To not ‘get’ people watchers?

[Desertdweller8]

Everywhere I go there are tons of ‘people watchers’ who sit on benches and have their eyes glued to people/families and have no shame in being caught looking. usually I ignore it and keep to myself but it happens so often that I’m starting to question what these people gain in being nosey. There’s nothing about me that would cause wandering eyes to focus on me, I’m just an average person minding my business!


Went for a nice day at the beach before dc go back to school on Monday, sitting on a wall eating lunch and happen to look up at a lone woman watching our every movement from the sand. Found it very uncomfortable so we moved. She then seemed to have moved on to watch another family as we walked past and looked over.

now don’t get me wrong I know there are people that will think ‘how lovely a family enjoying their day’ to watch children play with fond memories of their own, and watching the busy rush of a town/city without focusing on a specific person, but I’m talking about those who intentionally sit and stare for fun with no realisation it may make some feel uncomfortable as they don’t want to be watched by strangers.

i have a friend who purposely goes to a specific cafe every morning to watch people from the window. She puts on social media things like ‘people watching from x if anyone wants to join’. She can’t explain why she does it when I asked. She’s had people approach her to argue about it and some people telling her to look away, from inside the cafe. sometimes she brings her mum and they make a morning of it. Is it loneliness? Boredom? I couldn’t think of anything more pointless than watching a family sit together/eat/walk/talk.

is there anyone here who does it? If so can I ask why? Genuinely trying to understand why it’s so common and enjoyed by so many!

[apintortwo]

I don't know how to not people watch. It just comes naturally to me.

I am discreet and wouldn't make anyone uncomfortable, though

[Bangolads]

OP’s last post- and I paraphrase - says they understand because of how depressing the world is now. I think the state of the world has nothing to do with it.🤦🏼‍♀️People are curious love. Irrelevant of what the state of the economy and Covid is et etc Did you actually take in any of the responses?
Read back over your posts and can’t help but feel that perhaps this was a humble brag , do you think it’s because you’re very good looking OP? Had it occurred to you that when people look at you they’re not really thinking about you at all…

[TwoLeftSocksWithHoles]

@apintortwo

I don't know how to not people watch. It just comes naturally to me.

I am discreet and wouldn't make anyone uncomfortable, though

Me too.

(But I stopped using the binoculars now.)

[CarmenBizet]

YANBU. Nothing wrong with people watching if you’re discreet, but some people shamelessly just glare. I’ve honestly had some days when I’ve had to check I haven’t got lipstick all over my nose or something because of the way people stare. It’s incredibly rude to just brazenly stare at people even when noticed.

[Leadingtostories]

@Desertdweller8

No not me I’m a new member so I haven’t read many threads or posted much here. I’m not that rude to suggest people read a book instead! Just curious why people love doing it so much and many have answered with their reasons now. I’m guessing it’s an escape from the individuals current life to look about at others lives and goings on which makes a lot of sense with the depressing way the world is now.

It might not be an escape. It might purely be due to having an enquiring mind and a natural interest in human behaviour.

[notprincehamlet]

You wouldn't know it from some of the threads on here but we're social animals. Taking an interest in the people around us is part of that.

[BethAfra]

I think you're being unreasonable. For a start, if you're out in public you can't really expect privacy. And watching from a distance is not intruding - that would be coming right up to you/sitting next to you. Stalking? Only if they follow you home!
I understand it might make you uncomfortable to realise someone has been watching you but that's simply because you assumed no one would.
If you feel that strongly you're going to have to confront it - have you tried saying "Oi! Mind your own business" to any of these people?

[apintortwo]

Also, you said you were watching seagulls at the beach - is observing the behaviour of birds really very different to observing the behaviour of people? I do both those things, and I don’t think they’re that different!

I've noticed this too! 😃

[apintortwo]

Nope, sometimes you sense someone is looking at you, even with my eyes closed on the Tube

What? With your eyes closed? Psychic territory here 😂

But I stopped using the binoculars now

😂

[LadyKenya]

I love to people watch. I look at what they are wearing, how their hair is styled ect. I look at them casually though, not staring, and eyeballing them.👀I may see someone in a gorgeous outfit, and be looking at them because they look nice, interesting. 👗👜💄

[LubaLuca]

People are fascinating, I love watching folk go about their business. I don't think I've ever felt watched to the point of it becoming uncomfortable - most people know how casually observe others without it become a focused study.

[5foot5]

I remember going to a beach when my DD was 3 and it was just before the school holidays, and the beach was pretty busy with families all with toddlers/pre-school age kids. There was one lone guy sitting watching everyone for ages. He didn't have a phone, or book, or newspaper, and just seemed to be watching everyone else. It made me feel a bit uncomfortable tbh but I don't know if men are judged more harshly.

I used to work somewhere that had a nice little park right beside it with benches, trees etc. and for most of the year it was a lovely place to go sit on a fine day to eat your lunch. Usually it wasn't busy, just the occasional dog walker or whatever, but you could sit and people watch, or read.

