To think the friend I lent money too shouldn’t be angry at me

[Nomoremonies]

A few months ago a friend I know was struggling financially asked to borrow money. I have lent her money previously and she’s always paid it back. I lent her money and she assured me I would get it back two weeks later.

Within those two weeks she asked to borrow a bit more which I was happy to do, I’m a single mum and I know what it’s like. I know you should never lend money if you’re not happy to never get it back.

When she was due to pay me back she told me she never got paid correctly from her benefits, she then kept changing the dates she would be able to pay me back. The last time I asked for the money back she ignored my texts, when I called her she told me she was really struggling with her mental health so I felt I couldn’t push. Again she told me a date she would pay, I asked her for it repeatedly I was ignored

She then told me she could pay me SOME cash and will drop it off the weekend. I said that would be fine. I text her to ask what time no reply, I called no answer. The next morning I sent a series of texts just saying I don’t know why you’re ignoring me, then I sent a final text saying I’ve always helped her I would like the full amount back because I’ve been understanding and I’ve been ignored.

She then replied back swearing saying I’m annoying her, a long message with her dramas in life, she said she has to sort her kids out first, she doesn’t enjoy owing me money but I’ve got no understanding. She owes me £100, I know that’s a lot of money to magic up. I never replied because I just thought I would rather it cost me £100 to see how horrible she is. Do I just let it go? She’s now given me a date in about 3 weeks when she will be able to pay

Bet you are not the only one. Be prepared to join a queue of whoever shouts loudest gets paid first. Assume you have nothing in writing?

This

I learnt my lesson many years ago. I leant my bf of time about 50% of my months salary I had in savings. I was about 2 years into my first ever job.
We’d agreed a date for paying back.

we then split up. He missed repayment date. I wasn’t freaked out as I did think I trusted him and he gave me a good reason

but then I found out he’d booked a package holiday abroad with new girlfriend.

I phoned him saying he needed to pay me within week as clearly he had money now if he could afford a holiday - given I couldn’t afford a holiday

he sent me a verse terse reply saying it was none of my business what he did with his money. I relied saying but it’s my money and is my business. He accused me of all sorts of things - albeit politely…I was more concerned about my money than people, I was unreasonable to change the goalposts on an agreement ( even though he’d delayed on our original a payback date), I was mean, I was jealous he was on hols with his new girlfriend , he was entitled to a holiday as he hadn’t had one in last 9 months

it took another 3 months before I got it all back…I as criticised every time I asked him for payments

never ever again. I figure someone who can ask or accept to borrow money from friends has no real compunction to earn money they have ahead or save for rainy days. I know people get into serious debt due to redundancy etc, but friends usually can’t afford to bail out each other with that. typically frind lending is tiding people over cos they don’t save or manage their money properly and never a good idea to lend to people who don’t manage their own money properly

I absolutely don’t feel like I’m above her for lending the money. Like I said I’ve been there I know what it’s like, I also know when someone is taking the piss. I even told her when she was swearing and getting annoyed that all it takes is a message to let me know you’re struggling.

It’s also not fair that you owe me money but you’re out going for meals etc

Call her out on fb. She has ruined the friendship so nowt to lose..
Ask her publically when she can pay you back. Point out she had money to eat out etc.
I hate Cfers who sponge.

How about asking for £20 first and then seeing if she will do more later. If she has been out for meals then it's very obnoxious of her not to pay it back.

Honestly? she’s a complete piss-taker and has no respect for you. Let her go, she’s acting entitled and is no friend to you. You will do so much better without her. Cut your losses with the money, I have been in your position and was glad to be rid of her.

Oh and if she is in England and on benefits she may have got money twice last week due to bank holiday Monday.

I lent my friend some money twice and I would never lend anyone again after that. It never goes well. I bought her food too and she gave that away. Someone else's desperate and my desperate aren't the same so that adds to the resentment. I have four kids to feed and don't work as I'm a carer for my disabled son. My friend was taking her boyfriend out to the theatre and dinner but too broke to pay me back. The reality was that I was a lower priority that treating her boyfriend to days out.

Try to arrange a repayment plan and learn from it. Luckily my friend hasn't asked again but if she does ay shes short I will say "I know, I'm so short of cash too" just get a prepaired reply in next time. Unless your happy to loose the money

If she feels horrible it's her own fault.

