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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lighthearted !! Just done the best fart ever

134 replies

oldstudentmum · 30/08/2022 20:07

As the title says my youngest has been spraying air freshener and gagged. I’m so proud (and laughing). I am sat on my own in kitchen now .

My eldest 25 has just come into the kitchen complaining about the air fryer not being cleaned. Omg it smells like the drains. What the fuck did I eat the tinned ham could not have produced this .

25 yr old is looking at me with a look of I know it’s you and got his 8 yr old brother out to ask him something!! 8yr old knows about my excessive flatulent arse had smelled it earlier and has decamped to front room., refusing to come into kitchen he still has air freshener in his hand.

just gone to loo checked underwear fine , sprayed everywhere with Marc Jacob as the smell was clinging. It was so hot when I farted I thought I may have singed my minge this is the worse. Thank god I’m single or perhaps this is the reason I’m single ?

Anyway it seems to be calming down I’m sharing it on mumsnet as I’m really proud and don’t want to share anywhere else like Facebook as my friends and family will think I’m disgusting and may share it. But here my arse is anonymous and no one I know can judge me!!

OP posts:
Greenginghamdress · 30/08/2022 20:50

🤣🤣🤣 Well done!

I fart way more than most women, convinced of it. It's a curse most of the time, but I love being able to fart freely at home. Let it rip.

Wouldcouldcantwont · 30/08/2022 20:55

On a new diet and dear Lord the wind!!!
My dad found farts hilarious and when his dementia got worse would fart with relish and then Mutley laugh like a little schoolboy. He died a few months ago and now when I fart (which is very often) I hear his laugh. Got another 8 weeks on this diet!

Original poster
oldstudentmum · 30/08/2022 20:58

Ah thank god I’m not alone and farty. No one in real life would admit it it , but anonymously we can.
Toot it loud , toot it proud. Blame it on the dog/cat or small child !

OP posts:
Original poster
oldstudentmum · 30/08/2022 21:06

To be fair I have IBS, but gotta laugh at adversity. Or cry because your eyes are stinging from the smell.

OP posts:
GingerAndLemonn · 30/08/2022 21:14

My husbands farts are so loud that they travel up two stories of stairs and then back down through the baby monitor and it just cracks me up every time as we get a double fart.

nzborn · 30/08/2022 21:16

Use it or lose it.

Georgeskitchen · 30/08/2022 21:19

As the proud owner of several sons I have spent many years living in Fart City 🤣 now all adults, said sons still find farting hilarious, the louder and the more confined public space, the better 🤣

Curlygirl06 · 30/08/2022 21:35

We base ours on whether it was as bad as "the caravan fart."
We were on holiday and dh went to the loo in the night. I got up for a wee and the smell of his fart nearly knocked me over, hence why it's now the benchmark for all farts.

Ziggyisthebestdogintheworld · 30/08/2022 21:40

I was at the stage where I refused to fart in front of dp (I do kiss those days) when we where sat watching tv-me,him,my dd,her boyfriend and the dog
i let one go-deep into the sofa-and fuck me,it stank-of raw meat and biscuits
massive sorry to the poor dog who got the blame

i suffer from period farts at least three times a year-I was laid in bed,feeling very sorry for myself and blowing off when my dp walked in
the smell was that evil,he spent the rest of the evening in the garden and refused to come near me for the next 48 hours in case they came back

one evening I ate a tesco ready meal curry
the next day i couldn’t stop farting-it was every few minutes and STANK of shitty curry
i work in fast food-in the dining area-and we had well over 200 complaints about the smell of curry
we don’t sell curry-we sell burgers
this was over 4 years ago and my boss still brings it up-he blames the drains…

I love a good fart…

Killergigglebunnies · 30/08/2022 21:51

I used to fly for a living. If I’d been rostered lots of flights over three days, I’d get home knackered, lie on my bed and let rip 💨
Best. Feeling. Ever!
Hmm, I wonder why I was single for so long?!

bloodywhitecat · 30/08/2022 21:57

I did that the other day, just me and the toddler were there to hear it. I immediately said "Whoops, sorry sweetheart" and he looked at me and said "Whitecat, Thbbft" repeatedly.

AtSomePointInLife · 30/08/2022 22:00

DH and I went shopping in sainsbury's I was in the freezer aisle and he was just pottering around. I saw him come up next to me let a stinker out and walk off leaving me with the stench and people looking at me.

been and done it. · 30/08/2022 22:00

RaRaRaspoutine · 30/08/2022 20:43

the worst I’ve ever done was fuelled by ryvita. Fuck me it hung around, like it was sat damply in the air.

