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Original poster

Passed my driving test today, “d”h has ruined my confidence

105 replies

Blueysmum12 · 02/09/2022 20:24

I passed my driving test today second time with only 3 minors. I was so proud, especially as I’m 32 and thought I’d never drive.

Dh comes home (with no flowers 😒🙄😂) and puts me on his insurance finally. His car is much much bigger than what I have learnt in and has no handbrake so completely out my comfort zone.

iv just driven to Sainsburys with him and dd and all he did was moan, I’m not driving fast enough (I was I just wasn’t bombing to get through a light), i signal too early, I should have gone when there was a small space to turn into a road (bare in mind I hate driving his car and not used to clutch etc!)

iv came home and cried. He’s completely burst my bubble and now I don’t want to drive the car again.

I’m so pissed off.

OP posts:
Campervangirl · 02/09/2022 20:50

Pah, ignore him, I went out on my own an hour after passing my driving test and shot across a roundabout without looking and nearly killed myself 😬
Congrats on passing your test 👏

Franklyfrost · 02/09/2022 20:53

Congratulations! It’s normal find driving a new car a bit tricky and also normal to take a while to find driving easy or normal once you’ve passed your test. Sorry about your dh.

OneFootintheRave · 02/09/2022 20:54

The only way to get confident is to go out on your own. A lot. He sounds like a twat.

User148563 · 02/09/2022 20:57

I would probably have a little practice on the drive if you have one or if your road is quiet with the handbrake to get used to it so you feel more confident

Mum4all · 02/09/2022 20:57

As I newly passed driver, will be some are drivers that you cannot drive with because they think you still need lessons, not about you.

I passed my driving test at 52, 3 yrs ago. I lived in London did not need to drive. Moved out of London need to drive.

When I passed I needed to get out there on my own, my pass was my pass, my DH was not my driving instructor.

Get out there on your own, your DH will continue to undermine your driving.

Be the confident driver that passed your driving test. Congratulations!

Stopthebusplease · 02/09/2022 20:58

First of all congratulations in passing your test OP! Provided you don't let your dickhead husband put you off altogether, driving will make your life SO much better! I agree with others who have said critique his driving, I can virtually guarantee that as a man, he drives too close to the car in front, so when you see him doing this, have a glimpse at the speed he's doing, and ask him 'how much stopping distance do you need at this speed?' I bet he doesn't know, and will bluster about how he knows what he's doing, has years of experience, etc. Then you can tell him exactly how far away he should be, and feel completely superior, knowing that if you were driving alone, you would be far safer than you are while being a passenger with him. I also agree that you will build up your confidence much more quickly if you take his car out on your own, as often as possible. You may not like driving it, but wouldn't it be great to know that you can drive it confidently if you need to? Once again, CONGRATULATIONS!

Mum4all · 02/09/2022 20:59

Sorry- as a newly passed driver there will be some drivers that you cannot drive with.

user1494050295 · 02/09/2022 21:00

Well done. and buy your own car

Tohaveandtohold · 02/09/2022 21:04

Your DH is a terrible passenger. There are lots of people like this that always make comments when you’re driving them. It might not necessarily mean that he’s unhappy you passed so just know you did many things right and that’s why you passed.
You definitely need to get your own car that you’ll be comfortable and drive to familiar places to gain confidence before driving a car you’re not used to.

honeyfox · 02/09/2022 21:05

Well done you! I passed my test at 41 just before lockdown, have my own car but have never driven DH's shiny new model with button handbrake, that took a lot of courage so give yourself a lot of credit.

AuntyMabelandPippin · 02/09/2022 21:08

Get yourself out on your own, you'll be fine. As often as you can, you need to practice by yourself.

gettingolderandgrumpier · 02/09/2022 21:11

First of all congratulations well done .
Even now many years later driving with dh pisses me off and I’m a confident driver . My advice try and gain independent experience, you don’t need him in the car just go out take the car to the shops in the evening/ weekend when he’s not using it and build up the confidence.

Izadrennan · 02/09/2022 21:20

Congratulations op! You should be super proud of yourself, I also think it is much harder to pass these days than the 20 odd years ago when I did it, heavier traffic, more theory based etc and especially harder when you've not got the confidence of being an indestructible teen, so huge congratulations!
Even though I've had my licence for so long I still can't just jump into another car without it being daunting and stressful, my husband used to be an air sucker when I was driving, until he was the one that scraped the shiny new alloys not me, expensive karma 😂

Mum4all · 02/09/2022 21:25

user1494050295 · 02/09/2022 21:00

Well done. and buy your own car

This!

SomethingFast · 02/09/2022 21:29

Congratulations!