However there was a children's paddling pool that would be filled with water in the summer months and on a warm day was very popular.

On one such morning I was chatting to one of the younger chaps at work (late 20s/early 30s) and commented on the nice weather and how nice it would be to sit out at lunchtime as I knew he sometimes went to sit there. He laughed and said he better not or one of the mums might call the police. He was joking but it was obvious he had thought about it and realised that was a possibility.

Quite sad really.

[SallyWD]

I don't get people who specifically go out to watch other people - not that I really notice it. I don't ever feel I'm being watched! However, I do understand the notion of just sitting in a park or somewhere and "watching the world go by". This seems quite appealing to me. It's not staring or focusing on particular people but just watching the scene around you, taking it all in. I think that can be quite a relaxing thing to do. A contrast to the usual rushing around we all do.

[LemonsOnSaleAgain]

I think there is a difference between:
someone sitting at a cafe, for example, and enjoying everything going on around them, feeling part of Life, and
someone staring intently at a passerby or family as if watching a TV programme. These people don't tend to smile back when smiled at, in my experience.

[oviraptor21]

I don't think many people are actively 'people-watching'. But what are you supposed to look at once you've looked at the seagulls and the sand - there's not much variety in those unless you're an ornithologist I guess. People are much more interesting and even without intending to watch them, they are much more likely to catch your eye.

[KimberleyClark]

@SallyWD

I don't get people who specifically go out to watch other people - not that I really notice it. I don't ever feel I'm being watched! However, I do understand the notion of just sitting in a park or somewhere and "watching the world go by". This seems quite appealing to me. It's not staring or focusing on particular people but just watching the scene around you, taking it all in. I think that can be quite a relaxing thing to do. A contrast to the usual rushing around we all do.

This. There is a difference between active people watching and just watching the world go by without taking an interest in any one individual and speculating about them. I think that is a bit weird tbh.

[RelationshipOrNot]

I'm finding it quite interesting that people are saying "Surely you are people-watching too unless you look down at the ground?" Is that not normal? I look at the ground and at buildings; I only glance around at the area where people might be to the extent of checking I'm not going to bash into someone. I don't want to look at people or be looked at (I'm autistic which I assume is the cause of this if it's not normal), and I hate accidentally making eye contact with a person on the street (how long do I hold it for? What expression am I supposed to have?!).

I prefer to move through the world on my own, as unobserved as possible, and only interact with people if I choose to (thank goodness for self-service tills). The idea of people deliberately watching strangers and their (in my case, often awkward) interactions with other people is terrifying and humiliating to me.

[Decidualcast]

It’s place-dependent. People watching in NYC or Paris is more interesting than from a cafe in Chorley. I like to see how people dress, carry themselves, interact (mainly for dress, though). Tokyo is on my list.
I’d never make contact.

[yellowsmileyface]

I’m guessing it’s an escape from the individuals current life

For me it's the opposite. I'm an anthropologist, observing people is literally what I do. One thing that really drew me to anthropology is that growing up I was very much an outsider, and learning about what it means to be human helped me feel more connected to the human race.

When I people watch, I feel connected to other people, I feel like a part of something. I also just happen to find people endlessly fascinating. We're the most diverse animal, every human being is truly individual and I love observing other people and wondering about their lives.

I do try to be discreet, but sometimes I'll feel very drawn to a particular person and it's hard to divert my gaze. So I admit sometimes I do stare, though I really try not to!

[EmeraldShamrock1]

Next time pretend that you're picking your nose that'll put them off.

I wouldn't like someone staring at me while I was eating.

I honestly haven't noticed people watching, if I see people sitting around I assume they're relaxing taking in the scenery.

[yanxy]

if I see people sitting around I assume they're relaxing taking in the scenery.

That's what I think people watching is, you're taking it all in. Kinda of like looking at an aquarium.

Staring at someone eating is not people watching!

[InsertPunHere]

I had a very skewed view of people watching when I was young because People Judging was literally my mother’s hobby.

She and her best mate would sit at a cafe window and judge the style of everyone passing by. “Those trousers do nothing for her.” “Great boots but the dress is awful.” “His comb-over needs work.”

I thought that was what normal people did and was always self conscious when out and about. Then I discovered normal people don’t eviscerate the appearance of strangers, unlearned the habit and am happy watching people’s interactions while waiting for a train or having a cuppa in town.

[apintortwo]

just watching the world go by without taking an interest in any one individual and speculating about them. I think that is a bit weird tbh.

How can you not speculate?

[HRTQueen]

I enjoy people watching. I wouldn’t go out to to this but having a cup of coffee sitting outside a cafe or in the park. People are fascinating

its a national pastime in many countries

[EmmaH2022]

RelationshipOrnot "I prefer to move through the world on my own, as unobserved as possible"

me too, but you put it so eloquently.