To ask your experience of moving to a rural location with children/ teens

[MumEeeee]

Dh and I are always tempted to move out the city. We grew up in villages, but not in the UK.

Friends keep saying to us how difficult it would be. We’d be driving them everywhere/ no facilities etc.

My experience of village life was that people didn’t leave that much, maybe one a week to the nearest town. There was a bus. One friend says I’m idealistic and what I remember has changed or doesn’t exist anymore. She’s a Londoner born and bred though…

So, if you made the move from
the city to a very rural location with teens and children- how did they take it?

Thanks

I was the teen whose parents moved to a rural location.

I don’t quite have the words to describe how miserable it was. I couldn’t even get to see my pony easily I like when we were in the town. It was just lonely and bleak and awful.

My poor dad driving me to my mates house twice a week, village to village!

My city is too convenient for everything my DD. We've talked about moving away but DD says she'd be bored. I'd be bored!

I wouldn’t do it. Absolutely no way.

I would also point out there is nothing to do in Suburbs apart from smoke weed in the park. Our large town is boring as well apart from a cinema and a very expensive VR place there is nothing for teens to do! In the country dc go wild swimming, play tennis, have big bbqs and parties in the garden, camping in the wild, quad bikes, riding and festivals - to be honest all town based friends like to come to us otherwise they hang out bored out of their minds walking around the same shops like hamsters on a wheel. It’s monotonous and costly to do anything.

I'm adding a plus one to everyone who has mentioned failing rural bus services. Our well-used village bus was recently canceled, with no replacement. It seems like, in the past, you would have dependable (if infrequent) service. But I would say that's not a given anymore. We're moving, as I would not rob my children of the opportunity for independence in their hobbies and friendships.

@Festoonlights
Good point, my kids seemed to stay younger for longer, if that makes sense. I suppose streetwise has it's place, but I'm sure my kids wouldn't have still been out playing in the snow in their teens if we'd lived in a city then! :-)

It’s another no here. Aged 14+ would hate it, they’re just gaining independence and want access to friends, shopping, cinemas, sports clubs, skate parks etc. And would need driving everywhere so they didn’t miss out.

Older teens like all the above plus access to nightlife (and I’d prefer them not to be driving down dark country lanes in the middle of the night, at least I know they can generally walk home with a friend or taxi distance). Also access to work once they are 15/16+.

I grew up rurally, really rural, 5 miles to the nearest shop, only 12 houses in our hamlet, over an hour to school. I loathed it. I could never meet up with friends, go to after school clubs, sports fixtures etc. I was bored to tears in the school holidays and felt so isolated and lonely.

I went to uni in London, quite deliberately and never went back. I’m still quite resentful of my parents about it even at 47.

Currently, I left the house at 5.30 for a 6pm swimming lesson, won't be home til 7.45. We are 15 miles from the town.

Our village has 3 trains a day and 4 buses I think which none run after 7pm so teens are restricted massively.

It is a romantic idea, if kids are run it's fab, safe etc but the older they get the worse the taxi service is for you. You can't move them and not facilitate their social lives, that would be cruel.

My experience of growing up in a (small) town then moving to complete rural isolation (no village for four miles from my house) was very upsetting at 12. My small hometown had friends I could walk to, a few shops, a primary school and this was fairly idyllic. It seems a bit different from your idea - moving to a village from a city, but if I were you, I would try to aim for a smaller town than complete rural. It’s good for teenagers to be able to have the independence of walking to see friends etc.

Overwhelming anti-rural then! I think it’s a different experience in the UK maybe, less village centred life. The village I lived in as a child still has a village life, my sister doesn’t even drive nor does my mum. I got a video just now for example of my sister singing in the village for a weekend event, with a full band. On the down side we were quite subsistent based, we grew food and raised animals… which cut down on shop visits I think. They still are growing a lot of day to day food, buying milk from the neighbours. I don’t miss long drop toilets or water from the well though… don’t think I’m too idealistic.

I do get the post from @Festoonlights though. I simply never did a dance class or extracurricular class, so maybe I’m not relating. I socialised mixed ages a lot I guess too. I was young for my age compared to here.

My grandparents lived in a region without roads, that was rural. To drive there you have to mainly drive up the stream to reach the village.

We live rurally and the DC always have. We've got the teen years to come. They are happy at 10 and 8 in their wee rural school. I think we'll need to buy ponies to keep them happy into secondary school though!

