To ask your experience of moving to a rural location with children/ teens

[MumEeeee]

Dh and I are always tempted to move out the city. We grew up in villages, but not in the UK.

Friends keep saying to us how difficult it would be. We’d be driving them everywhere/ no facilities etc.

My experience of village life was that people didn’t leave that much, maybe one a week to the nearest town. There was a bus. One friend says I’m idealistic and what I remember has changed or doesn’t exist anymore. She’s a Londoner born and bred though…

So, if you made the move from
the city to a very rural location with teens and children- how did they take it?

Thanks

We moved from London to a rural location. The DC were small at the time, they're teens now.

I do a lot of driving them about! They get the bus to school, but it's only once every 2 hours so although the timing works for school it often doesn't work for after school activities or meeting friends. I don't mind driving them (as I feel they shouldn't suffer for a choice DH and I made) - it's only a 15/20 min drive to the nearest town but I do it a LOT. Looking forward to eldest passing his driving test!

Apart from that it's lovely living here. I grew up in London but I'm a convert now.

I haven’t made such a move. What I can say is that my kids had fairly busy social lives once they were teenagers after school clubs, lots of sport, meeting friends for cinema etc then parties once they were older.

They walked, got the bus, shared taxis and sometimes I drove or collected them.

This was an important part of their lives and also developing independence before university.

How would you envisage your kids lives once they’re teenagers and would they have enough opportunities to enjoy social lives, sport, school activities etc?

I grew up in a rural area and once I was secondary school age it was awful, though I was probably lonely and isolated right from the beginning. I was in a small village though with few kids my age, and some of the middle class kids weren't allowed out to play with the rest of us! Having to get a bus home after school was crap as we couldn't hang out after school, so it made a big difference in friendship groups, although again nearly everyone else lived in town there were only two small villages that were bussed in, if there had been more kids living in villages it may not have been so much of an issue. Then once I started to go out in the evenings I had to find a friend to stay with if my dad didn't want to pick me up.

I would never have wanted the same for DD. We live in the town and it's been great. But having said that, it depends so much on size of village, transport, who else is around etc.

I grew up in a rural village, I had a few friends in the village and we could walk to meet at each others houses and hang out. But for everything else I was reliant on my parents for lifts, which I think got annoying for all parties involved at times. I couldn't go to my dance school, cinema, shopping, or even just hang our with friends not in the village without getting a lift both ways. Especially for evening meet ups I had to leave early or swindle sleeping over at a friends. The public transport was a non-starter as it was basically non-existent. It wasn't ideal, and I did find it frustrating sometimes, and this was as someone who grew up with it, I think I night have found it even worse if I had gone from having more freedoms of a city to being that restricted.

We both grew up in villages with significant numbers of children, and a significant % of the village being relatives- so in and out of houses. Our homes also had multiple generations.
My worry I guess is being isolated and there not being a village community, but houses people commute from or largely keep to themselves.
I had huge freedoms. I could walk to the main road and flag a bus. We even when we were older could use the horse sledge or trap.

It really depends on the location. I grew up relatively rurally (albeit it a town but quite a small town in a very rural area) and had a very nice upbringing, but I could walk to meet friends. As adults we lived in a village very near to some good sized towns and cities but the transport links were atrocious and the teen anti social behaviour awful so we've moved to a town where the kids can walk themselves to high school and to socialise, get a job outside of school if they wish, without needing to rely on us. I would love to go back to a more rural location eventually, and I think villages are great for primary school kids but I'm pleased with a town for the teen years.

I wouldn't do it. Because I grew up in a tiny Devon village and had nothing till I passed my driving test. I wouldn't do it to my boys. I have quite strong feelings about it.
My boys can get to everywhere round here now, meet friends to play football, go to cinema. There are buses and trains aswell. Ds1 passed his test as soon as he could aswell.

With teenagers, I think you would need to be prepared to drive them around a lot, and perhaps to host quite a lot too.

You will be a taxi service until they can drive.

We moved when DD was 10 but she was fully on board (pony related!). Although we were quite rural with no local transport, she went to school in a city which she could reach by train. We did do a lot of driving her around including every day to and from the station during term time and picking her up late at night when she got older, it gave her a good social life but we had some control over where she went. City born, I now love the rural life, have lots of friends although not on my doorstep and can follow a number of different interests as I live 15 minutes drive from a nice town. We have never regretted it and DD says she had a lovely childhood! I think it would have been more difficult if we had had more than one child and they had different interests and schedules.

We were the family 'taxi' then mechanic trying to keep old car an the road for them.
Also some older cars then were structurally weaker, not giving good survivability in a crash. That is better now but...

Plus you're more likely to need to shell out for their driving lessons and cars too

Like other posters have said, you will do a lot of ferrying them about! Lots of kids here ride mopeds as soon as they are 16 to gain a bit of independence.

We moved to a village (priced out of our hometown) and my then 15yr old DS hated it. Spent most of his weekends sleeping over at friends houses in the town we had moved from. Bus transport to his school cost £700 a year as I didn't want to move him to catchment secondary in the middle of GCSES.

