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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For turning off my husbands laptop?

81 replies

Tillow4ever · 01/09/2022 22:23

So tonight I went through to lock up the conservatory, and heard music coming out of my husband's work laptop. Bear in mind this is 4-5 hours after he finished work, and not the first time it has happened. He had already gone upstairs (leaving me to lock everything up, sort lunches, etc). So I shouted up to tell him there was music coming from it, he replied "just press the mute button". So I called back, "how about just turn it off rather than wasting electricity all night having it running?"

Now he is ALWAYS yelling at the kids about stuff being left on, even if they've just left the room to go to the loo. The man who leaves every light on, every cupboard open, every item left where it lands, gets very upset about anyone else doing the same.

So I went through, waited a moment, then found the shut down icon and clicked it (it was on the Lock Screen so I couldn't see any files open). When I went back into the house he yelled down to ask if I had pressed mute. I said no, I shut it down properly and didn't know where the mute button was on his laptop anyway, but it needs turning off with rising energy costs!

He started yelling at me for doing that and going on about "if he'd lost any work" to which I admit I snapped that he should have saved it before finishing and should have shut it down himself, or come down when I let him know. He told me to fuck off and die.

AIBU for having shut it down given he's not forgiving of anyone else for leaving stuff on and I gave him opportunity to come and do it himself?

YANBU - he should have done it himself if he needed anything saving

YABU - regardless of how much it was going to cost us (we pay 50/50 even though he earns 50% more than me plus I paid all childcare previously and currently pay out the kids mobile phones and my own when his goes through the house account) electricity wise I should have left it on and just found the mute button.

If you think I'm being unreasonable I will apologise to him in the morning.

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 02/09/2022 14:31

Sorry, one more question actually! Which board on here would you think is best for advice about my ACTUAL issues, because you're right, it's the relationship that needs addressing? I don't think AIBU is the right place to get gentle advice from, even though there's been some great advice so far.

Thank you in advance.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 02/09/2022 14:35

I hope you manage to get yourself and your children away from this guy OP. He sounds awful. At 10 if your youngest didn't want contact with him a judge might take that into consideration

TriceratopsRocks · 02/09/2022 14:46

Tillow4ever · 02/09/2022 14:31

Sorry, one more question actually! Which board on here would you think is best for advice about my ACTUAL issues, because you're right, it's the relationship that needs addressing? I don't think AIBU is the right place to get gentle advice from, even though there's been some great advice so far.

Thank you in advance.

Best to post on the Relationships board.
www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships

KyaClark · 02/09/2022 16:17

Tillow4ever · 02/09/2022 14:31

Sorry, one more question actually! Which board on here would you think is best for advice about my ACTUAL issues, because you're right, it's the relationship that needs addressing? I don't think AIBU is the right place to get gentle advice from, even though there's been some great advice so far.

Thank you in advance.

People are a lot nicer on the Relationship me board.

Sunnyqueen · 02/09/2022 17:15

You don't need to put up with this op and neither do your kids. If you can't leave for your own sake leave for theirs and the damage that will have been done to them growing up watching your relationship and being subjected to their fathers treatment.

I know you say you have no savings but really it's not about money. Women leave their spouses everyday with nothing but their children and the clothes on their backs and make it work. If you are fortunate enough to be entitled to money post divorce that can all be sorted out later.

IrishladyNE · 02/09/2022 19:41

i agree, I left packed up my car and went to parents and gave myself 3 months to turn around. By this point I’d lost my job because he keep disappearing when I needed to go to work.

I did move out in 3 months, hardest thing I ever did but so glad I did. Now I have a lovely peaceful life, a happy child and a good job.

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