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Original poster

To think the friend I lent money too shouldn’t be angry at me

94 replies

Nomoremonies · 31/08/2022 09:00

A few months ago a friend I know was struggling financially asked to borrow money. I have lent her money previously and she’s always paid it back. I lent her money and she assured me I would get it back two weeks later.

Within those two weeks she asked to borrow a bit more which I was happy to do, I’m a single mum and I know what it’s like. I know you should never lend money if you’re not happy to never get it back.

When she was due to pay me back she told me she never got paid correctly from her benefits, she then kept changing the dates she would be able to pay me back. The last time I asked for the money back she ignored my texts, when I called her she told me she was really struggling with her mental health so I felt I couldn’t push. Again she told me a date she would pay, I asked her for it repeatedly I was ignored

She then told me she could pay me SOME cash and will drop it off the weekend. I said that would be fine. I text her to ask what time no reply, I called no answer. The next morning I sent a series of texts just saying I don’t know why you’re ignoring me, then I sent a final text saying I’ve always helped her I would like the full amount back because I’ve been understanding and I’ve been ignored.

She then replied back swearing saying I’m annoying her, a long message with her dramas in life, she said she has to sort her kids out first, she doesn’t enjoy owing me money but I’ve got no understanding. She owes me £100, I know that’s a lot of money to magic up. I never replied because I just thought I would rather it cost me £100 to see how horrible she is. Do I just let it go? She’s now given me a date in about 3 weeks when she will be able to pay

OP posts:
SavoirFlair · 31/08/2022 09:03

You’re not being unreasonable. She’s clearly spent money up to the limit of what she owes you. And not factoring in the repayment.

I’d prepare for a world where you never see her, or the money, again.

Twilightimmortal · 31/08/2022 09:06

I had a friend borrow 100 pounds and then changed the dates too. The reason why she couldn't pay after a week changed. Even when I had whatsapp messages to back it up.

Quick to borrow, slow to pay.

Goosygandy · 31/08/2022 09:06

You might not get it back but if you do never lend her money again. She's one of those that seems to think you're the one being unreasonable and she's doing you a favour by even thinking about paying you back. Massive sense of entitlement.

stormywhethers321 · 31/08/2022 09:07

YANBU. but this is pretty typical. People who owe money feel guilty about it. Guilt feels bad. Ergo, you "make" them feel bad and they get angry about it.

When I was much younger, I lent a larger sum to a friend. After two missed repayment dates, I sent her a message saying that I really did need it on the agreed upon date. Cue a long saga how she was stuck in the middle of nowhere and there was no taxis and she was preparing to sleep on a roundabout. I said she could sleep wherever she wanted, but since her mobile was clearly working she needed to send me the money first. This prompted her to hint that she was going to harm herself, and then to not respond for the rest of the night.

I learned from this to absolute never lend money I'm not prepared to do without, and also to never lend money to someone if I genuinely value the relationship. As I result, I just don't lend money anymore.

Nekomata · 31/08/2022 09:07

She's clearly broke and struggling, so to keep hassling her for the hundred pounds is probably just piling on the pressure. If she doesn't have it, she doesn't have it.

Just organise a repayment plan with her, so she transfers you 10 pounds or 5 pounds or something every time she gets her benefits through.

InsertPunHere · 31/08/2022 09:09

Never lend money you’re not prepared to wave goodbye to. It’s never worth it.

readingismycardio · 31/08/2022 09:10

This is exactly why I never borrow or lend money to anyone.

readingismycardio · 31/08/2022 09:10

Borrow from or lend to, sorry Blush

GoneWithTheWine1 · 31/08/2022 09:11

I would cut your losses and cut her out of your life.

Lots of people have mental health issues doesn't mean they have the right to be nasty when asked to repay back money they borrowed. Quick to borrow, forever to pay back.

Letitmow · 31/08/2022 09:11

Its up to you, you could say can you just pay me a fiver a week or whatever or just be prepared to not see her or the money again. Sadly as you say is true, should never lend money you're not prepared to see again.

LadyKenya · 31/08/2022 09:13

She is obviously having difficulties with money, owing to the fact that she asked to borrow even more money during that period. That should have been a warning signal to you.

