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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I can’t cater for everyone

108 replies

Hadenough201 · 31/08/2022 19:41

Hi first time poster but am at my witts end and have lost perspective and don’t know if I am being unreasonable. Basically I used to love cooking and been on courses etc however trying to accommodate for all the dislikes and preferences my children and step children have and husband is making every meal a battle and I now dread trying to think of something. After a particularly bad week I delacred have had enough and said I will not be cooking for anyone but me. I know this unreasonable after I calmed down ! So said we need to talk about how to make this work so I am asking for what rules or even meal suggestions that you may have to give background

husband is gluten intolerant

eldest daughter has autism so that brings some texture difficulties and also foods touching ( however will eat most foods and tbh sepearting her portion apart is not an issue what is causing some conflict is he need to know in advance and also change of plans or brands/ingredients etc)

younger daughter doesn’t like pasta or fish or milk/creamy sauces

son is very picky but loves any red meat and broccoli!

stepdaughter is vegan

Stepson doesn’t like any form of potatoe (even chips!)

younger stepson is lactose intolerant

sorry that is so long but thanks I’m advance

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/09/2022 09:11

Also oldest kids can make some of their own food

bodie1890 · 08/09/2022 09:22

Make two options per meal.

One option caters for the gluten/ dairy free and vegan.

The other option has meat/ dairy/ gluten.

Kids saying they don't like potato/ pasta/ a certain sauce or whatever will have to lump it - in a house like that you can't possibly cater for everyone's likes. Potato and pasta are completely inoffensive and bland, it's pretty ridiculous for kids not to like them. They need to branch out a bit.

Summerfun54321 · 08/09/2022 09:42

Agree cater to intolerances, allergies and autism and the others better learn to like more food or go hungry. Food dislikes are a first world problem.

Gobimanchurian · 08/09/2022 21:28

Ouch… I can see why you’re losing it! We don’t have it quite as bad (me, DH, 3 teens..)

Me - pescatarian, DH - eats anything
DD1 - vegetarian, DD2 - vegetarian, milk & egg allergy + some nuts,
DS - pescatarian, doesn’t like most veg, allergic to some nuts/prawns

Aside from that they all have preferences (DD2 doesn’t ‘like’ potatoes or halloumi, twins won’t eat mushrooms etc)

Meals we all eat that might be flexible for you:
*teriyaki salmon (tofu for girls) with rice, broccoli, soy beans
*Quorn Spag Bol (can offer garlic bread as well as spaghetti)
*Veggie burgers (bean/soy/fake chicken/halloumi) & oven chips (gluten free buns?)
*Jacket potato ‘buffet’ (multiple filling options, tuna, cheese, beans, hummus, coleslaw, chilli /wraps as alternative)
*Vegi Chilli with rice/chips/pitta (choose 1 or all the carbs)
*Veggie Curry /rice/Naan/poppadums (as above)
*Vegetable fried rice with/out egg, tofu, (sometimes with breaded fish on the side)
*Quorn enchiladas/fajitas
*quorn Lasagne with salad /chips/garlic bread
*Sunday roast, Quorn veg, Yorkshire puds

Sometime I can’t be arsed and they have beans on toast, frozen pizzas, bagels etc.

Other times I make something for me and DH (Tuna nicoise) and let them fend for themselves (they’re 15, 15, 18) or just make what I’m making and they eat it or leave it…

Any inspo there?

UWhatNow · 08/09/2022 22:09

“…in regards to my husband cooking he works long hours but every night he does offer to cook but he is a terrible cook so when he follows a recipe etc it takes him about double the time it should plus normally it involves logs of questions !”

That old chestnut!

So he gets to walk the dog and you, because you’re so damn good at domestic slavery are left with the catering conundrum every day…. Righto

I swear to God women are their own worst enemies sometimes. 🙄

purplehair1 · 08/09/2022 22:58

I think I’d run away crying after the first week!

Prettydress · 10/09/2022 13:25

Awww that sounds tough. Are there some days your step children don't eat with you? So that would change the requirements?

It sounds just very overwhelming. What might work is if you put together a table with a list of foods along the top with items people will generally eat ice chicken, beef, Quorn, fish, chickpeas, rice, tortillas, gf tortillas, chips, jacket potatoes etc and put each member of the family's name down the side and get them to tick what they will eat ( stress how difficult meal times are and that it's not about what you like, it's about what you are willing to eat).

Then if you look down the columns you at least will have a visual of what foods most people will tollerate, and you can filter, depending on who is present for food.

Then with the ingredients you could pick a style of food - Mexican, Indian, Thai, Italian ...

So if everyone having food will eat rice, broccoli, and chickpeas - you could make a veg Thai curry ( sauce is easy with a curry paste, frozen soffrito,frozen veg and tin of coconut milk) with a big pan of rice and if you have the energy some chicken on the side and a bread and gf bread side.

Or if the vegan isn't around and everyone will eat beef and jacket potatoes - you could do Mexican style chille with jacket spuds and just have some store cupboard/freezer bread style side.

I would rely heavily on freezer foods - frozen veg Inc chopped onions, soffrito etc and marinaded meat you can cook from frozen would be a godsend and store cupboard like tortillas, bake yourself baguettes etc and ready made curry pastes. And if you don't already have one an instant pot, rice cooker and airfryer - not necessarily quicker but once the lid is on, you don't need to prod and poke and don't burn which totally takes the stress out of cooking.

There is nothing wrong with the cooking being your sole responsibility as long as your partner is doing something else to balance.

Good luck. X

Prettydress · 10/09/2022 14:21

You don't mention if budget is an issue but if it's not, could you possibly put all the likes / dislikes / preferences into gusto and see what they come up with?

Or get a stash of ready meals for the most difficult/ fussy people to cater for and then make a meal that 90 percent of people will like and just shove something separate in the oven for them.

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