To think that home schooling is a bit cult like?

[WobblyWellies]

This is purely anecdotal but based on a group of friends who are all home schooling now, it makes me feel like there is a cult like element to it. There's definitely a click amongst the mums. One of my friends in the group has changed quite a bit since she started home schooling. She's almost become a bit militant about the whole thing. She often posts things on social media about how terrible schools are for children and how home schooling is much better. I feel like she's stirring things up. I am in fact a teacher but I don't push school on people I meet or social media, it's totally individual choice how you want your child educated. I'm not sure if my friend is out to convert people.

However, I do see homeschooling as a privilege to a certain extent because it relies on a parent not working (or part time) and is self funded for the majority. My friend has a house with acres of land and woods, she does loads of outdoor learning with her kids which is great but I wouldn't say it's the norm to have that.

So this group of friends are very clicky over homeschooling and it feels like a them and us scenario now.

Aibu to say it's like a cult for some people?

I honestly think it depends on the child,and on the life stage of that child. I could imagine one of mine doing amazingly if he'd been home schooled - until 10/11 when the first rumblings of puberty hit - then that's when he really needed a great sports coach/PE/school sport influence, the social element, etc, and he needed it about 100% more than when he was littler. If we were home schooling I think we'd have missed out on seeing what he needed to develop confidently through puberty as a self assured kid, as he'd have not been put in those certain situations that put a spotlight on certain behavioural issues (nothing serious, but coping strategies for stress etc that weren't that great, for example, and which left unchecked could've made life generally more difficult as time went on). There are just some things we couldn't teach him at that life stage. We were really glad for teachers and coaches that were great influences.

Those who home school children seems to be very forthcoming about it and very proud. I would not use the word cult, but I get where the OP is coming from.

I would be very surprised if your friend wasn’t well aware of the activities run for schools by your local museum. Home educators are usually the ones who are communicating with the museums in order to get these activities set up for their children too, I have done this successfully myself several times with local museums and galleries.
I have been involved in both home ed and school visits to museums, farms, zoos and more, the sessions don’t tend to be the same due to a school session usually being set up to fit in with the curriculum, all of the children being around the same age and stage and tend to be very much focussed on timings x minutes to complete this task then move on so they can get back to school on time. A home ed session tends to be much more flexible and varied and can go off tangents and it also tends to have a much more relaxed atmosphere for both the organisers and the children. So just because both schooled and home educated children attend a museum to do a session on the Vikings for example, doesn’t mean they will have the same experience.

What a strange comment - would you prefer it if all home-educators were ashamed or embarrassed about it instead?

If there's any evidence that proves your statement "abusive parents keep their kids at home on purpose" I would like to see it please.

I'm not saying it happens a lot, but Jesus Christ how can you post something like that on the very next page after a poster has shared their personal experience of exactly that?

I’m so sorry that you had a horrible experience @JeminaPuddlegoose

I feel like home educators get so defensive about their choices (because so many people are critical and rude about them) and are always quick to shoot people down who have had bad experiences rather than acknowledge the potential issues that home educating can hide. You are correct that a child not seeing a GP or a dentist for several years isn’t going to automatically raise a red flag to other services. I don’t think it does us any favours to pretend that there is no possibility that there are children out there in homes that aren’t being treated well. I have home educated for years and haven’t had any contact regarding the education of my children in all that time, sometimes I do find that very bizarre.

When people make a choice that is outside the mainstream it can feel important to be sure of your choices which can sometimes come across as evangelical but it is probably masking insecurity. Equally important to find a tribe of people who validate those choices.
It sounds like your own choices around education feel threatened?
I home educated my 3 older kids, we are very secure in our decisions but over the years I have noticed how prickly some people can be about our way of life. I am not financially privileged at all, we have very little money but I hear what you are saying around this aspect of home ed. Neither am I a driver which makes it difficult again. It is best I think not to clump everyone together, there are many reasons for people behaving as they do.
The world would be a peculiar place if we were all the same. Perhaps the best you can do is support your friends on this new and probably scary adventure they have embarked on and when you feel threatened to recognise that is your own stuff and not to put that on them.

What about the likes of me who are home educating due to the fact that their child has severe anxiety and cannot cope too well in a busy noisy environment? Whilst waiting assessments which as you know can take years if you don't go private we try our best to give our children a safe and happy home Ed alternative to school.
I only know a couple of others who home Ed , I find it's other mums who look down on me when they find out I am not sending her to "mainstream school "

As you're a teacher, it's clique, (rhymes with leek), and cliquey, not click/clicky.

