelllWhatever · 02/09/2022 22:11

Nothing worse than a backseat driver and it will really dent your confidence as a newbie having to listen to thier 'advice'
Dont drive with him again until you feel confident enough to tell him to stfu.

Congratulations by the way. It's a massive achievement and today should be proud.

Whatthechicken · 02/09/2022 22:16

I passed my test when I was 32 too! Fucking game changer. You now need to get confident in going out on your own, find your own driving style. Research your routes first, it will help in the early days, and if your not confident on a roundabout - go the whole way around it first to work out the lanes and your exit.

I don’t drive the same as my husband, he is much faster, much closer than I’d like. I annoy him because I don’t take risks when pulling out of a junction. But we both need to be able to drive - so our rule is - if the other is driving, we keep quiet - unless it’s something dangerous of course. My husband bought my first car, then I promptly put it up against a pillar in a multi- story. It had to be jacked off the pillar.

don’t ever drive to someone else’s standards, you are responsible, so find what you are comfortable with. Put green L’s on - they really help. I think men over estimate their driving technique - which gets them into trouble and women don’t realise how good they are.

jennyt82 · 02/09/2022 22:25

I passed my test at 17 almost 25 years ago and I still hate driving my husband anywhere. We have our own cars, he loves driving, I drive because it makes my life easier, I've been driving longer than he has but he has more experience than me, mostly because I refuse to drive when we're together every weekend. I can drive confidently in front of anyone apart from him, a few eye rolls and comments put me off so I just don't do it anymore.

Sunnytwobridges · 02/09/2022 22:32

My ex was shitty like this. Made me lose my confidence while driving and I’m a great driver. Finally I refused to drive if he was in the car with me. It’s one of the many things that led to us breaking up

1982mommaof4 · 02/09/2022 23:29

Drive alone to start with! My DH was the same. So I drive alone for a few days

bloodyunicorns · 02/09/2022 23:53

Why do some men need do this?? Is his driving perfect?? Does he know you haven't driven his car before?? What a knob.

Well done op!!

Can you buy your own car - with a handbrake?!

bloodyunicorns · 02/09/2022 23:55

Miacarla · 02/09/2022 20:34

Congratulations! He's a twat. Excuse my ignorance but NO HANDBRAKE!

Op means a handbrake button instead of an actual handbrake you can pull on and off.

newbiename · 03/09/2022 00:21

My car hasn't got a traditional 'pull up' hand brake , just a little switch , it goes on and off automatically when you move off or switch off the car.

SweepItUnderTheCarpet · 03/09/2022 00:52

You need to go out on your own. It's terrifying at first but you will get used to it. They won't have passed you if you weren't ready.

deeperthanallroses · 03/09/2022 01:07

You’ve got your license now- you can drive WITHOUT him in the car.

deeperthanallroses · 03/09/2022 01:08

I meant that positively, I just reread and it sounded a bit sneery. I meant good on you, tell him he’s not coming and go off for a drive!

Enko · 03/09/2022 07:37

Well done on passing op.

I loathe driving with my dh as a pasaenger. He breaks like 2 minutes before you need to break. He has the most infuriating habit of clutching the bar up the top of the window (as if he needs to hang on for dear life) this means I get no visibility out of that window because of his gigantic arm maneuver. He keeps going "watch out" so a fee years ago I started refusing to be the chauffeur for him. To begin with he was genuinely surprised and did not understand why checked with our children (then in their teens) to get a loud "dad you are the worst backseat driver in the world " these days he tends to sit in the back if I drive with one of our now adult children in the front. I still only occasionally drive him yet these days i drive out car far more than he does and he has acknowledged this.

I think with me what happened was I became so clear I wasn't putting up with his behaviour it shocked him into realising just how bad he had become.

Valeriekat · 03/09/2022 15:18

You are being unreasonable to take any notice of him. No one likes a back seat driver

Original poster

Blueysmum12 · 03/09/2022 21:53

I absolutely hate his car. Took it out this evening with a friend who isn’t a back seat driver and actually helps.

i don’t find it comfortable, ir hurts my leg and hip even if I put the seat low. I judder it constantly when setting off because I can’t find the biting point etc. and to top it off I scratched it on the bush trying to get on the drive. Dh is fuming with me as there was no need for me to go out apparently.

i asked him to get ir off the drive and he refused to help so I didn’t want to ask for help getting on the drive. I ended up scratching it. He’s told me I’m paying for it in the next week or so that’s just great.

i really resent him for not buying me a car or even helping me get one. We can afford it. I just haven’t got £2/3/4/5k sat around and I can’t get one on finance.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2022 21:56

Dh is fuming with me as there was no need for me to go out apparently.

Why, why, why are you married to this insufferable arsehole? He's fucking horrible, op. You need to run for your life.

Original poster

Blueysmum12 · 03/09/2022 22:01

Oh and he’s pissed because “everyone” was hungry and hadn’t had dinner. He went out with my dd15 until 7.30 and I can guarantee he would have moaned it was too late to eat once he got home. Arghhh I’m so angry .

OP posts:

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 03/09/2022 22:02

Congratulations on passing your test.

Once you get your own car...

The best thing I did after passing was buy a satnav and I used it for every journey even if I knew where I was going. It was a bit of company in the car if you like, who doesnt like disagreeing with a satnav, but it was also useful for lane assist.

Also go out driving early in the morning especially if you have any tricky roundabouts youll use regularly.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 03/09/2022 22:04

The first time I took my car out alone I misjudged my gate post when i drove back on the drive and scratched the whole side of the car.

You are highly likely to have bumps and scrapes in the first two years of driving, all the more reason to have a cheap run around.

5zeds · 03/09/2022 22:17

Don’t be ridiculous. You passed. Yay! Don’t give so much control over your life experience to others. You drove fine. He’s a nervous passenger. You’ll both be fine.

Frazzled2207 · 03/09/2022 22:22

Congratulations!

my dh is a great driver, as am I, but I absolutely cannot tolerate his comments on my driving so whenever we go anywhere together I am in the passenger seat.

get used to the car on some quiet roads/industrial estate and leave him at home

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