Businessmen train wankers

[HandbagsnGladrags]

AIBU to think that if you're on a train going out of London and you know there's like a billion tunnels and zero phone signal, you don't sit there on the phone like a self important wanker ringing everyone in your contacts and saying 'have I lost you again'.....'yah, been in London with clients'.....'hello, can you hear me? on repeat for the entire frickin journey?

Also, angry typer and crisp cruncher can also fuck off.

Now where did I put my airpods?

But the real champions were the ones who knew how to do the "Telegraph fold".

(I'd forgotten all about this - also old!)

But the real champions were the ones who knew how to do the "Telegraph fold".

Ah yes, I still can't fathom how they could turn the page and read all of the paper in A5 form.

The ones who really piss me off are the ones on their laptops who refuse to tuck in their manspread when I sit in the seat next to them - if their presentation was that f**king important they shouldn't be putting it together on the train on the way into the office.

When you sit down, just sit so you take up the seat. If you partially sit on their leg they do move it, Just say oh sorry, and then do not move. Take up your space.

This is freaking genius!

I'm on a commuter train home right now and got onto a carriage with no seats empty and one prick businessman who was sat in the aisle seat with his bag taking up the window seat.

A couple of people had decided to stand rather than ask him to move it.

I've had a shit day at work so was up for a fight - I think he might have detected my 'I'm taking no fucking prisoners today asshole' tone underneath my very polite request to take the spare seat he was manspreading all over

He hesitated half a beat as though weighing up whether to be arsey and clearly decided against it.

Which is lucky for him because I was poised and ready for a verbal!

I did do a slide deck on the train this morning though.

Managed to do it without manspreading all over the fucking joint though

They can’t be that important otherwise they’d be in First Class.

Good work!

Manspreaders- the response unless putting yourself in possible peril/threat is to tell them that we don't need to know they are below average size.

I liked the response to giving out the phone number.

Of course all this is yet another argument for working from home at least part of the week where your job and technology allows.

They can’t be that important otherwise they’d be in First Class.

Ah but the self-importance, and thus the wanker quotient, rises even further in First Class.

Although there are some 'terribly nice' men discussing their long weekends in Val D'Isere while sipping on their 'tastes like p*ss' freebie glass of red wine as they savour being masters of the universe on the 17.11 Pendolino from Manchester Piccadilly.

Oh yes! They used to look very dismissively at those that couldn't do it. I also seemed to remember those that folded the paper also tended to sit cross-legged and be more respectful of their fellow passengers.

Also I once fainted on that train and everyone was fab at looking the other way. Bastards.

The best (worst) place to find the greater spotted wannabe Wolf of Wallstreet is in their habitat - the airport lounge

Airport lounges are hideous places, full of randoms slobbing around, munching and getting pissed as if there was no tomorrow

In this habitat, the scruffier you look, the more important you are, it seems. They have turned into filthy campsites 😂

God this made me laugh! Thanks for that 😄

The nob on my train hung up one of his calls with a wry little laugh and muttered 'it never ends' to no one in particular. He was reveling in his business and importantness.

😂😂 So funny. What a prat.

I once knew a woman who worked in executive search. She was once on a train opposite a woman having a loud and indiscreet conversation about a job she'd found out about. She was telling her friend all about it and talking through the pros and cons of applying. Unfortunately for her, she mentioned the name of the person handling the recruitment. Yes, my friend, who got out a business card and handed it to her as she got off the train...

When I used to travel by train for business I used to put my phone to my ear as we approached a tunnel and have a loud mock conversation with my friend whilst others around me were frowning at no signal bars on theirs. I would invariable manage to work into the conversation "This new phone that works in tunnels is fantastic, only losers would travel by train without one."

That’s because they are completely disorganised. Can’t make the phone call at work as they’re incompetent at their job.

Or at the very least sat in First Class.

I commute into London regularly and I have to be honest it’s women I find most guilty of this. Without sounding arrogant, I am quite senior in a global corp, and I never ever take a call on the train where I’d discuss anything indiscreet, what I do is too confidential and I generally text or email and say I’m sorry I’m on the train.

I listen to some of the conversations and I’m genuinely bemused at peoples indiscretion and it really is mainly women for me.

Did anyone else think this strand was actually about suited blokes wanking to porn on their mobiles?

Nope, just you 😂

I don't want to look like a twat

And yet you own airpods...

Everyone has airpods!!

On a side note, since when did a PowerPoint presentation become a "slide deck"? This makes me cringe as much as anything else