I can’t cater for everyone

[Hadenough201]

Hi first time poster but am at my witts end and have lost perspective and don’t know if I am being unreasonable. Basically I used to love cooking and been on courses etc however trying to accommodate for all the dislikes and preferences my children and step children have and husband is making every meal a battle and I now dread trying to think of something. After a particularly bad week I delacred have had enough and said I will not be cooking for anyone but me. I know this unreasonable after I calmed down ! So said we need to talk about how to make this work so I am asking for what rules or even meal suggestions that you may have to give background

husband is gluten intolerant

eldest daughter has autism so that brings some texture difficulties and also foods touching ( however will eat most foods and tbh sepearting her portion apart is not an issue what is causing some conflict is he need to know in advance and also change of plans or brands/ingredients etc)

younger daughter doesn’t like pasta or fish or milk/creamy sauces

son is very picky but loves any red meat and broccoli!

stepdaughter is vegan

Stepson doesn’t like any form of potatoe (even chips!)

younger stepson is lactose intolerant

sorry that is so long but thanks I’m advance

You can accommodated date everyone if you make 'feasts' which are served in the middle of the table and everyone takes what they want.
Lots of elements can be batch cooked and frozen, so although it seems like a lot of effort it isn't really.
Curry night: a chicken, brushed with a tandoori paste without the yogurt and roasted, served with: rice, Bombay potatoes, cauliflower bhaji, mixed vegetable curry, daal, raita. All but the chicken, rice and raita can be pulled from the freezer.
Mexican night: some plain, some spiced fajita fillings, a veg chilli, rice, some gluten free wraps, salad, grated cheese, salsa, guacamole.
Sausage night: gluten free sausages, vegan sausages, mashed potato, veggies, hot dog buns for potato disliker. Gluten free gravy.
Not everyone can eat everything, but everyone can eat something and it turns dinner back into a social affair from a battle.
Good luck!

If your husband cooked more often he would get better than it. I would rather walk 5 dogs than cater to this bunch of fusspots honestly. In large families no one should get to choose what they like or don't like. Eat what you are given. My head hurts at how much you are being asked to do.

Hi OP

I was looking at slow cookers today, I saw one with three pots in and thought of you - Amazon has it for under £40.

www.homiu.com/collections/baking/products/homiu-triple-slow-cooker-3-individual-heat-pots-easy-clean-non-stick-temperature-control-3-settings-low-medium-high-300w-power-ceramic-silver

Start with a list of what everyone will eat.

Meatballs: meaty and veggie
Tomato sauce
Wraps: gluten free and standard
Broccoli

Etc.

Give us that list. We'll be able to help!

Sandwiches. Lots of sandwiches.

Personally I would consider sitting the family down together and explaining that it's just not feasible to cater to everyone's preferences every day. Allergies & vegan yes, but not just dislikes. On the day something they dislike what's on offer they can have a sandwich instead.

I would then try to make sure each child only has to deal with a dislike every couple of weeks by making a two week meal plan which you can keep replaying on rotation. Hopefully this will minimise the mental load for you too.

A few meal suggestions:
Pasta (+gf option) with Tom / veg / Bolognese sauce with vegan Quorn.
Pizza (+gf +vegan)
Tapas style Mediterranean
Mexican or French style chicken tray bake (with vegan in separate tray )
Baked potato with choice of fillings (no potato person can use fillings in a sandwich)
Chilli (with vegan option) served with rice or potato

Good luck!

I would cater to real allergies and dietary restrictions. When it comes to preferences, people need to either eat around it, make a sandwich, or suck it up.

Could you batch cook some meals and build up a stash gradually so you have 3 or 4 meals each child would eat - then pull out the freezer and heat up and eat together. Even 2 or 3 tines a week would probably make it much less stress for you?

I really feel your pain regarding pleasing everyone, though I can't claim my family are as complex.
Perhaps it's worth ditching the idea of what constitutes 'a meal' and providing what I call 'bits and pieces' in the centre of the table for everyone to take what they want. As others have similarly suggested...

I thought my lot were bad!! DS1 is veggie. DD doesn’t eat anything spicy or particularly saucy. XP was gluten intolerant. I had to make 4 versions of every fucking meal and it was exhausting! Then he wondered why I always asked him to get takeaway when he came over.

I would make eg curry, and make a mild sauce, add chicken for us, add quorn and a bit more spice for DS, give rice to everyone and naan to those who can eat it.

Similarly if I did jacket potatoes. I’d cook normal sausages, veg sausages. Beans, cheese, tuna and sweetcorn etc so everyone chooses what they want, and then whatever is leftover is used for the next days dinner or in sandwiches.

When I make bolognese I make a huge batch. Freeze it into portions and I turn some into chilli too. I will make a smaller pan of quorn bolognese which is also split and turned into veggie chilli. Then when we have chilli DD has a portion of leftover bolognese instead. XP would have rice with both, or GF pasta.

it’s a pain in the arse but if I’m going to the trouble of cooking I’d rather they all eat and enjoy it.

You must be tearing your hair out. No wonder you went on strike!
We have a different issue in this house. Everything I cook has to be able to be reheated and eaten piecemeal:

DH home at 6 or 7.30, or in at 3.30 and out again by 4.30, back home after 9.
I have to leave at either 6, 6.30 or 6.45 several times a week.
DC1 home at 4 and out by 5, or home at 7.30, other times not till 11.
DC2 leaves at 5.30 and home at midnight.

