To not be forced into this performative nonsense?

[Onlyforcake]

I am at the admittedly busy park. Two women were very loudly doing hide and seek near the bench I am sat on. I put in my ear plugs and did my best to block it out. I'm not great with people. My own child is quietly digging in the sand, I was fixing our kite.

Anyway one of these grown women does a whole theatrical shush to me and lies under the bench I am sat on. Giggling too. This is hugely uncomfortable for me. People across the park are staring which makes me nervous, she's fidgeting lwhich shakes the bench I'm also very conscious of her head really close to my backside. A woman who had sat at the far end of the bench just got up and walked away, which i probably should have. AIBU to think this was totally unnecessary on her part? She's gone now, to the other side of the park. I really hope my son gets bored soon so I can leave altogether.

Defo should’ve snapped & farted 😂 aah good times ….

Definitely that is a performance.

Why she felt she needed to provide you with free theatre in a public park and then hide under the bench you were sitting on - only odd woman herself knows this.

YABU she was playing hide and seek with her kid, she didn’t expect you to join in.

I'm quite happy being silly in public with my ds and friends/families children.

I'm also perfectly able to do it without invading someone else's personal space or thinking they need to be involved. I realise no one gives 2 fucks about what I'm doing with my day anymore than I do about theirs!

It’s a bit odd…

But tbh I find it depressing when people who interact with their children in public at all are described as “perfomative”. Some of us enjoy talking to our children

Also you’re not really being required to participate. A smile and a nod would have done it and if you were really uncomfortable you could have moved?

Gosh, that lady sounds like she is SO MUCH FUN!! You should LOOK at what an AMAZING and CRAZY mum she is.

We used have an absolute dolt like this who would play full on Tag in the school playground with her younger child, while waiting to collect the elder. Properly running full pelt. We were all jealous at how we weren’t able to be so uninhibited and FUN.

(We weren’t.)

But tbh I find it depressing when people who interact with their children in public at all are described as “perfomative”. Some of us enjoy talking to our children

Oh my gosh - of course, that’s exactly where the rest of us who don’t plonk ourselves in other peoples’ spaces and request audience participation to entertain our children are going wrong. We simply don’t enjoy talking to our children.

OP - yanbu.

Fucking hell, I hear you OP. YADBU in any way - it was a weird invasion of your space and performative is exactly what it is. This shit is at least partially about engaging an audience for your brilliant parenting, not exclusively for the entertainment of your child. It’s amdram child rearing.

We’re currently in a small hotel in Greece. It’s been busy; lots of families, mainly Greek, Italian and French, quite a few babies and toddlers. There has been absolutely none of this whatsoever - everyone happily rubbing along, parents being respectful of the peace and privacy of the people here without kids, everyone being sweet to the children.

Until a British couple arrived this morning. Christ, the level of fuss, ‘special’ food required (not allergy-related before that lot pile on), and the foghorn play school voice narrating every single action and response. This in a small, laid back, quiet breakfast bar. The child is maybe 1 yr old, if that. They were completely oblivious to the fact that everyone else in the room might not want to spend their holiday delighting in the magnificence of their parenting.

I couldn’t get wound up about this.

My mind set at the mo is very much ‘If they’re having fun and laughing together then crack on enjoy yourselves’. In the last three years I’ve seen a friend aged 50 die of throat cancer, leaving two teenage children. A friends husband die of cancer aged 38 leaving behind children aged 3 and 5 and a friends sister die of breast cancer aged 48. The reality that life can be short and end suddenly has really hit home. Why not make a bit of a fool of yourself whilst having fun with your children in the park.

If she had asked you to move or join in then she would’ve been unreasonable.

We’ve all experienced loss and grief @Ihatemyroad but most of us can parent without lying down under a bench that already has has two people sitting on it, shaking it and telling them to shush in order to entertain our child.

Don't justify your description OP, I know exactly the type you mean. It's probably a performative parent who's gotten annoyed with your use of the word.

Who the fuck scrabbles under a bench on the ground for hide and seek.Yanbu.

Exactly, hide very obviously behind a tree like everyone else 😂

Indeed

I mean, it sounds irritating and I probably would have had a good old eye roll, but what's the issue, really? Hardly worth giving it headspace.

YANBU at feeling uncomfortable with her under the bench, you're entitled to feel uncomfortable with whatever you feel uncomfortable with; but she was also NBU at playing under the bench with her kid in a play park. Clue is in the name, PLAY park. They were playing. That's what the park is there for.

Ah yes, because situation described is the only way that people can talk to and interact with their children in public, there's no other way to do that.

Those of us who don't perform some kind of pantomime for our children in parks etc, involving audience participation (wanted or not), really don't enjoy talking to our children at all. 😂

What utter shite.

Well there's a sex shop down the road from me on the A1 but I'm pretty sure there aren't folk shagging by the cash register.

Not the same thing, obviously, as one is an activity location and the other is a shop to buy goods. Like car park versus car dealership - one you park your car at, the other you buy your car from.

Probably more comparable to a sex show than a sex shop. Which I'm guessing people have probably occasionally seen other people having sex under their chairs at.

Also, as you said, the park is obviously there to play in, but the bench is there for sitting on. It's not a slide or swings. It's not part of the play equipment.

I do find some people's inconsideration of others a real pain in the arse. It's perfectly possible to go about your day, playing or not, realising that neither you or your child are the only people on the planet.

I’d wager she wasn’t the mum- no mum has that level of enthusiasm. She was surely a friend or aunty who only has to entertain children in small bursts and are therefore so much louder and enthusiastic about it!

My kid is next to me playing on the couch right now - it's for sitting on, but she can play in the living room, and the couch is in the living room. Same principle applies, I think.

Saying that I'm more of a hands off, mess with my mobile and ignore my kids until absolutely necessary kind of parent at the park, so it wouldn't be my kind of activity at all! I'd probably just ignore the try hard parent expending way more energy than I could ever muster on a good day and carry on messing with my phone!

My kid is next to me playing on the couch right now - it's for sitting on, but she can play in the living room, and the couch is in the living room. Same principle applies, I think.

You think that your child sitting next to you, in your home, is the same as a stranger sitting on a public bench in a park? I'm afraid I disagree. Yes, it's a public park for use by everyone, but surely people should have some consideration for others? No one seems to give a shit about anyone else anymore.

I'd have just told the child "She's here".

YANBU. It is bloody weird for a grown adult to crawl under a bench that a complete stranger is sitting on. I'd maybe expect it from kids playing hide and seek in a park, but definitely not an adult!