Dh went to raise hand to 4 year old

[Alljustfeelsabitsad]

Dd, 4 has been V v challenging lately, biting us, hitting and kicking us and the dog etc, screaming and shouting…it’s been horrendous, she wasn’t like this until the last few months.
Today she was spinning her toy camera around fast, I told her to stop or she’d hot someone or hit herself. It ended up whacking her in the head. She started screaming and crying hysterically, I was trying to console her but she’d scream at me or hit me. We were both calm, trying to get her to calm down, she was shouting at us and hitting me. I went to move away and she got me really hard, Dh lost it and stood up as if to hit her-arms in the motion, hr didn’t hit her but was really cross, Dd cried more and I carried her upstairs out of the situation.
Feeling so upset by it all, Dh also really upset and saying to me he didn’t mean to do it, he also cried.
Dh loves Dd to pieces, he’s a good person, we both do and are both naturally calm people. I feel so ashamed of us and don’t know how to handle her anymore.

@Greenwichresident Thanks so much for writing that, it means a lot at the moment, hoping things will get better ❤️‍🩹

Yes, I asked for this thread to be deleted 10 minutes ago as feel a bit low at some of the comments, have had some helpful advice from many though. Our dog is very much loved also, by all of us, we’re just having a hard time at the moment.
I’m a little worried about this Pandas illness, but just don’t understand this temper and change in her to this extent

I remember when I was in constant pain due to a back issue.

I was moody, irritable, angry all the time. But I was an adult that has much better control of emotions and behaviour than a 4 year old. It could be that she's in pain and she can't deal with it

Try Sunshine Support. They’re in Derby and they did a seminar on it recently I believe.

You have two separate issues.
The physical one. The medics will need to diagnose and treat.
The behaviour. You need a plan in place. Clear and logical rules and consequences. That both you and DH follow. Not random things that you ban like TV watching.
It isn’t that physical issues can’t affect behaviour. It’s that the behaviour still needs dealing with. And that you need to give her coping strategies for when she’s angry.
You aren’t doing her any favours by saying it’s the physical thing causing the outbursts. Or it’s her age etc etc.

Frankly, although it's taboo to admit it on MN, most parents - otherwise good and gentle parents at that - will have followed through and actually smacked in a situation where a child is being a violent nightmare like yours seems to be at the moment.

You should be grateful for the restraint your DH showed, not angry that he's human and not a saint.

It's really disturbing that the response to what sounds like a massive tantrum is that there must be something wrong with a 4 year old. She's just about to go to school and is a young 4 at that. She will be anxious and aware that things are changing.

Her tantrums are not reasonable but no 4 year old is and unless they are multiple times a day every day it's unlikely to be anything but a tantrum.

Sounds like she's dreading school starting too, lots of kids absolutely thrive at school though. My oldest is definitely better behaved when he has the stimulation and routine of school. I hope your daughter gets her stomach issues sorted soon. 'Calmer easier happier children' is a good book for you and your DH to read.