Does sound like it’s excuse after excuse after excuse. Keep the contact but see this as a lesson and don’t lend again

She was wrong to ignore you but it sounds like you were on her back quite a bit, possibily more than is reasonable. Maybe that wasn't the case and it just comes across that way in writing.

Anyway, I hope you learned the obvious lesson about lending friends money.

tbh, OP, i would write to her every time you see she was out for a meal and say "oh you could have sent me 20 quid instead, right?" if you feel that you can a) afford not to get the money back and b) don't care about the friendship

or just write weekly and try to arrange a repayment plan of a fiver a week or something. Then drop her like a hot potato.

Been there. Ruined a friendship. The borrower in my case felt quite entitled as she considered I was comfortably off (single mum who had just sold family home due to divorce so yes I had cash but also had to buy a new home).

Took a year to get it back and it was several hundred. During this time she was happily posting updates of holidays, trips out, meals etc. I'm not saying she was flush but clearly paying me back was not a priority, in fact it took 10 months before it was mentioned , after I raised it. I was furious and would never consider it again

Maybe I was a bit too on her case, I hate being ignored and I felt like I had been taken for an idiot. She said she never replied to me all those times because she didn’t have the money to give. I wasn’t rude I just messaged to say hi, or hey can you send that money.

I feel bad that she feels harassed and I guess I didn’t think about how she was feeling but it’s been 3 months

it's on her to answer the first message with "sorry i don't have it right now" and not just ignore you.
Tell her that the missing hundred pounds is affecting your MH and you want it back.

This chap had it is right:

Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend

I could suck up the loss if the person was honest and contrite and genuinely tried to find a way to pay me back (even offering a fiver a week)

Your "friends" reaction tells me she doesn't give a shit, so I'd want it back now on principle.

Sadly I think your best bet is to write the money off and block your friend.

If/when you ever get the money back, just silent promise yourself you'll never lend her another penny.

If she asks in the future, it's a shrug and "sorry, I don't have it spare." She'll know you're BS'ing, but what's she going to do about it? Nothing. She'll know why you've denied her.

Give her a reasonable date you want the money in full back by. It's then up to her to put the money to one side until she can pay you back in full.

I'd leave her an aside not to say that you don't want to fall out about it but that £100 is also a lot of money to you that you can ill afford. If she can't be decent about it then I'm afraid you may have to cut your losses and lose the money and the friendship. Money and friendship doesn't mix well.

I also don't think that she's being deliberately rude, she may just genuinely be struggling with various factors and is having a tough time articulating it.

As other posters have said, be prepared to lose the friendship and the money. Even if you do get the money back it won't be the same.

You were very kind to lend her money when she needed it, I hope you get it back! Send her a message saying you know she's struggling and you're happy to implement a repayment plan?

I think people who ask to borrow money to meet their regular outgoings are never going to pay it back. They may well borrow with the intention of paying back, but unless they're due a windfall or the loan is to bridge an error when they were underpaid by mistake and will be repaid next month, how can they? If they don't have enough this month and aren't willing or able to cut back they'll always be struggling to find the money.

Borrowing from friends for regular outgoings is always going to ruin friendships because it's so unlikely that the borrower will find the money to repay.

Your OP is full of contradictions. You say you know you shouldn't lend money if you're not prepared to lose it and you say she's told you her MH is poor so you don't want to push it...and then you describe repeatedly asking her, texting her about the money, 'pushing it'.

She'll give it to you when she has it or she won't. I'd stop hassling her now. She knows she owes you. And as you said yourself you shouldn't give it if you're not prepared to lose it.

She'll give it to you when she has it or she won't. I'd stop hassling her now. She knows she owes you.

hey, friend, just give OP the money back.

This is the same as the tickets thread. If you are borrowing money from a friend, you should pay it back before you swan off having meals out.

Never lend money you can’t afford to lose.

Horrifying how many people turn nasty when they over borrow!! My mum lent her friend £200 back in 1986. We didn’t have a lot of money, so it was a huge sum. The friend told her husband that my mum had given it as a gift!! The whole friendship blew up. What a arsehole.