Younger DC had a better experience but found friendships tricky at the local small primary school. There were lots of cousins, siblings, half siblings and step siblings within classes (mixed year group classes due to low numbers) and it was hard for them to integrate into friendship groups as a result of these pre existing relationships.

Stuff like afterschool clubs or just hanging out with friends after school can be tricky as I have to do a 15 mile round detour from work to collect them as there is no other transport than the school coach. Takes the spontaneity out of it for them.

My Parents moved us from a city to a rural location when I was 12. I absolutely hated it. It made friendships difficult as I couldn't pop round to friends or meet up with them spontaneously, but they all could with each other. The school day was long due to travelling there and back. The school holidays were also difficult as I was bored a lot of the time when my parents were working. As soon as I was old enough I spent most of my time staying over at friends who lived in town or at my boyfriends house.

Local people in many rural areas struggle to find anywhere to live, such as teachers, nurses and other jobs that cannot be done remotely in part of whole.

Do you want to make it even worse for them?

When I was at school in a city, we had several children from rural areas join us in the sixth form. Their dependence on parents for lifts outside the journey to/from school was very evident.

We live in a small village. Not exactly rural as it's only 5 miles to the nearest town, but the bus service is typically rural. There are busses every couple of hours from 8am to 7pm, which run between 2 towns. These never seem to be at the right times and there is no school bus for my youngest. Almost all my driving is school runs and ferrying the kids to activies, and I drive about 16k miles a year. From next month, I'll only have 1 left at home though so it should decrease quite a bit during uni term time. One has his driving test next week and I am really hoping he passes first time!

I would say it depends on the kids.. I grew up in a village & loved it. Ponies, the lot. Lived in a different village when my youngest kids were small, then we went REALLY rural. Some of the kids liked gaming & weren't too bothered about going anywhere other than the odd day in a market town or going to the beach (5 miles away). Youngest liked wandering the fields & spotting wildlife.
I don't drive but we had an hourly bus to a market town. School coaches to pick the kids up.
My mum got ill & we moved to the city, to be near her. House location now is quite urban. We're just as happy! Kids have joined a gym. Still get & encourage wildlife into the garden for the youngest!

Teens that don't like it just apply to universities in very urban areas. Children tend to enjoy it and then apply to universities that suit them depending upon whether they want to stay rural or head for the cities aged 17.

Much the same as kids who have been there all their lives in that respect, really. And at least they'd know both - it's much rarer for a kid whose only experience of greenery is a few sad looking Plane trees in one of the posher roads in their area to head off to agricultural college.

I'd love to live in a village. But I would not rely on there being a bus service now!

My husband and I both grew up rurally and we have vowed not to do the same for our children. There are some advantages to living rurally for sure but we can't get past the independent access to friends, sports, culture, jobs etc that they'll have living in a city. If we move out it'll be after the children have all left home.

My experience of village life was that people didn’t leave that much, maybe one a week to the nearest town
very idealistic!
I live in a village, I leave most days! We don't have a shop, or a school, or anywhere much to work. I'm not even that remote, Suffolk, 6 miles from nearest town and right on the A14. Village life 50 years ago was very different to village life now! I discussed moving to a town, or at least to a bigger village, with my now 18yr old when he was around 15 but he wasn't interested, said he'd hate it! He is good at cycling to places, I drive him too, and he took his driving test as soon as he was 17.

When I was 14 we moved to the back end of nowhere. We left a small town with good bus service, shops and libraries and I used the catch the train to the local big town with friends to see a movie.
We spend two years in a remote village which had one part time hours grocery and a church (not in the UK). It was a 40 min drive each way to school which either meant no after school activities, or even more driving . My mother got so sick of driving and having to entertain us we moved 2 years later to wonderful suburbia with local train station 5mins walk away.

Don't do it.

We live in a small city and are finding the bus services are going downhill, lots of buses cancelled, just not turning up. Must be worse in villages! I think if you massively prefer village life, or have a hobby like riding, it would be worth it. My children have friends who live out in the villages and have openly said thanks to me for living in a small city where they can have their independence from much younger; also easier to find work once they are 16 which fits around college. I think if you make the move, you have to drive them really, you have to accept there isn't going to be public transport, that said I have to drive mine quite a bit out to the villages to see their friends unless there's a bus...

We live very rurally. It was an amazing idyllic place to grow up for dc, I worried about teen years but my dc still love to come home to ride, hike and enjoy the peace when they can.

Their town based friends are now drinking in parks etc and there is a lot of anti social behaviour that my dc are not involved in at all. I am glad to be driving them around so I know they are safe and where they are (14/15) so for us it’s worked out so well for our teen dc. I do drive them and they have lots of friends to stay which I like as I get to know their friends. Eldest is 17 and now driving so it’s great! Best of both worlds. I would say my dc have retained a wholesome quality that is hard to achieve in the city. As everything is outside here even in the winter.
All dc have lots of friends both locally and surrounding areas.

I grew up in a town that appeared beautiful in the day and turned into a different place after dark with bored teens.

I live in a fairly rural area. The general consensus of everyone I know with children is it’s great with small kids, awful with teens. A few actively regret it