Those dark brown ryvitas are the worst.

LimboLass · 30/08/2022 22:04

My HB made our eldest cry once due to his smelly fart it was properly disgustin!. He now warns her when he does a hot one. They smell the worst so he says.

HermioneIsMyHomegirl · 30/08/2022 22:06

In my late teens I went for dinner & a piss up with some friends, and picked something very heavy on garlic. Next day I joined my parents in the car for a scenic drive and let out a quiet one.

My mother signed contentedly and asked my dad, 'can you smell the wild garlic?'

Never confessed.

Isaidnoalready · 30/08/2022 22:10

I didnt realise the cat was under the duvet farted he bit my BUTT and fled last time he ever snuck under my duvet and he sleeps with a teen boy (I really didn't think it was that bad)

JimmiChoux · 30/08/2022 22:14

Georgeskitchen · 30/08/2022 21:19

As the proud owner of several sons I have spent many years living in Fart City 🤣 now all adults, said sons still find farting hilarious, the louder and the more confined public space, the better 🤣

Same!

tillytoodles1 · 30/08/2022 22:14

I ended up in hospital with the most awful stomach pains which turned out be colic. They gave me medication and at first there were a few tiny little farts that did nothing for the pain. Later on I woke up and did the loudest, longest fart I've ever heard, but the pain went.

signandsingcarols · 30/08/2022 22:17

I am crying with laughter and my DP is cross because 'he is trying to watch a programme' and I am sniggering hysterically. I have to say the phrase a 'minge singe-er' has now entered my vocabulary

PinkRiceKrispies · 30/08/2022 22:17

My best friend let out a loud series of farts which rocketed through the room and sounded like a series of tennis balls landing on the floor. We were crying with laughter for what seemed like hours.
I love farts. Childish but very funny 😄

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/08/2022 22:31

Love a good fart.

We rate them - Duration, Volume, Stench, Pitch, Key-change, and Performance.

A fart really has to hit all six criteria to be in the running for a 10/10.

Then there are the historic farts, farts from the past that should have a farty hall of fame...

The one my best mate did in the back of our van that made me and the driver gag all the way home.

That time himself got out of the van to fill up with fuel and I FILLED the whole van with farts then sat silently in my stench knowing that due to the pissing rain he would run back and dive in and slam the door before taking a breath... and so would be hit by a van full of fart! (He was, I nearly injured myself laughing!)

If you don't like farts, don't try Huel... OMG I was a guff-factory for days, every time I moved, they were unstoppable!

curvymumma79 · 30/08/2022 22:35

The best fart I've ever done was a few years ago now. The story has been told throughout the family and no one has - forgive the pun - trumped me yet 🤣

It was winter, and really icy cold. My car had been playing up, so my dad jumped in with me and we went for a drive to see if he could figure out what was going on with it.

We had the heating on full blast, and radio up singing along when it happened, I never thought it would be so big, but I swear I lifted a few inches of the seat, the shock, the heat from the car and the smell, the god awful smell 🤢 at this point I said to dad, can you smell burning? He gave a really big sniff in, and my god he changed colour, I've never seen anything like it. Then he went pale, deathly pale.

I can't recall the names he called me, personally I think he was jealous 😏 I've never laughed so much in all my life! The only downside to this, is that now whenever my car plays up I have to take it to the garage 🤣

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/08/2022 22:43

Himself (crying with laughter at this thread, particularly at the people who are medical marvels who don't fart...)... has reminded me..

Our bedroom is small, and we have a fan in there by the bed. During the hottest night of this year, as he gets into bed, he let rip a fart...

The fan shoved it my way.. but I had a fan on the windowsill trying desperately to get some cooler air from outside in... so that pushed it back...

The fart had such stamina, it circled the fucking room four times before it faded away... with OH exploding with laughter each time it came back around, knowing I'd get it a second or so later. The fart that NEVER dies!

Bubblebubblebah · 30/08/2022 22:43

AtSomePointInLife · 30/08/2022 22:00

DH and I went shopping in sainsbury's I was in the freezer aisle and he was just pottering around. I saw him come up next to me let a stinker out and walk off leaving me with the stench and people looking at me.

I do that to DH😂
Sometime I just stand further away looking at him and shake my gead.

Farted on long escalators in undergraduate in major city on Friday afternoon... I think that was the hardest thing ever, not to laugh but do as others and look around disapprovingly.

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/08/2022 22:44

Oh he says ive missed out the really vital information that it smelt like rotting bins, the kind behind the open market that have old fish and rotting veg in them. Bin farts are the worst!