The ones being fussy should just eat what they get
I wouldn’t cater for likes and dislikes only actual intolerances .
when we were growing up we were told eat it or go without. Hungry children will eat and they will soon learn to like it I’m sorry but they’re just too many children to cater for everyone’s tastes and they will just have to lump it.
Beans and potatoes can be picked out Bread on the side instead

We have a rule in this house. Dietary necessities are catered for. Dietary likes and dislikes are ignored and they either eat what's on offer or sort their own out.

I had 2 fussy eaters and nearly sent myself mad cooking 4 or 5 different meals each night. They soon started eating what was on offer when they realised it was that or a bowl of cereal or toast. We've also got 2 coeliacs in extended family, and I automatically buy gluten free food so it can be made into meals easily ie stock cubes, sausages/meat products, cornflour, corn tortillas etc.

Have them make a list of meals for themselves and then see what matches

Perhaps try shrew instead?

Definitely think tapas/smorgasbord type meals

grilled chicken, roast beef, steamed veg, pasta (one or both types), salads, mix of breads, vegan option, there are lots of plant based options out now. Then I’d add lots of condiments to choose from.

if you like cooking and you have the option then batch cook and potion up curries, soups, chillies etc and defrost different ones to put in the mix each day to add variety.

Make everything glegan (GF + vegan) as that’ll sort out the dietary requirements. Don’t let the foods touch.

If no one likes it they can make their own food.

Also why is your husband not cooking too?

I feel your pain. Only 3 dc here but between us we have autism (more than one), nut allergy, gluten intolerance (and fussy) , Type 1 Diabetes and a vegetarian.

I gave up trying to feed everyone the same thing. I tend to try and have a base meal with variations where needed but it doesn't always work.

Tonight was 3x pasta bolognaise, 1x pasta with pesto, and 1x fish fingers with waffles. My gluten intolerant one can't stand Gf pasta.

I do pizza night once a week which is dead easy as everyone has a pizza that suits them. If I do sausages then everyone has the same Gf sausages but the vegetarian has veggie ones, the rest of the meal is the same. I do a roast dinner with just a veggie alternative for the meat. Salad is good because I just pile stuff on the table and people take what they like. We have it with jacket potato or baguette (with Gf bread for the gi child).

It helps if you do easy to cook stuff then it's not as big a deal if you end up cooking different things.

I would sit them all down and make them come up with a meal plan together (while you go to the pub) of meals they will eat/tolerate. Then just cook it on rotation. Make it their problem.

I agree with meal plan. They all need to come up with seven dishes they'd like for dinner and then you AND HUSBAND can work a meal plan.

Or - you could consider getting into Mexican food, or tapas type eating? Things like tacos where you have a selection of salads, meats, sweet potato, beans etc. that they can pick and choose to put in?

This sounds like a good idea - what do you think about this, OP? You could have a few bowls of veg - vary it up a bit, e.g. always some sort of salad, then one or two types of veg (microwaved frozen veg or veg that’s quick to cook, for minimum fuss) - then a couple of bowls of rice and pasta, and a couple of bowls of some sort of protein e.g. meat, fish, seafood, tofu. And could you and your husband divide up the cooking - and maybe older DC could help (or all of them could do something to help?)

What works best with my picky eater is ignoring it completely with him and serving up component meals (as others have suggested above). He now eats some very surprising non-beige foods. We have gradually worked out his boundary is "sauce".

I may irritate vegans here but I would only entertain the veganism in a vague "pick the vegetables in the meal" way and/or batch cook a baked vegan meal that can be frozen and used at will.

Basically those asking what would happen in the 1950's - it would be a roast/ meat and potatoes meal daily.... Meat/lots of veg/potatoes/gravy. The potato hater gets a hunk of bread. Works for all of them with various bits missing.

Could you colour code containers, portion control the week’s food by batch cooking at the weekend?

DH stir fry - blue container (add gluten free noodles/rice/bread later)
DD 13 stir fry separate ingredients - green container
DD 10 stir fry mix veg - blue container
DS 7 beef stroganoff, beef ragu, beef strips - red container
DSD 14 tofu stir fry, breaded tofu, - yellow container
DSS 9 stir fry mix veg - blue container
DSS 6 stir fry mix veg - blue container

fill the freezer with handy portions (blue seems bigger,) multiple marinades to the proteins separately (Cajun prawns, teriyaki chicken, breaded beef, garlic tofu etc); bulk up, on the day, with garlic bread, wrap breads, ciabattas, salad, rice, pasta, noodles, etc.

it would be a full days preparation, on the weekend, but it means you could leave the rest of the week to the family to set up & reheat etc.

… sounds a faff but better one day faff than everyday faff, give the kids rolls, set table, clear table, prep veg, wash dishes etc.

good luck 🍀

Oh my lord. Just run away OP.

Ok I think you need to separate out the preferences from the intolerances.

Autism and food intolerances can't be helped so these are prioritised.

Work meals around this and the others that dont like things just go without. Eg dont like a creamy sauce - add the cream at the last minute and serve the one who does like it beforehand

Let the one who doesnt like potato get his own toast as a side etc