AIBU?
For turning off my husbands laptop?
Tillow4ever · 01/09/2022 22:23
So tonight I went through to lock up the conservatory, and heard music coming out of my husband's work laptop. Bear in mind this is 4-5 hours after he finished work, and not the first time it has happened. He had already gone upstairs (leaving me to lock everything up, sort lunches, etc). So I shouted up to tell him there was music coming from it, he replied "just press the mute button". So I called back, "how about just turn it off rather than wasting electricity all night having it running?"
Now he is ALWAYS yelling at the kids about stuff being left on, even if they've just left the room to go to the loo. The man who leaves every light on, every cupboard open, every item left where it lands, gets very upset about anyone else doing the same.
So I went through, waited a moment, then found the shut down icon and clicked it (it was on the Lock Screen so I couldn't see any files open). When I went back into the house he yelled down to ask if I had pressed mute. I said no, I shut it down properly and didn't know where the mute button was on his laptop anyway, but it needs turning off with rising energy costs!
He started yelling at me for doing that and going on about "if he'd lost any work" to which I admit I snapped that he should have saved it before finishing and should have shut it down himself, or come down when I let him know. He told me to fuck off and die.
AIBU for having shut it down given he's not forgiving of anyone else for leaving stuff on and I gave him opportunity to come and do it himself?
YANBU - he should have done it himself if he needed anything saving
YABU - regardless of how much it was going to cost us (we pay 50/50 even though he earns 50% more than me plus I paid all childcare previously and currently pay out the kids mobile phones and my own when his goes through the house account) electricity wise I should have left it on and just found the mute button.
If you think I'm being unreasonable I will apologise to him in the morning.
Amtheyest17 · 01/09/2022 22:28
Sorry OP but I do think YABU. You should have just muted it and then asked the next day for him to shut it down in future to save electricity or unplugged it and taken it up with you for him to sort out. With most things the ‘you should have done it yourself if you didn’t want xyz to happen’ logic does apply but I think a work laptop where you could’ve potentially caused some damage is completely different. Don’t think he should have told you to fuck off and die though, bit harsh…
Tillow4ever · 01/09/2022 22:29
lancsgirl85 · 01/09/2022 22:26
He told me to fuck off and die.
He said what?!?! 😱
It's not the first time. I get told that at least once a week. It's one of the nicer things he says to me.
Christonabike37 · 01/09/2022 22:30
YANBU I also have a H that complains about wasting energy when leaving his electronics on and turning the lights on instead of opening the curtains. Complains about mess when he's the messiest fucker I know. Complains about stuff getting damaged when he leaves valuable or breakable stuff on the floor when we have a dog and a toddler.
Fucks me right off and I'm moving out soon. I suggest you do the same.
DeanStockwelll · 01/09/2022 22:32
he told uou to fuck off and die !
Christ the laptop is the least of uour worries , Newbridge speak to anybody else like that the loan husband to wife especially whilst there is children in the house he is being very very unreasonable.
As for the laptop itself if he had any out of sense he would set it up to automatically saves any new information every 5 minutes or so anyway so we shouldn't have lost anything
Tillow4ever · 01/09/2022 22:33
Amtheyest17 · 01/09/2022 22:28
Sorry OP but I do think YABU. You should have just muted it and then asked the next day for him to shut it down in future to save electricity or unplugged it and taken it up with you for him to sort out. With most things the ‘you should have done it yourself if you didn’t want xyz to happen’ logic does apply but I think a work laptop where you could’ve potentially caused some damage is completely different. Don’t think he should have told you to fuck off and die though, bit harsh…
We don't sleep together and he'd have had a go at me if I'd taken it upstairs to him. I'm having to wait up for our eldest son to get gone from the football.
I don't believe any damage would be caused as I shut it does properly, not just switched off. He's always had auto save on, the same as I do on a work laptop, and I had no reason to think he wouldn't have been stupid enough to just leave things unsaved anyway! He's 55 not an 18 year old in their first job. What would have happened if the power had gone off during the night, or if it wasn't plugged in the battery had died anyway? He'd have lost anything unsaved then, so he really should make sure everything is saved.
Last night he had left the fan running in the conservatory after he finished working in there, which would have been on all night had I not gone through.
NowThatsWhatICall22 · 01/09/2022 22:34
If you think I'm being unreasonable I will apologise to him in the morning.
Will this be before or after he apologises to you for telling you to fuck off and die?
DeanStockwelll · 01/09/2022 22:35
Newbridge = nobody
That the lone = let alone
Stupid auto correct
lancsgirl85 · 01/09/2022 22:35
NowThatsWhatICall22 · 01/09/2022 22:34
If you think I'm being unreasonable I will apologise to him in the morning.
