Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

My friend invited other people on holiday

123 replies

Sundaycoffee · 31/08/2022 10:23

I'm off on holiday with a friend I have known for a few years for a 5 night trip.
She has a family home abroad that she has invited me to, so I just had to book flights. I am an introvert and have been going through a bit lately with work and was really looking forward to getting away and recharging with just her.
She has just sprung it upon me a week before we leave that now her sister and her sisters boyfriend and their newborn baby will now also be joining us and "the baby is so perfect, you will love him and its going to be so much fun altogether!"
I feel like I have no say in the matter as I am staying in her accommodation but if I knew this had been the situation I probably wouldn't have agreed to the holiday and spent money on flights.
AIBU? Can I say anything or is this something I just need to suck up and say "oh how wonderful, I cant wait!"
I'm sure we will be doing stuff "just us" but it's just a total change of vibe of holiday that I wasn't expecting and it's making me feel a bit anxious.
The way I'm just told that it's happening rather than "is it ok if...?" has rubbed me up the wrong way.
Or am I being an ungrateful bitch who should just be appreciative of free holiday accommodation?

OP posts:

gamerchick · 31/08/2022 11:38

If you have your own room I'd probably go anyway and internally change some plans and go for walks and exploring.

But another part of my head is saying 'the fuck would I be going anywhere where there's a newborn for days. But tbh plans change when you have babies often, so might turn out ok.

Goosygandy · 31/08/2022 11:38

I'd rather change the holiday and book an Air bnb just for me. Five nights is not that long to have your own holiday if the airport is near a city/resort where there are restaurants and beaches.

HannahSternDefoe · 31/08/2022 11:38

Just cancel.
You could pretend you have covid (to her, not to your insurance comp)
Write it off as a holiday at home snatched from the jaws of a bad holiday abroad.

Longleggedgiraffe · 31/08/2022 11:39

Revolvingwhore · 31/08/2022 10:34

On another note, why do people take newborns on long journeys?

Why shouldn’t they? There’s no reason why parents should put their lives on hold as long as they don’t expect others to do the parenting for them.

JubileeTissues · 31/08/2022 11:39

"On another note, why do people take newborns on long journeys?"

Because they're not superglued to the Moses basket?

Ilovelurchers · 31/08/2022 11:42

I totally understand how you feel as I would feel the same. However I guess if it is her place she does have the right to invite them. It probably hasn't occurred to her you would mind - I have friends like this who just think, the more the merrier and it wouldn't occur to them that other people are shyer/find it less easy to be around people they don't know....

If she is a good friend and a nice person I would make up an excuse if you do decide to change your flights, rather than telling her the truth as you might inadvertently offend her.

Nothing wrong or odd about how you feel tho. It is just a tricky one all round!

Couchpotato3 · 31/08/2022 11:44

I feel your pain. I love seeing my friends, but I hate last minute changes of plan and unexpected additional guests. In my experience the sort of people who do this just don't understand that not everybody is delighted to see a crowd of new people. I'm grouchy enough to say "hell no" and pull out, but you're going to have to either suck it up, or not go and risk upsetting your friend. How will you feel if you go there and are stuck in a remote villa with the baby etc and no time for just you and your friend? Would you feel confident enough to leave them to it and go off on your own for the day, for instance?

rattlemehearties · 31/08/2022 11:47

I'm an extravert and I wouldn't be happy about this. Can you reply saying "sorry that doesn't work for me. Let's plan something just you and me another time" and cancel/rebook flights?

Lolojojonesi · 31/08/2022 11:49

Wow, all these replies seem so misanthropic and just plain ungrateful. If you're staying for free at a friend's home, you fit in with what they want to do, surely? Her sister and family may well be lovely. You can coo over the baby then give it back, it's not like you're babysitting for the week. I stayed at a friend's house this summer and, unbeknownst to us, his niece and her boyfriend were there. It was lovely.

girlmom21 · 31/08/2022 11:50

MzHz · 31/08/2022 10:31

You should be able to rebook flights, can’t you tell the airline that you have covid?

i wouldn’t want to go anywhere with someone’s newborn

You're seriously suggesting she lies to get a refund when the aviation industry is already struggling?

ninjafoodienovice · 31/08/2022 11:50

This sounds awful, I'm so sorry she's done this. I remember being very excited about becoming an aunty but there's no way I would have shoved it in a friends face when we are going away together. Definitely check your insurance and speak to her. Maybe ask how long are they staying and how she envisages you're all interacting. Is it eat together or can you go off and do stuff etc

Revolvingwhore · 31/08/2022 11:51

NewYorkLassie · 31/08/2022 11:22

Why have you assumed it’s a long journey? And why not? Getting on a flight for a couple of hours is a lot easier than a long car journey in the Uk.

Show quote history

I wouldn't have inflicted either of my newborns on a plane full of people.

