Dh went to raise hand to 4 year old

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Dd, 4 has been V v challenging lately, biting us, hitting and kicking us and the dog etc, screaming and shouting…it’s been horrendous, she wasn’t like this until the last few months.
Today she was spinning her toy camera around fast, I told her to stop or she’d hot someone or hit herself. It ended up whacking her in the head. She started screaming and crying hysterically, I was trying to console her but she’d scream at me or hit me. We were both calm, trying to get her to calm down, she was shouting at us and hitting me. I went to move away and she got me really hard, Dh lost it and stood up as if to hit her-arms in the motion, hr didn’t hit her but was really cross, Dd cried more and I carried her upstairs out of the situation.
Feeling so upset by it all, Dh also really upset and saying to me he didn’t mean to do it, he also cried.
Dh loves Dd to pieces, he’s a good person, we both do and are both naturally calm people. I feel so ashamed of us and don’t know how to handle her anymore.

You are minimizing your DH’s appalling behaviour, and trying to blame your DH instead.

You need to separate your DD and your dog. If you don’t then you are risking an incident that will last for the rest of your DD’s life.

@HappyChloé2 Thanks for your help 👍

Sounds like you need to get a handle on this, and quickly.

A 4 year old attacking a dog is a big fucking disaster waiting to happen.

@HappyChloé2 I said I separated them, of course they’re separate and I’m trying to deal with my Dds change in behaviour, it’s not like her and I’m v worried

@CapMarvel Shes not attacking the dog.

@TheodoreMortlock That sounds really frightening.
She’s had problems with her tummy and has stomach pain a lot, we’re under a private gastro Pediatric etc

Completely agree

What happens afterwards? Are there consequences for DD?

My hand would be on automatic too
Only joking, OP. They all go through their bratty stages you should see my 16 year old girl
He didn't do it and was obviously mortified, so I wouldn't worry too much. Just do your best to get through, and continue to put up a united front.

Your OP literally says "hitting and kicking us and the dog".

I honestly hope that it was a typo and not that you are backtracking on it - if you are, please, for the sake of both your daughter and the dog find the dog somewhere else to live, at least until you get DD's temper under control.

Have a look at this on pans / pandas www.pandasppn.org/pans/

if this is new and out of character for her then it could well be as simple as post viral illness and treatable. If it’s not that, then you have eliminated one possibility and can go from there.

You literally say she is in your OP

Dd, 4 has been V v challenging lately, biting us, hitting and kicking us and the dog etc

If someone raised their hand to my son. Family member or not. I’d be In jail.

Why are you changing your story? You previously wrote

”biting us, hitting and kicking us and the dog etc.”

What’s the point in posting if you are just going to lie like this?

poor dog. it’s going to pay the price when it understandably snaps 🙁

Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you. Pandas is treatable. My child is autistic and when we have parents join our local group saying their child is suddenly showing extreme signs of possible ASD having never shown them before, we always suggest pandas, hence raising it here. I hope you get the answers and the support you need whatever those may be.

How would that help your son?

I wonder if he was smacked as a child. When you have been hit as a child, it can be almost an instinctive response to start to raise your hand, and you have to consciously stop yourself. Lots of us (age 35+ I suppose?) were hit, smacked and beaten as children and breaking the cycle takes work.

@TheodoreMortlock Thank you for your help, I really appreciate it 🙏 how do they diagnose it? Is it treatable?

@HappyChloé2 Im not trying to back track on anything, our dog is kept separate, we know how to look after our much loved dog, please if you can’t offer help, just leave it, a very hard day and feeling pretty fragile and down

Your DH didn't actually hit your DD and it seems this has given him a bit of a fright and upset him. That's a good thing, it think it shows he wants to do better.

But you do need to get a handle on whats happening with your DD. (As you are trying)
At 4 they can say if they are in pain, sorry if ive missed this, but is she actually saying shes in pain whilst lashing out?

You obviously know she shouldn't be biting and hitting (especially not aimed at the dog)
What do you currently do for a consequences of bad behaviour?
Do you think its because of her stomach so you dont have any consequence?

You are doing really well, i think its normal to feel the way you guys do at being hit and kicked often.

@TheodoreMortlock We all had covid back in May, could it come after that maybe? Is it able to be treated/does it go away?

But you completely changed your story. You literally described your daughter attacking your dog then when anyone asked about it claimed that this never happened. What on Earth is the point of doing this?

Not surprised by your DH actions, well lack of, almost action. That sort of behaviour would drive me to the edge too. If my son was punching and kicking at age 4 there would be serious consequences and action. I was hit as a child, dont condone it but plenty of functioning, normal adults had took a few hits once in a while. Your dd will be fine. Worried about dog situation as pp say.

@tiggergoesbounce Thank you

Her behaviour is definitely worse when she has tummy ache and she has it a lot at the moment, she’s had blood testing, scans, x rays etc and was found to be impacted, so are treating that at the moment. I can see it’s down to that (I think, I can’t be sure 100%) that’s why I’m unsure what to do as she gets told off etc but often cried afterwards and I feel horrendously guilty