Would you let your mum or dad move in with you?

[mermaidtail]

Topic for traffic.

Just as the title states; if your say 30ish, just getting your life on track, new job, new home, new school for the DD or DS, then one of your parents comes to stay after being absent due to living abroad for a few years, the stay turns into 2 months, then they say they want to perhaps live with you permanently...

Would you feel obliged to say yes?

No way in hell

Yes, of course I would. My parents mean the world to me, they've done so much for me.

No. There would be murder.

I think most western marriages (in a cultural context where this hasn't been the expectation from the start) would not survive this.

I live in a European country where rurally this is still fairly normal and actually most of the women in the sandwich generation are absolutely miserable and feel like dogsbodies - constantly put upon from all sides and constantly judged and found wanting, with no privacy at all. It was essentially hard on mothers of young children who weren't working (I got to know several women in that position when my children were tiny and quickly stopped envying them the assumed childcare as this was very much not a given and not worth the sacrifice of privacy).

That's women who knew this arrangement was the plan and had even lived that way as the grandchild/ youngest generation happily without knowing how hard it was on their own mother.

I would not feel obligated to have them live with me, no.

Second time in two minutes I've only had to read the title.
No way

My Mum moved in with me for a couple of months after she broke her leg and had nobody else to look after her. There's no way I could have coped with longer than that, it was tough enough as it is

No

Maybe it depends... Can they contribute financially to you purchasing a bigger home (in your name)? Can they guarantee full time child care, saving you thousands of pounds a year? Will they totally respect your independence and be a delight to be with for a short time every day?

Depends on the detail. If it was my mum exiting an abusive marriage / struggling with physical disabilities then of course, yes.

I’d LOVE my dad to move in!

But if I wasn’t close to them and they just randomly felt like it then no.

I wouldn't want to move in with them

Move them in in haste...

... repent at leisure.

Obliged? No.
My Dad - hell would freeze over first.
PIL - No.
My Mum (now deceased) possibly, depended on the house set up. When she was alive she spent 2 nights a week with us while she helped with DD. That was fine. Longer wouldn't have been great but in a bigger house, maybe.

Your mum was helping you and saved you money on childcare. You act as if you did her a favour.

No I wouldn't. But you could ask when they're planning on moving on.

It would be different if they were ill, then I would.

Nope. My DM doesn't understand personal space or boundaries at all. It would be hell on earth.

Absolutely no!!

My mother lived with us for 6 months whilst her new home was being renovated. When it was ready she kept making excuses about staying with us for a bit longer, then a bit longer, etc. Eventually she refused to leave us to move into her new house. We literally had to carry her into our car and drive her at high speed (well not that fast!) to her new place, it was the only way to get her to leave.

Beautiful3 my neighbour 's ill mother moved in with her 22 years ago - her then early teen daughter gave up her room and accepted a camp bed in their living room "for a few months", they didn't have a a spare room.

Her mother's still there - health neither better nor worse - daughter and husband long gone.

As per my user name, both of my parents had substance abuse problems. Each died young so it's not an issue that I will face but it would have destroyed any chance of getting my life on track to live with people with active substance abuse issues.

My mother, yes, possibly. We have enough room to give her her own space, she’s good company and she’d lend a hand. The kids love her. I wouldn’t expect her to do much - keeping an eye on the kids if we nipped out, shoving a wash on if she was home or very occasional babysitting. We’d cover bills. But she wouldn’t want to, unless perhaps she was infirm and needed help herself. She’s been on her own for years and likes a very quiet life. Too quiet, if you ask me.

My dad has a drink, money and women problem, and expects to be waited on hand and foot…so…um…NO!

Lol. No.

Yes. My dad has been living with us for 18mo now. There are times when I have to bite my tongue and there have been 2 episodes when I didn't, but it's otherwise been fine! Really helpful with childcare/pet care/gardening too tbh. We've always had a good relationship anyway and I love the fact dc gets to spend so much time with him. It might not work for everyone, but dh works away a lot and I think it makes him feel better than I'm not alone all the time (no other family nearby).

I wouldn't feel obliged, but I would definitely do it.

More information needed. Do you get on well? Do you have a partner and if so what do they think?