Will this be before or after he apologises to you for telling you to fuck off and die?
At least once a week, too. That's a lot of apologies he owes OP.
Sorry OP but he sounds deeply unpleasant.
cestlavielife · 01/09/2022 22:36
Forget the laptop
Explain why you with him when he wants you to f off znd die
And this, why ???
we pay 50/50 even though he earns 50% more than me plus I paid all childcare previously and currently pay out the kids mobile phones and my own when his goes through the house account
Tillow4ever · 01/09/2022 22:36
Christonabike37 · 01/09/2022 22:30
YANBU I also have a H that complains about wasting energy when leaving his electronics on and turning the lights on instead of opening the curtains. Complains about mess when he's the messiest fucker I know. Complains about stuff getting damaged when he leaves valuable or breakable stuff on the floor when we have a dog and a toddler.
Fucks me right off and I'm moving out soon. I suggest you do the same.
This is him to a t! It makes me feel better that I'm not going crazy by this attitude. It's silly things like he'll take the sugar and cereal out to make breakfast, and just leave the box and sugar on the side instead of taking 2 secs to put them away. He'll go to the kitchen after dinner to get pudding/a drink.... but leave his dirty plate and cutlery on the table or chair if we're in the front room. Drives me mad. But it's when he switches off the kids consoles in the middle of a game because they went to the toilet or to grab a drink and then yells at them when they get upset that they lost their game/progress that really annoys me.
deeperthanallroses · 01/09/2022 22:36
Umm you have bigger problems. It is probably not just your phones that you have to pay for out of your own money, and you should not be paying 50/50 bills. But the bigger problem than that is that my relationship would be over after getting told fuck off and die.
Fairylightsongs · 01/09/2022 22:38
What a prince amongst men he is,why are you with him?
SirenSays · 01/09/2022 22:38
Yabu for turning off the laptop and for staying in such a miserable relationship.
AlsoknownasOther · 01/09/2022 22:38
This is totally a, 'does this nail on my rotting leg look right to you?' issue in your relationship.
Tillow4ever · 01/09/2022 22:39
lancsgirl85 · 01/09/2022 22:31
@Tillow4ever
Why are you with him?
I've posted before about him on my old name - he's been emotionally abusive to me for almost 20 years, and I'm so worn down I have Io confidence to leave. He's made sure I have no way to save money to leave. He threatened to fight for at least 50/50 custody of the kids when they were younger and likely to get that approved in court - he does NOTHING with it for the kids, and the kids hate him, it was a tool/ploy to get me to comply. He refused to put the house on the market when I asked for a divorce - I couldn't afford to move out without that, he wouldn't leave and he couldn't have afforded to pay the mortgage and maintenance for the kids so he knew it would force me to stay.
cestlavielife · 01/09/2022 22:41
he switches off the kids consoles in the middle of a game because they went to the toilet or to grab a drink and then yells at them
Nice isnt he? Does this for a laugh?
Do the kids like him at all? What does he bring to their life? To your life?
Tillow4ever · 01/09/2022 22:41
NowThatsWhatICall22 · 01/09/2022 22:34
If you think I'm being unreasonable I will apologise to him in the morning.
Will this be before or after he apologises to you for telling you to fuck off and die?
I was hoping that I'm not being unreasonable but was prepared that maybe I was being petty and his response was justified because of it.
He never apologies when he says that. Like how he doesn't apologise when he yells at me to get me to stop talking/having an opinion he doesn't like.
Farmmum77 · 01/09/2022 22:42
Please leave him. He doesn’t deserve to live with other human beings.
cestlavielife · 01/09/2022 22:44
Just divorcehim now
See a lawyer
Why are you forcing dc to live with him?
At least they would only need to be with him 50 % and can vote with their feet soon enough
You haVe a job
Leave
Brigante9 · 01/09/2022 22:44
Please do the Freedom programme and speak to Womens’ Aid. Surely you can’t stay with someone who treats you so badly?
Tillow4ever · 01/09/2022 22:45
cestlavielife · 01/09/2022 22:41
he switches off the kids consoles in the middle of a game because they went to the toilet or to grab a drink and then yells at them
Nice isnt he? Does this for a laugh?
Do the kids like him at all? What does he bring to their life? To your life?
They hate him. But he has us trapped. We walk on eggshells. I stay because I can protect them from it to an extent - if he had the 50/50 (which he threatened to apply for) I couldn't do anything about the way he treats them the time they're with him. It feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I have no spare money to get a solicitor, but he most certainly does and would do to make sure he "wins".
I have no way to afford a place of our own whilst having to pay for half a mortgage so he can't try to claim more of the equity.
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