Would you let your mum or dad move in with you?

[mermaidtail]

Topic for traffic.

Just as the title states; if your say 30ish, just getting your life on track, new job, new home, new school for the DD or DS, then one of your parents comes to stay after being absent due to living abroad for a few years, the stay turns into 2 months, then they say they want to perhaps live with you permanently...

Would you feel obliged to say yes?

No, I like them but 2-3 days is my max.

Ha ha ha... Nope!

I think it depends on your relationship, what your spouse thinks, and what the parent brings to the table. If everyone gets on well and you buy a large house together so everyone has their own space and sort out how all the bills are going to be split, and the grandparent is happy to take an active part in family life and you don't take the piss wrt childcare and all the adults get on very well together then it could be a positive and beneficial experience for all concerned.

I'd discuss it in private with your spouse first and let them veto it but if you both think you could do it them sit down with your parent and discuss the financial implications and what you'd expect from them. They can't live with you permanently for free.

My mum lived with us from her early 60s to when she sadly died age 74. It was wonderful experience she enriched the children's lives immeasurably. She was lonely after my dad died, we shared resources and bought a big house together. It worked for us , we miss her everyday 😢

Only in an annexe or very, very large home! I love my DM (dad passed away). We would drive eachother mad though.DD wouldn’t leave her alone and she would find it exhausting!

No.

I'd certainly help in their search for somewhere to live but it wouldn't be under my roof.

I would definitely have my father to live with me. Mother not so much, but this is an academic question as they are both dead.

I would (probably unfairly) feel that they had tricked you. Depending on where they have come back from, you stay three months. If British citizen, you need to fit criteria to regain your residency - one of these is having family in the UK, another is putting kids into school, going on to GP lists etc You have to have been here 3 months + to be able to use NHS or start benefits claim etc (and I think the latter has conditions).
Essentially, your parent should have savings or a place to sell to set up here. Once they have that address, other things then fall into place.

No.
No way.
Never.
Not under any circumstances.

No fucking way, lol.

My parents would never suggest it either, thank God.

No. I love my mother but no. We’d both end up with life sentences

It also comes down to context. Is this a whim, missing you/the UK, or are they having move back for personal/health reasons? What was the long term plan? Where did they intend retiring?
How much and how long will support be needed? Can you suare it against childcare/shared cost of living ect What impact will it have on your relationships?

Hell would freeze over before my parents moved in

Absolutely no, both my parents would be difficult to live with. It was actually a huge relief when I left home.

Only in an annex!

My Mum and/or Dad? Yes, in a heart beat. My PiL, not a chance. So DH would have the final say on my parents moving in (and actually, I think he might say yes).

I wouldn't feel obliged to, but I wouldn't mind living with one or both of my parents. However, I think they'd prefer not to live with me (I am messier, and have a lovely but noisy 5-year-old)!

They'd never, ever put the obligation on us, though - it's incredibly rude to assume you can live with a family member indefinitely in their home, and most families would find it stressful. I'd never in a million years allow my in-laws to move in (not that they'd ever want to - see reasons above!).

No.

If she was literally going to end up on the streets, then of course I would let DM move in, but it would be as a temporary solution until alternative arrangements can be made. I'd possibly hold out a couple of years, if that's what it would take to get finances in order, but there would have to be a end in sight.

@Galarunner my Mum's cousin had her Mum live with them, the children (my second cousins) all had a great relationship with their grandmother and living with a lively family kept her young. They had a beautiful large Victorian villa with lots of room (3 sitting rooms, 6 bedrooms). It also meant as well that in her final illness she could stay at home surrounded by the family she had helped care for for decades. There are definitely benefits to multigenerational households.

Fuck no

In a “granny suite” with a separate kitchenette - yes, that would be a dream. In each other’s space all the time - no, we’d drive each other crazy.

My DM has lived with us twice for 3-6 months each time. 3 months were fine, but after 4 things started getting a bit tense.

No

Tell us more, op? Because right now this parent is sounding like a stealthy cheeky fucker.

I wouldn’t feel obliged but would very happily have either of my parents (or in laws for that matter) living with us.

i think the fact that we know we could say no probably says all it needs to about why we would say yes!