My dmum moved us from a city to somewhere very rural where there was only one bus a week on Market Day. It was horrific. It didn’t help that she refused to drive us anywhere too so we had to rely on our friends parents taking pity on us and collecting us. My brother used to hitch hike but I didn’t. I now live somewhere where there is two buses an hour into the main city near us and they start at 6am and finish after 11pm and that was pivotal in my decision to move here.

We have just moved out of a villiage location because of the limitations unless driving everywhere

We moved in pre kids thinking it would be ideal for a family, naice villiage, great school, clubs etc. but it's quite isolated, and since our youngest started school we have moved to a local, larger villiage to help with some of these issues

So it depends what's around and walkable

I grew up in a rural area and loved it, I was devastated when we moved into town. We have moved into a rural area again now with our own dd and are so pleased with the life she is able to have here. I never felt I missed out living more rural, hopefully she won't either. Our nearest town is only 3 miles away though and many of the teens here bike it through the forest trails etc with friends. I'm happy to drive dd about if she needs it anyway as I do think I will want to know where she is and that she will be home safe. I'm probably over protective.

Also, are teens ever happy with choices their parents make?! I suspect they may sometimes be hard to please!

I grew up rurally too and although I liked it as a teen, I did end up moving to London after university and have stayed here. I just prefer having everything on my doorstep - hobbies/sports etc for both myself and my DC. Though I do spend almost all the school holidays in the countryside - either camping or visiting my parents so the love of rural life hasn’t completely left me!

I think growing up rurally can be really lovely - - but probably only if you can really make the most of having more space and your DC are engaged with rural life. If you’re just always driving to the nearest town for every activity, then not sure it’s worth it.

Btw I’d disagree that rural teens are necessarily more wholesome - there was lots of underage sex and drinking in the village I grew up in- in part because there was nothing else to do. But then I lived near a village where there were some other teens. Maybe if you were so rural that you weren’t walking distance from a village, there’d be less opportunity for that.

I'm rural-ish. Local small town is 5 minutes away, nearest small city 35 mins away. No public transport worth speaking of. My kids grew up here, older son (17 now) was always frustrated that he didn't have friends locally to hang out with - he always wished he lived on a housing estate.

That has abated as he's grown older, he's close enough to walk in to meet his friends. I was reluctant to allow him to walk until recently as its a very busy B road with no footpaths or lighting. Having said that, teens around here don't seem to meet up all that often. I don't know if it's online gaming or Covid but his friends don't have the same desire to meet face to face that we did. He seems happy enough. I do spend half my life in the car, dropping into sports training, whatever activities they're in, school runs etc.

I'd agree with PP that my kids seem to be 'younger' for longer. Oldest is 17 and he's only been drinking a handful of times. Covid would have been a huge part of that though. It's very reassuring to think how safe they are when they're out.

Younger son has ASD & is non verbal. I can't imagine how families with similarly disabled children cope in cities. The freedom & lack of worry about neighbours has been fantastic. No noise complaints etc. He has absconded on about 3 occasions & it was locals who found him & brought him home. The community has been good to us. My DH is a local though, I'm the blow-in. That made a huge difference, it wouldn't have been the same if we were both strangers.

I wouldn’t recommend it, we live in a city now, much more convenient.

With teens wait a few years.. worst age to move rurally

I didn't move with teenagers but they grew up in a village with no public transport and friends scattered in other villages for miles.
They got a school bus to school.
I was acutely aware of the drawbacks for teenagers and didn't want them to resent living here. The price for that is driving them everywhere until they learn to drive the minute they are 17. Lots of lifts.
There is one big difference from when we grew up and that is that a lot of socialising can be done online. But not sports, clubs, birthdays and general meeting up with friends.
Another bonus is that you always know where they are, where their friends live etc.

Not with teens but when we first got married we bought a house rurally. I have no idea what we were thinking. As soon as DD was born we took a massive loss and sold up to live in town. I hated being car dependent all the time especially with a child as I couldn't just go for a walk to the shops or walk to get a coffee. Or get takeaway delivered lol. We needed to be able to have two cars whereas we only need one now and for example today and yesterday we have not used the car at all.

My parents moved us from a housing estate in a small city to proper country just before my last year in primary school.

My younger brother did ok because he was able to join the local football team and made lots of friends that way. I was miserable. There was nothing for me to do and no one my age around within walking distance. Buses were not an option either. It was a long 7 years until my friends started driving and we could escape for a bit.
I wouldn’t do that to my kids if you paid me.

They will hate it. You will not just leave village once a week for supplies you will be in car 24/7 for one thing and another. Dc will perhaps not have as many opportunities as in rural areas you don't always have the facilities or you will spend all your time driving them to nearest town/city because getting there on public transport is not an option.