IME, people I've known who home-educate their children are far too diverse to qualify as a cult. I've seen some making a real hash of it (small wonder their feral brats didn't thrive in school) and others doing a grand job until their lively well-socialised teenagers entered university (sciences) or skilled apprenticeships.

"Firstly there is more crossover between home schooled and schooled kids than you might think. My local boxing club, scouts and music schools have both. Also. it's unlikely a child in a school of 200 will interact with all other children. Lastly, in my area it is largely white and still quite racist. There are a larger number of ethnically diverse children amongst the home ed community because of racism, which I am sure schools try to stamp out but is impossible to avoid on the way home, during break times or just as a subtle form of ostracising."

But as I said previously, the groups you're talking about are already special interest/hobby groups so have things in common. And, as I also said, you're limiting your idea of diversity as only pertaining to race in your comment. That's Diversity not diversity.

"What's diverse about interacting with a greater number of similar children?"

Diverse personalities for example? Why are you assuming 200 children (or more), 30 teachers and support staff (or more) are all the same? Why is that a good assumption and yet it's a poor assumption that the group of home schoolers or people from their hobby groups are all the same?

There are definitely exceptions to the idea that everyone home schools for the same reason. The provision by the state is woefully inadequate for sen and is not looking likely to improve. And very likely to get worse.

We home ed. Neurodiversity played a big part. There is no middle ground between the rigidity of school and completely opting out - if there was a genuine 3rd option, not just flexi schooling, I'd love it. I've really struggled to find people on my wavelength who also homeschool. I'm low drama, low fuss, we do enough, my kid is fairly academic, articulate, very maths-interested - but was like this anyway, I don't credit his years at school for this or my own efforts. I should say I live in an area that's known to have a thriving home ed population. I was aware of it previously but I've not seen the cohesive wholeness that I'd hoped for, but really, that makes sense. People home ed in different ways, and for different reasons. I've definitely met people who think that agreeing with everything that is the opposite of the general concensus in mainstream society is somehow thinking critically. If I let it, it would keep me up at night (I previously worked in safeguarding), but I don't have the headspace spare. WRT prev poster and child who is learning work ahead of peers, that can level off as they get older. Mine was in the same situation. We're currently working to age rather than yeargroup (so a year ahead calendar, but my child is one of the older ones, so arguably just in the expected niche). Child was further ahead for a while. I find it comes in fits and starts and depends on their interests, so yeargroup comparisons not always useful. Ultimately I just wish we had a school in this area that could provide what he requires, but the system is a mess. And yes, it's massively privileged to be able to do it, no doubt about it. I'm disillusioned with it, honestly. With support for kids generally, in school and who have additional needs. And I'm tired. I really do think in terms of people I've met, that they double down on their absolute conviction that it's right, because any doubt that creeps in threatens to overturn the boat. But, not all homeschoolers. Just some of the ones that stand out to me, having been in it a couple of years. Also, covid and extended isolation periods have probably made things a bit weird and fractured for home ed communities. They've also polarised people within them. I often wonder what it might have been like before social media existed.

@Booklover3 you sound like us. Be my friend. 😁

I really hope your child gets a good teacher that they really click with this year @pawkins. That’s all they need, just one, and their love for learning will return. I’m sorry my post struck a cord. We can all only do our best 💐

I’ll be your friend. Can never have enough friends 😆

YANBU

@Tobee It's actually true that I don't know any home ed children from deprived homes. They are are always much loved, well fed, well clothed and most of us acknowledge that home ed parents have a level of privilege. We know some of the secondary schooled kids in our area, a group of whom seem to be from difficult backgrounds and they and parents engage in anti social behaviour, vandalism and write truly awful graffiti about the girls in the school on our local bus stop. It's true my kids miss out on socialising with them.it is true we live in something of a bubble. But for many of us home edders it hasn't been a choice, and so we make the best of our options, including trying to educate around tolerance and understanding. If you have any ideas how I should improve my children's access to mixing with those from a deprived background I would be interested to hear.

Children from deprived homes can be much loved and well-behaved.

When did it change as it was like that when my child was in mainstream (he’s now in specialist not home Ed) and he only left mainstream 3 and a half years ago

@antelopevalley Yes, of course, these are just the ones that roam our streets. I acknowledge we are unlikely to meet families in dire poverty or with other problems, that's all. Although we do spend 4 hours a week in the company of 3 children now in foster care due to one of our hobbies. So we are not unfamiliar with the issues children in care face.