Original poster
Nomoremonies · 31/08/2022 09:13

The thing is I’ve been understanding. I completely understand what it’s like, I’ve been there trying to just get through the weeks and make sure my kids are fed. It’s been 3 months, in that time she’s been out for meals etc, paid for her expensive car. And I haven’t said anything because I don’t know who else is helping her

OP posts:
Sswhinesthebest · 31/08/2022 09:16

I’d be nice to her to get your money back then drop her. Will probably need to do it over several months,
If you can afford it, write it off and drop her quicker.

Hoppinggreen · 31/08/2022 09:17

She’s attacking as a defence.
In your shoes I would write off the money and the friendship

Longdistance · 31/08/2022 09:17

Once she gives you it back (if she does), never lend to her again. She’s no friend and has treated you with contempt.

RudsyFarmer · 31/08/2022 09:20

Best way to get rid of someone coming out your life is to lend them money. £100 sounds quite cheap to get rid of her and with any luck she’ll never be round again asking for more.

Original poster
Nomoremonies · 31/08/2022 09:20

I think my plan is to be nice, get the money back and then drop her like people say. I don’t understand some people, why attack someone who has helped you?

I could write it off but that extra £100 is money I could use towards Christmas or a day out for the kids

OP posts:
RiftGibbon · 31/08/2022 09:22

InsertPunHere · 31/08/2022 09:09

Never lend money you’re not prepared to wave goodbye to. It’s never worth it.

Sadly, this.

She may be struggling but you are not in a position to be out of pocket.

You could try suggesting the repayment plan idea as outlined by a PP, but realistically, I suspect you won't see the money or your 'friend'.

rookiemere · 31/08/2022 09:22

Nomoremonies · 31/08/2022 09:20

I think my plan is to be nice, get the money back and then drop her like people say. I don’t understand some people, why attack someone who has helped you?

I could write it off but that extra £100 is money I could use towards Christmas or a day out for the kids

Yeah that's what I'd do.
I'd certainly not be prepared to write off the money without putting a lot of effort into getting it back - and it sounds like I'm in a better financial position than yourself.

Original poster
Nomoremonies · 31/08/2022 09:29

I’m not desperate for the money, right now I’m lucky to have a good job. I’ve got savings, I’ve got some disposable income. That’s why my guilt kind of kicks in when asking her for the money, having been in that position before I’m very weary of wasting money.

I’m more disappointed that I thought she was a friend, I would never treat a friend like this

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 31/08/2022 09:32

I'd write the money and the friendship off. If she'd have been honest and said she was really going to struggle to pay it back you may well have told her not to worry about it. Lying and getting angry helps nobody.

Crumpleton · 31/08/2022 09:37

Sadly I think you've seen the last of your £100...or at least will have to keep fighting for it.
Either way you have a decision on how you're friendship will be in the future and I'd choose to never lend her money again.

If she has the front to ask be honest and tell her that you feel it won't help her mental health if she keeps getting stressed at having to worry how she is going to pay you back.

chillipenguin · 31/08/2022 09:40

Nomoremonies · 31/08/2022 09:13

The thing is I’ve been understanding. I completely understand what it’s like, I’ve been there trying to just get through the weeks and make sure my kids are fed. It’s been 3 months, in that time she’s been out for meals etc, paid for her expensive car. And I haven’t said anything because I don’t know who else is helping her

Ask that she makes paying you back a priority as you're struggling

rookiemere · 31/08/2022 09:44

£100 is a £100. The friendship is over anyway as she has used you. Don't feel guilty about trying to get your own money back.

MotherOfWhippets · 31/08/2022 09:46

I'm not saying she isn't wrong and that she should pay you back and when agreed but maybe she simply can't.

You've said yourself you don't need the money at the moment- how many times are you asking her? It must be absolutely horrible knowing someone has this power over her and she's probably getting arsey because she's embarrassed.

I always get the feeling the people who start these threads are a bit 'look how better I am I lent the poor person some money'.

Never a lender or borrower be.

Depends how much she means to you if you want to lose the friendship over it.