Would you let your mum or dad move in with you?

[mermaidtail]

Topic for traffic.

Just as the title states; if your say 30ish, just getting your life on track, new job, new home, new school for the DD or DS, then one of your parents comes to stay after being absent due to living abroad for a few years, the stay turns into 2 months, then they say they want to perhaps live with you permanently...

Would you feel obliged to say yes?

No. It is our responsibility to look after parents as they get over but not to have them to live. Find her a flat.

Fuck that

I have posted on the elderly parents forum, with a lot more background information. I really do feel so lost and angry.

My mum had to come and live with us for 4/5 months last year and it was really hard. It was always going to be short term so we managed but I wouldn’t want to do it permanently.

Absolutely not.

What a thoroughly dishonest thing to do.

Do not accept this.

No decent parent would do this.

A really selfish one would.

You need to toughen up, fast.

What other people would do and what is right for you isn't the same. I know a couple of people who do this and are quite happy with the arrangement.

It depends on what space you have, how you get on and the needs of the parent. Plus what they can do for you - childcare, housework etc.

But it doesn't sound like its working for you, which is the main thing. Can you help them find a flat to live in? Is it a money issue?

What’s your relationship with this parent like? You’ve already recognised it’s not good for you so why do you feel unable to say “This isn’t working for me [parent]. You need to be making plans to move on in the next 4 weeks.” (or similar)?

If you’re in your 30s your parents is presumably somewhere between 50th and 70ish? So they could have another 20 - 40 years of their life still to go. Don’t let them dictate the course of your life by default.

My own parents yes, absolutely.
In your situation no way 😬

I would, but it sounds like your situation is different to mine.

No way!!