Yamyam13 · 31/08/2022 11:52

YANBU
But, if I understand correctly, if it's your friend's family's villa, then it's also the sister's family villa and she wouldn't really be able to tell other members of the family they can't join in at the villa if there is enough room for everyone... so perhaps it was a case of her sister tagging along thinking 'oh great you're going then, we'll come too so we can spend time together (and we get some help with the baby)' and your friend couldn't exactly say no?
But it probably is mainly a case that your friend is just being thoughtless and is kne of the 'more the merrier YAY!' people. I have one of those friends. She's one of my closest friends and continues to do this, drives me mad! But in her eyes she feels happiest with as many friends and family around her as possible and has a bit of blind spot for when other's might not want that.
I would still go OP. It might not be what you had in mind, but these things are so often not as bad as we think they are going to be, and actually can end up being really lovely & positive.
You can easily spend you own time alone reading, walking etc.
Hopefully it's quite a big place if its in the middle of nowhere, so plenty of space for everyone to escape each other.

10HailMarys · 31/08/2022 11:54

Yeah, I wouldn't like this at all. I couldn't feel totally at ease in a villa with people I don't know, and if I'd been invited on a relaxed grown-ups' holiday I wouldn't be pleased if it suddenly became a family holiday with a newborn.

You're not being ungrateful at all - yes, it's her house, but you wouldn't have paid for flights to go on the trip if you'd known at the time that you were going to have to hang out with someone else's family, so she shouldn't have moved the goalposts at the last minute.

Pookymalooky · 31/08/2022 11:54

No I wouldn’t expect a friend to be lumped with a family members baby on their holiday unless pre discussed. Is it for the whole stay or just a couple of days? I would suck it up if just a few days but otherwise no, I’d rearrange my flights or get accommodation elsewhere and holiday on my own!!!

RedHelenB · 31/08/2022 11:55

MzHz · 31/08/2022 10:31

You should be able to rebook flights, can’t you tell the airline that you have covid?

i wouldn’t want to go anywhere with someone’s newborn

No she can't lie to the airline

GoAround · 31/08/2022 11:57

I’m so sorry she’s done this. It should be fairly obvious that an adult wouldn’t fancy going on holiday with an infant they don’t know! I’m really outgoing and this would still get a hard pass from me. I’d get a voucher for the flights if you can and 100% cancel going, and I’d be honest and say it’s because crashing her family holiday and small babies wasn’t what you had in mind for a chilled holiday, none of this faking covid nonsense, she’s been utter thoughtless and should be called out.

SunnyD44 · 31/08/2022 11:59

YANBU I would think that there has been crossed wires or something because it’s quite odd to invite family around when your friend is coming.

I think I would say something like - I’m so excited to meet your nephew and sister finally! The photos of him are so cute! Will they be there the whole time though as I was really looking forward to us having g some time to ourselves?

KyrieEleison · 31/08/2022 11:59

My friend did this - twice! And it actually turned out well - we met people we'd never have met usually and had a great time.. TBF none of them had babies though

SunnyD44 · 31/08/2022 12:00

Is it her house or the family’s house?

I wonder if sister and family just happen to be going there the same time and as friend knows you’ve already booked the flights is trying to make it into a positive thing.

Abraxan · 31/08/2022 12:00

Revolvingwhore · 31/08/2022 10:34

On another note, why do people take newborns on long journeys?

They're often far easier to travel with when small babies than when they are toddlers tbh.

We've always travelled longer journeys with dd, whether it be by car, train or planes. Never been an issue for us when she was a baby, toddler, child, teen or now as a young adult.

FictionalCharacter · 31/08/2022 12:00

I’d cancel. The party is now a couple, their newborn baby and the woman’s sister. You’re an extra to this family unit and it’s a completely different dynamic now. I wouldn’t want to go.

@Revolvingwhore I agree, having just come back from holiday, both 4 hour flights were horrendous because of a screaming baby and wailing toddlers. A baby doesn’t need a holiday abroad and won’t remember it. The parents don’t get a break from childcare unless it’s a big family group and people take it in turns. Surely holidays closer to home are better at this stage.

JauntyJinty · 31/08/2022 12:01

gamerchick · 31/08/2022 11:38

If you have your own room I'd probably go anyway and internally change some plans and go for walks and exploring.

But another part of my head is saying 'the fuck would I be going anywhere where there's a newborn for days. But tbh plans change when you have babies often, so might turn out ok.

This is what I was going to suggest - take a few good books and plan to spend quite a bit of time alone! I'm assuming you'll have room either to yourself or with just your friend so you should be able to slip off there quite a bit - or find somewhere nice to sit outside the villa

If questioned just say you didn't want to intrude on your sisters time with her family and are happy to chill on your own

10HailMarys · 31/08/2022 12:03

Lolojojonesi · 31/08/2022 11:49

But the OP (as you'd expect) had to pay for flights, and she did that on the basis that it was for a few days chilling out with a friend. If the friend had said from the start 'Come and stay with me, my sister, my BIL and their baby - you'd just have to pay for flights' the OP would have politely declined the offer on those grounds.

Meraas · 31/08/2022 12:03

Sounds like she is using you as a companion but her main aim is to spend time with the baby.

Make sure you don't get roped into cooking meals or cleaning to enable them all to spend time with the baby. Take turns only if they are being fair.

And make sure you're not paying for food for everyone.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread