Your premise assumes that ALL affairs are bad, immoral, unnecessary and I expect selfish - before we (modern woman) gained our absolute freedom - post war 1945-2000 … affairs happened because more and more women were able to work having worked for the war effort - this created post-war opportunities for women to escape over-bearing and abusive partners and rekindle intimacy on various levels.
as the pandemic proved, being trapped at home during lockdown with an abusive H CREATED a spike in divorce and separations - and affairs.
BUT CONSIDER THIS - a husband or wife who don’t enjoy wedded bliss, no longer need to suffer in silence - there is an escape route - notice on here … wives were blissfully ignorant and could have remained so but for careless use of comms equipment -
So the affair itself - WHY? The worst reason … “because I can” … the usual reason, “because I feel abandoned, unloved and taken for granted; I’ve given up my career, pushed out three children … he gobbles his food down, burps, breaks wind and has no interest in the daily sacrifices I make - comes home drunk from client events and when we go places, like garden centre cafes, we sit in silence, him reading a newspaper or playing with his phone and football obsession” -
BEGINNING TO SEE WHY AFFAIRS START?
So girlfriends know how I feel - but I’m not leaving because even though it’s not 1945 or the year 2000, I’m not walking away and disrupting the lives of our children - AND YES I STILL LOVE HIM - but I (a married woman) can have what I need (with a married man) on equal terms - away from home with all bases covered a few times a month - I have achieved Discrete Satisfaction and able to cope with the continuing drudge at home.
I am sure there’ll be lots of judgmental people on here, those who got cheated on who will disagree - but both my lover and I have satisfied (and continue to do so) the intimacy that’s evaporated at home for one reason or another.
My H and his W are blissfully unaware - we’re very careful, mindful of the possible consequences but not stupid enough to allow stray comms to end the fun and excitement that’s been missing for years!
it can be done with some mutual planning - there are days, like at family gatherings when I feel guilty and the drudge of slavery continues unabated at home, but then a message from Dan (not his real name) and my whole life lights up and calm and order prevails.
A successful affair can strengthen you at home particularly when the definition of wedded bliss is glossed over and generalised by others on a moral crusade -