To think the friend I lent money too shouldn’t be angry at me

[Nomoremonies]

A few months ago a friend I know was struggling financially asked to borrow money. I have lent her money previously and she’s always paid it back. I lent her money and she assured me I would get it back two weeks later.

Within those two weeks she asked to borrow a bit more which I was happy to do, I’m a single mum and I know what it’s like. I know you should never lend money if you’re not happy to never get it back.

When she was due to pay me back she told me she never got paid correctly from her benefits, she then kept changing the dates she would be able to pay me back. The last time I asked for the money back she ignored my texts, when I called her she told me she was really struggling with her mental health so I felt I couldn’t push. Again she told me a date she would pay, I asked her for it repeatedly I was ignored

She then told me she could pay me SOME cash and will drop it off the weekend. I said that would be fine. I text her to ask what time no reply, I called no answer. The next morning I sent a series of texts just saying I don’t know why you’re ignoring me, then I sent a final text saying I’ve always helped her I would like the full amount back because I’ve been understanding and I’ve been ignored.

She then replied back swearing saying I’m annoying her, a long message with her dramas in life, she said she has to sort her kids out first, she doesn’t enjoy owing me money but I’ve got no understanding. She owes me £100, I know that’s a lot of money to magic up. I never replied because I just thought I would rather it cost me £100 to see how horrible she is. Do I just let it go? She’s now given me a date in about 3 weeks when she will be able to pay

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

Even if she can’t afford to give you the £100 if she can afford to be going out for meals etc she could have given you £10/£20 each month and at least made a start at paying it back to you.

To be fair none of us know who's paying for those meals

Don’t be such a wet lettuce!
She’s the piss.
I don’t even understand your OP asking if you should let it go. Course you shouldn’t! You should perhaps let go of the idea that you’ll ever see the money again… but that doesn’t mean letting go of chasing her for it!

I think it's cost you £100 to find out that she's not to be trusted. Often people that need to borrow money aren't in a position to easily pay it back, which makes sense when you think about it, but you're clearly a kind person and wanted to do the right thing,

If you feel it's worth your energy try and chase her down for it but be prepared to accept that you may never see it so don't drive yourself mad trying. You've lost her as a mate now anyway so there's no need to try and salvage the relationship.

She's a piss taking scruffy rat.

No way would I let the money go. Mainly out of principle.

Within those two weeks she asked to borrow a bit more which I was happy to do

I think this is the point where alarm bells start ringing. She got as much out of you as she could before ghosting you in favour of not repaying you.

In other words let thieves get away with it! Hopefully she'll never be able to con money out of her friends again, whatever pathetic excuses like this post are trotted out. Let her learn to manage, odd how people with the same income, circumstances manage in diffferent ways.

If she’d paid you a fiver a week she’d have paid over half of the debt off by now.
I had a neighbour like her, she borrow a tenner on a Monday, pay it back on Friday ten ask to borrow it back on the following Monday. I finally said no and she never spoke to me again.

It's beyond shocking that's she's been out for meals while owing you money. Shows exactly where her priorities are.

I think you're both being unreasonable. It seems like you've been sending lots of messages, by your own admission. Yes she should have paid you back, but sounds like she's struggling and you're perhaps not, or not as much by your own admission, so you're making it into a really big thing. She is of course UR, but your fight to get the money back sounds OTT also with constant messages, just one a week would do

Ugh I know a character like this. It’s not worth engaging with these people- there’s always a drama and they’re always a victim. Just accept the loss and get better friends.

You will not get it back
Ignore her from now
Her problems are not your problems

I have a friend who earns well but is terrible with money, I have lent her a lot of cash in the past but never again. I’m not her personal infinite no interest lending bank 🤷🏻‍♀️

She's clearly not as hard up as she'd have you believe if she's having meals out etc. Stop feeling sorry for her, look where that's got you so far.
If you want it back you will have to keep the pressure on, harsh as that may sound. I know someone who would employ the tactics she has then when the person they owed backed off would justify not paying them back with 'well if they wanted it they would ask'.

The other option is to cut your losses, and her out of your life.

I had a friend like this.

She actually borrowed something of mine, then sold it a week later and kept the money claiming she was to poor to pay me back claiming poverty and her kids would suffer
Yet posted on Snapchat clearly forgetting I'm on there of her having takeaways every single day for that week.
She still tries to talk to me even after not paying me back but I just keep it civil and disengage.

And this is the point isn't it?

You meant her the money. She owes you communication if she can't pay it back at the very least.

But I would be annoyed if I learnt money and then someone said they couldn't afford repayment but went out for a meal.

Even if a family meal for birthday or something and she doesn't want to admit to family she's struggling she should and could have text or better still - rung you - and spoken to you about it.

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend“

This ^ as another poster quoted above.

I learned the hard, stupid way. Supposed friend told me she was so hard up, she couldn’t even afford to have a shower. I gave her the money to pay her outstanding bills, she promised to do me a favour in return. Result; the favour was never returned; when I brought it up I was told how awful her life was and that it was so bad, she couldn’t even tell me the details. Later, when I said I was disappointed, she lashed out telling me the money would be paid back, “every penny”, etc. It never was. Meanwhile, she and her cocklodger bought themselves an expensive leather sofa.

I take full responsibility for my utter stupidity. The friend became an ex friend and she then badmouthed me for being ‘crazy’.

I wouldn't let it go.

I'd expect the money back even through a weekly payment plan.

As you're also a single parent I'm sure £100 loss is a lot of money to you.

She is playing you. I get irrationally annoyed at people who take another person's kindness for weakness.

Kind people are rare now due to C.F behaviour.

Text her to say you'll accept £25 per week, don't go softly offering a £10 per week repayment.

Remind her Christmas is around the corner so best she starts paying now.

This reminds me of the friend I once lent some money to to get her out of a hole. Never got it back as she said she needed the money more than I do. Things were never the same between us thereafter. It was sad as we'd been friends since school, so over 20 years, and I thought she was one of my best friends. Apparently not.

Funny thing is, she was always pleading poverty but managed to buy a £300 television and have a £200 haircut and colour.