I can’t cater for everyone

[Hadenough201]

Hi first time poster but am at my witts end and have lost perspective and don’t know if I am being unreasonable. Basically I used to love cooking and been on courses etc however trying to accommodate for all the dislikes and preferences my children and step children have and husband is making every meal a battle and I now dread trying to think of something. After a particularly bad week I delacred have had enough and said I will not be cooking for anyone but me. I know this unreasonable after I calmed down ! So said we need to talk about how to make this work so I am asking for what rules or even meal suggestions that you may have to give background

husband is gluten intolerant

eldest daughter has autism so that brings some texture difficulties and also foods touching ( however will eat most foods and tbh sepearting her portion apart is not an issue what is causing some conflict is he need to know in advance and also change of plans or brands/ingredients etc)

younger daughter doesn’t like pasta or fish or milk/creamy sauces

son is very picky but loves any red meat and broccoli!

stepdaughter is vegan

Stepson doesn’t like any form of potatoe (even chips!)

younger stepson is lactose intolerant

sorry that is so long but thanks I’m advance

If you can find some meals everyone will eat, perhaps alternate those with ones that only some like. Cook extra of the ones everyone eats, so those who don't like the following day's have the leftovers reheated.

For all the kids except eldest DD;

• Corn tacos with different filling that they can make themselves.
• homemade indian food like daal, chicken, veggie curry, rice.. make it mild if they’re likely to fuss
• Cold picnic buffet of veggies, fruits, cheese, cold meats, olives and rice salad
• make their own pizzas with vegan options

Rotate the above.

The eldest autistic daughter I would make separate meals if needed of whatever she likes to eat.

This. What a faff
Get the teens to cook once a week each and your dh a couple of times.
let them meal plan and order the ingredients online.
Otherwise I'd go as simple as possible

I second this idea. It'll be too difficult to find lots of meals that everyone can eat

If you cook meal A for those that want it, others get meal B

And the next day, some get meal C and the others get meal D

You could probably make a rota of various meal combinations that are compatible

Do the children cook? Some of them might be less fussy if it was inconveniencing them

No…I’d give up ! Allergies/Intolerances yes, you’d have to. Everyone else eats what’s put in front of them or gets their own. Big pan of home made veg soup always on the go and plenty of bread.

wow! but tbh getting 8 people to all want the same thing to eat would be difficult without all the extra conditions

my suggestions which can be altered to suit dietary requirements:
pizza
soup
salad
jacket potatoes
protein replacement currys / cottage pie / chilli

If they moan about repetition, remind them how many different needs are being catered to!

And get DH on board for at least half the week's meal planning / cooking - this shouldn't be 100% on you

I wouldn't pander to anyone but the autistic child. Everyone else would have to lump it or cook their own dinner. This is madness.

Shocked that it took a page and a half of posts to get to this. Why, in the 21st century are women still the default caterers without question? Yes she ‘enjoys’ cooking but this is ridiculous.

Leave home. Leave them all to it…

What @wallpoppy said

no fucking way would I —pander— cater to this lot.

i have a couple of mild intolerances and have a picky eater (DH) and a semi—vegetarian (ds. Don’t ask). The day he turned veggie was the day my kitchen became self service. I work FT and no longer have time or energy for anyone else’s shit.

I'd give up cooking and concentrate on just feeding them. So mainly picnic food... cold meats, bread, cheese, carrot or pepper sticks, salad, houmous etc. Then I'd cook something nicer 3-4 times a week and make something you fancy, not tailored to any of their dietary preferences (though I might take the allergies into account on rotation). Anyone who wants or who can eat what you cook can share it with you, anyone who doesn't can just pick at whatever is in the fridge. If the older ones get bored, they can cook for themselves. And your DH should definitely be sharing the load.

I wouldn't cook. Let them sort themselves out. DH to sort out his kids.

I think I'd be doing veg with meat (vegan alternative) most nights or large bowls of salad vegetables with crusty bread for non intolerant and boiled potatoes for gluten intolerant

I too don't like the texture of mouse- too many little bones! 🐀

Does your DH cook OP? Do the older children cook or help out? I agree- find some basics that cater for the actual allergies/intolerances and most can eat.

Fajitas/wraps/tacos- All set out and everyone makes their own- GF wraps for DH or corn tacos or lettuce leaves, rice, chicken or steak, peppers, refried beans, salsa, lettuce/tomato/onion/cheese

Pizzas made on wraps and the kids choose their toppings

My child with likes red lentil pasta which is gluten free but doesnt taste like normal gluten free pasta
Quorn bolognese is good gluten free. My dc has bolognese in one bowl and pasta in another

Em - steamed brocolli?

Toss the whole family away. Just joking or maybe not. I couldn't be doing this. Your dh should cook for himself and his kids. This is insanity.

OP said her eldest is underweight and won't eat.

I would keep it simple with a meat protein with a tofu sub and veg/salad. You could also do tacos with reg pita/gf pita pretty easily

I think I would also have abandoned cooking ever again in your shoes OP.

And I say this as someone with an autistic child, a picky eater DH and a vegetarian child. DH and autistic child generally eat the same and the vegetarian can usually have the same sides and veggies with some form of meat substitute. I do also tend to leave the evening meal to DH to cook due to my working hours and make myself something later.

They are all old enough to be involved in meal prep and cooking. Get them doing the work and freeze down batches so there are always spare meals for each person.

I agree.

I think I'd do at least couple of weeks of serving buffet style but simple: meat/fish, one bowl beans, one or two bowls veg, potatoes or rice. Bread on the side. There's plenty of variety there. Give you all some breathing space

Ok you can cook, you used to like cooking so that's not an issue, you are probably forgetting that you have a positive in all of this.

Get everyone to write down their favorite foods / meals.

Make a meal plan for the week with names next to it, everyone who is happy to eat that meal puts a tick.

Cook that meal anyone who doesn't want that day's meal makes their own. OK the 6 year old might need some help.

Rotate the kids through the kitchen too, so if it is 'vegan day' then 'vegan child' is helping cook it.

I'd also cook 6 portions of everything so you can freeze portions as an option for the person making their own.

Have things in the fridge / cupboard that make easy meals. Bread for toast, tins of beans / soup, ham, cheese, salad to make sandwiches.

thanks all for the recipes and ideas I am definitely going to use them and in regards to my husband cooking he works long hours but every night he does offer to cook but he is a terrible cook so when he follows a recipe etc it takes him about double the time it should plus normally it involves logs of questions ! So it works a lot easier if he does all the cleaning up and helps kids with homework or walks the dog etc while I cook it’s just what works for us. He does often just cook a gluten free microwave ready meal for himself when he knows the meal won’t be GF. Likewise he often helps by plating up and sepearting my eldest or being in charge of making the lactose free sauce/version etc