There are definitely people who were knew who were home-educating and living in some very challenging conditions and some are also known to social services and are definitely struggling.

Some families have had home-ed forced on them, to be fair - it was that or be excluded. Basically, they were off-rolled (which is technically illegal but doesn't stop it happening)

I know one alcoholic who home-educated while holding down a minimum wage job. They lost custody of the children and that was the end of that.

Families living on boats and in caravans are not uncommon in home-education circles. We also know people who live in gorgeous 5 or 6 bed houses with acres of land.

We know plenty of single-parent families and some wealthy two-parent families and gay singles and couples who all home-educate. There's also a number of non-binary home-educated children.

There are home-educators on benefits or earning minimum wage and people on six figures and a fair few who are carers.

Home education has quite a lot of children with complex emotional needs - probably a higher percentage than school-going children - because that's probably the reason they're home-educated. And some children (and parents) with mental health needs.

Also plenty of dyslexic children, and lots of children with autism and ADHD etc (a lot of times because schools can't meet their needs but places at specialist schools for autism are few and far between and also the funding for such places is a battle that can take years) and some with children (and parents) with physical disabilities.

I also know more than one family whose child competes at a national level. They're the exception, most seem pretty average (or even terrible) at sport, obviously.
Same goes for art, music (ranging from tone deaf to grade 8 and everything in between) and a whole load of other stuff.

We have friends who have straight As (or almost straight) As and 8s and 9s and went on to vet and med school.
Equally, we have friends who have no GCSEs or qualifications at all.

I know two families with adopted children, one of whom had been in care. The only demographic I haven't come across is children shuttling in and out of care - and that is because looked-after children are by default going to be in state education and LAC is usually the top schools admissions criteria.
With that said, my children would probably not have come across looked-after children in the cosy middle class school (or the feeder primaries) down the road either, because its the sort of school that people rent property in the area for just to get their children in, and its free-school-meals eligibility is way below the national average. So home-education hasn't really decreased the "diversity" in that sense.

I'm in no way saying that home educated children "experience diversity because we've got muslim friends" or "They experience kids from different background because sometimes horse riding is discounted" because that would be ludicrious and insulting.

When I say "diversity" I mean it in the sense that an EDI manager or an LA would and not because "poor people can afford horse-riding too".
I don't think we're particularly unusual but may be we are.

Not sure if you're aware but a small number of home-educating families are in receipt of personal budgets or are technically EOTAS.
So their activities are effectively subsidised and that might include horse-riding or some other therapeutic thing (I don't generally ask people, obviously but once I did have to supply costs& receipts for an activity I organised for a family's personal budget)

Additionally, people can prioritise their income, so what is unaffordable in mainstream school might just become affordable in home-education because they're spending less on school-related stuff.
It might be the only thing they do all term but at least one family who was significantly disadvantaged (by all the usual social services parameters) did have one of their children to home-ed horse-riding (with the help of lifts from other families). I didn't ask them how they afforded it because that would have been patronising.

You seem to have no actual idea of how diverse home-education is - and why would you, to be honest.

But for some reason you're convinced that home-education is the purview of white middle class women with well-paid husbands. I'm not denying that those sorts of home-educators do exist - they obviously do - but they're not the only demographic by any stretch.

If you want to home educate and only mix with a small group who are like you then you can. There are absolutely pockets of people like this who keep within their small circle. If you want to home educate and mix with a diverse range of people then that is doable too, home educators as a whole are a hugely diverse bunch of people. Then of course you don’t just mix with other home educators, for example my dc have spent a lot of time at a summer holiday club this year and they were the only home ed children attending. It was just a general club not linked with a particular sport or activity.
I guess with a school setting the thing that is different is the element of choosing who you are mixing with, there is no choice who you are in a class with although simply being in a class with someone doesn’t mean that they actually mix.

I’m sure your kids aren’t missing out by not socializing with the local anti-social behaviour kids.

All these arguments about home schooled kids not mixing with a diverse range of people is rubbish. We all choose schools specifically to avoid this. We want the school with the nice middle class kids who aren’t going to be disruptive and spend over the odds on houses to live in these areas. We want to send our girls to girls schools so that they don’t have to put up with sexual abuse from boys. We send our kids to private schools to give them the best possible start in life, regardless of it meaning they don’t have much contact with more deprived people. These are all decisions that we make because we want the best for our kids.