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AIBU?

Lighthearted !! Just done the best fart ever

134 replies

oldstudentmum · 30/08/2022 20:07

As the title says my youngest has been spraying air freshener and gagged. I’m so proud (and laughing). I am sat on my own in kitchen now .

My eldest 25 has just come into the kitchen complaining about the air fryer not being cleaned. Omg it smells like the drains. What the fuck did I eat the tinned ham could not have produced this .

25 yr old is looking at me with a look of I know it’s you and got his 8 yr old brother out to ask him something!! 8yr old knows about my excessive flatulent arse had smelled it earlier and has decamped to front room., refusing to come into kitchen he still has air freshener in his hand.

just gone to loo checked underwear fine , sprayed everywhere with Marc Jacob as the smell was clinging. It was so hot when I farted I thought I may have singed my minge this is the worse. Thank god I’m single or perhaps this is the reason I’m single ?

Anyway it seems to be calming down I’m sharing it on mumsnet as I’m really proud and don’t want to share anywhere else like Facebook as my friends and family will think I’m disgusting and may share it. But here my arse is anonymous and no one I know can judge me!!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

270 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
44%
You are NOT being unreasonable
56%
Swingoutsistersledge2 · 30/08/2022 22:44

Eee this threads has got me in fits of laughter..proper cheered me up . Thank you x

ilovebeigefood · 30/08/2022 22:54

Singed my minge 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

That cracked me up

ilovebeigefood · 30/08/2022 22:57

My husband does the most impressive farts in the mornings. He can also fart on demand.

They sound like a flock of pigeons taking off.

ilovebeigefood · 30/08/2022 23:00

Curlygirl06 · 30/08/2022 21:35

We base ours on whether it was as bad as "the caravan fart."
We were on holiday and dh went to the loo in the night. I got up for a wee and the smell of his fart nearly knocked me over, hence why it's now the benchmark for all farts.

I love a good benchmark fart

This thread is the best

So far:
Singed minge
Lip rippled
Benchmark fart

I hope this makes the classics. Or at least some of the analogy used.

Georgeskitchen · 30/08/2022 23:08

Howling with laughter here 🤣🤣

TinyLittleBug · 30/08/2022 23:13

I’ve developed a dairy intolerance and, to be frank, the farts I was producing before I understood what was causing my stomach issues, were the worst farts I have ever smelt in my life. In a very bizarre way, I was almost proud that I could create something so foul.

ManateeFair · 30/08/2022 23:15

VladmirsPoutine · 30/08/2022 20:20

I don't know I find this kind of thing just very disgusting. It might make me po-faced but being so proud of something so disgusting enough to sicken your family is just gross.

Why read the thread, then? It’s pretty clear from the title what it was going to be about.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 30/08/2022 23:20

My most heroic ones followed a severe intestinal blockage that I was hospitalised for. Jesus wept, they were agony: each one went on for longer than the average symphony, felt like they contained broken glass, and smelled like a mortuary after a powercut 🤢🤢

Oh, and solidarity to the PP who mentioned the deathly Huel farts! 😅😅

HelpMeGetThrough · 30/08/2022 23:20

After 5 hours driving to the office this morning without a break, I ripped out an impressive one when I pulled into the car park.

That bugger had 7 hours to ferment in a hot car. Glad nobody wanted a lift to the station this evening!!! 💨

MoistBandana · 30/08/2022 23:21

When I was a wee thing.. many many many years ago..
I'd had a few drinks, bit stronger than shandy.

We were having a light your fart competition.
Everyone else lit theirs through their clothes.
Me being me.. I had to go one better.

Now I don't want to go into graphic detail, but, for a while there after my nickname was Singey Mingey....

Many many many cold towelettes were.used that evening..

demogorgan · 30/08/2022 23:32

Did you snap and farted though?

RosalindsAFuckingNightmare · 30/08/2022 23:53

Oh I do love a good fart thread. There was one early on in my MN days that had me crying with laughter on the bus home. The baby monitor and the cat butt bite are priceless.
DP and me are still in our honeymoon period where we don't fart in front of each other. We were having an afternoon nap on the sofa this weekend when he farted and woke us both up. I said "was that you?" in complete shock because I was so surprised that he actually farts and fully expecting it to have been the dog. He was mortified! I think he'd probably dump me if he knew that me and my ex used to have farting competitions.

Twistedcarfarter · 31/08/2022 00:00

My most memorable fart was let off in the car, just as I arrived at work. It was a cold day but the gas was hot and putrid. I turned into the car park, only to find the entrance partially blocked by a wagon. A colleague was helpfully directing incoming traffic and I had no choice but to open the window.
It was magnificent but I couldn’t make eye contact.

Cakeandcoffee93 · 31/08/2022 00:04

farting is the best hobby ever. I’ve always been a farter since I was a baby apparently I’d let rip on the bus and people would gawp at my mum and not believe it was the baby in the pram loooool my dd has inherited my arse. Think it’s worse with veg and dairy. But I do love the noises ahahahahahahha I think as you get older it’s funnier as you don’t care the same!