Button handbrake cars are horrible, I agree. I second a pp in that you don’t need a small car though. I’ve only ever bought estates, out of practicality, you get used to the car size really quickly. When I’ve had a small hire car it feels like driving a toy, and not in a good way.

PrincessSpanky · 02/09/2022 21:32

The no handbrake thing takes getting used too. My old clunkady ugly car with its old handbrake, manual roll down winds in the back and oh I have to manually adjust my mirrors is a blessing sometimes Grin

Your DH is being a dick. Don't let him burst your bubble.

14y on, getting my license is still one of my proudest moments.

LimeTwists · 02/09/2022 21:32

Three minors is great driving. I also passed my test with three minors and the instructor said to me that if I drove like that in future, that I’d have no problem at all: I still haven’t had an accident 25 years later. Don’t let your husband make you worry.

He also said that I was now deemed safe to drive on the roads but I would continue learning how to be a better driver all the time. Your partner would do well to remember that. That’s what the green plates are for - to remind impatient people like him that people who have just passed may be a little nervous or slower. I just wouldn’t have him in the car with you. A professional examiner has deemed you fit to pass, not him, so he can button it with the back seat driving.

Well done!

PrincessSpanky · 02/09/2022 21:33

Runningincircles · 02/09/2022 20:35

I was pregnant and 32 when I passed my test. It took me about 3 months to feel fully confident about driving.
It takes time to get your confidence up after passing your test. I recommend going on a few drives by yourself without the negative commentator. Get used to the car and driving without the instructor and dual controls.
You will be fine once you get used to the car. Your Dh was mean tonight, but don't let him put you off. Drive anywhere, without him as soon as possible.

I was 7 months pregnant, when I passed my test. Def calmed my nerves.

BeanieTeen · 02/09/2022 21:34

Some people are just like that in the car, it is shitty. My mum was and still is the same. She doesn’t get in the car with me often, but every time she does it’s an ordeal - and I’ve been driving for 15 years now! Just ignore.
Well done on passing!

Mariposista · 02/09/2022 21:38

Congratulations OP. He is being horrible. Every car is different and takes getting used to. I reckon he has a bit of a control issue, wanting to keep you dependent on him.

BuildersTeaMaker · 02/09/2022 21:40

Blueysmum12 · 02/09/2022 20:30

I’m hoping in a month or so I can buy my own car. I absolutely hate it. Think he’s pissed off as when he rang to add me the cost actually went down a month because I’m a woman ;)

Big mistake on you’ve passed your test is to take someone so out with you for first dozen trips.

get in the car tomorrow. Without him. Without anyone. Drive somewhere you are familiar with or your test routes. Drive for a good 30 mins, preferably longer. Do not take kids in car with you as they’ll distract you for time being

kepp doing this…do all the “need to pop out for” journeys for next few weeks.

but partner can keep driving when you are togther- don’t even attempt it for the time being,

do lots of manoeuvres with car so you’re comfortable with hand break and size. Do your parking, your reversing etc. lots. Without anyone else with you. Do it until you don’t have to think much about how you are doing it, and it’s automatic and instinctive, that could take many hours yet.

only then take your partner/back seat driver out with you. And then be clear to him. He mustn’t talk to you while you’re driving as it’s a distraction. He must let you find your feat and appreciate you need to gain experience to be the perfect driver he is 🙄🤣. In a years time he can start talking to you. In turn though you say you won’t criticise his driving either when you see him doing something wrong 😉

lanthanum · 02/09/2022 21:46

I got my instructor to give me another lesson after I passed, in our car - that was really helpful.

My husband was fine when I drove, but I also gave someone a lift every week to our hobby (he had given me lifts until I learned to drive) - I didn't actually need to drive much otherwise, so that was useful practice, and he was also very encouraging.

Can you find opportunities to drive with someone else more encouraging beside you?

Penny242 · 02/09/2022 21:46

Congratulations! Tell your DH you passed your test and don’t need any instruction. Failing that, the car radio is really good for drowning out back seat drivers.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2022 21:47

Well done on passing. Hopefully with more experience your confidence will grow as you feel more comfortable behind the wheel. Sitting next to a more experienced, competent and patient driver will help, sitting next to a critical moaner will not. Do you have anyone, to help you find a car?

Onlyforcake · 02/09/2022 21:54

Drive it without an audience. My mum learned to drive late and her driving used to get worse every time she'd had him getting jumpy and moany in the passenger seat. Then she just stopped driving when he was in the car and she improved hugely in her confidence.
Passing your test isn't the end of learning to drive, you do get experience and greater understanding ..... but experiential learning by some know it all trying to lecture you.

Best wishes! And well done, my mum took 7 tests in her 30s, so you've done really well on that reckoning!

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