Cakeandcoffee93 · 31/08/2022 00:07

Oh God I have the best fart story ever! Morning after my best mates 21st- we were locked out or the hotel room after breakfast. After having chilli shots the night before I let rip a hot rotten egg fart- my friend flew into the opened door- slipped on her own vomit and projectiled all over the bathroom.
it was legendary.
i will tell this story to my great grandchildren as I’m sure she will ahahahaha

RichardsGear · 31/08/2022 00:21

We still fondly recall the Christmas when I cooked way too many sprouts, and ate about 30 because I didn't want to waste them. We then played board games and I spent the evening levitating over the dining room chair on a noxious (and loud) cloud of gas while the entire family switched between laughing hysterically and retching.

CircleMessage · 31/08/2022 00:42

signandsingcarols · 30/08/2022 22:17

I am crying with laughter and my DP is cross because 'he is trying to watch a programme' and I am sniggering hysterically. I have to say the phrase a 'minge singe-er' has now entered my vocabulary

I've just woken my husband up by laughing at "singed my minge" hahahah!!

He's raging!! Then he let one rip! 🤣🤣

I'm sat here laughing like mutely!!

CircleMessage · 31/08/2022 00:49

Cakeandcoffee93 · 31/08/2022 00:04

farting is the best hobby ever. I’ve always been a farter since I was a baby apparently I’d let rip on the bus and people would gawp at my mum and not believe it was the baby in the pram loooool my dd has inherited my arse. Think it’s worse with veg and dairy. But I do love the noises ahahahahahahha I think as you get older it’s funnier as you don’t care the same!

The farts from my 7 month old are something else! I asked the HV if it was normal for babies to be that gassy! Even as a teeny tiny premature wee thing, the farts....!! The best one was an almighty fart which instantly followed with a major nappy explosion! (It was DH's turn to change the nappy)

Most mornings, all I can hear on the baby monitor are almighty farts! Defo takes after mummy hehe!!

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 31/08/2022 01:10

@Killergigglebunnies so altitude induced farts ARE a thing then! Glad it’s not just me ….

Leafy3 · 31/08/2022 01:17

Whyyyy is this so funny??😂

Ophanim · 31/08/2022 01:52

Years ago me, DH and the kids were in a lift close to the top of a very tall (60+ floors) building. When the doors closed and the lift started its descent DH let out a massive fart then said “DING!!!” just like the noise a lift makes when it stops at a floor and opens the doors. We sniggered and then about 2 seconds later the lift went “ DING !!!”, the lift stopped, the doors opened and someone got in. We had an excruciating journey trying not to inhale our own lungs on the way down.

Marvellousmadness · 31/08/2022 01:57

Gross op. Grow up

wellobviouslyyoucan · 31/08/2022 03:01

VladmirsPoutine · 30/08/2022 20:20

I don't know I find this kind of thing just very disgusting. It might make me po-faced but being so proud of something so disgusting enough to sicken your family is just gross.

This!

Classy, not!

WiddlinDiddlin · 31/08/2022 04:49

Farts are hilarious, anyone who doesn't at least have an inward giggle at a fart noise is broken, joyless and should be fed on beans and Huel for a week.

Seriously - you do you eh but I'll extract as much humour out of life as I possibly can whilst I have it to live. If you want to be disgusted and offended, fine by me.

You can't stop me farting.

OH and I are big fans of the Stealth Stench Drop - join a group of people in a supermarket or shop or some confined space - drop and leave without making it obvious, then lurk at a safe distance and see who notices..

I get away with this a lot in a manual wheelchair as im lower to the ground so may haven't noticed me behind them anyway, I can get away fast and silently too (downside is if OH gets there first, his arse is usually at around my head height so I suffer!)...

The other classic is the Inescapable Fart but you have to be able to tolerate your own stink AND not giggle which I am atrocious at these days but was great as a kid.

Lifts, train carriages... these are good.

I think the absolute gold standard though was dropping one in a small 'egg' style ski-lift that had a pretty long and very high route...

Rammed full of skiers, fairly hot and sweaty, windows don't open - 8 year old me dropped a rancid 'last nights spicy garlicky sausage stew' silent but deadly... I wondered if I had 3rd degree bum burns.

People went green. Eyes watered. Expletives were uttered in a variety of languages.

I am pretty certain a few contemplated jumping out. I am absolutely certain if I'd been identified as the culprit, I'd have been lobbed out.

My parents had many MANY faults as I have mentioned in the past, however farts were as funny to them as to me and so they knew.. and kept silent til we were out of the egg, away from the lift and skis back on.. then..

'That was you wasn't it?.........well done!'

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 31/08/2022 04:51

It’s a poor arse that can’t rejoice op!

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