To ask your experience of moving to a rural location with children/ teens

[MumEeeee]

Dh and I are always tempted to move out the city. We grew up in villages, but not in the UK.

Friends keep saying to us how difficult it would be. We’d be driving them everywhere/ no facilities etc.

My experience of village life was that people didn’t leave that much, maybe one a week to the nearest town. There was a bus. One friend says I’m idealistic and what I remember has changed or doesn’t exist anymore. She’s a Londoner born and bred though…

So, if you made the move from
the city to a very rural location with teens and children- how did they take it?

Thanks

God no way. Grew up in a village with utterly shit bus service.. So so limiting just at the age you want to spread your wings you can’t. sadly most years at least one lad was killed in road accident whizzing round the country lanes.

We live in a lively small city with lots going on. They can cycle to countryside and often go river /lake swimming under their own steam so best of both worlds. Most young teen girls want to meet their friends in cafes and mooch round vintage shops and look at boys. A lonely bike ride isn’t really the same.

I grew up rurally and whilst we appeared outwardly less grown up as we lacked street smarts the amount of drinking, drugs and sex far outnumbered our suburban friends, I look back in horror now!

I wouldn't do it. I grew up in the countryside and was so lonely - I longed for friends. I'm bringing my children up in London and am so glad I am - it's so easy for them, and we get out to the countryside regularly so they see both sides.

We moved from a city to a village. Was lovely when our eldest was a baby/toddler. Whilst pregnant with number 2 we moved completely rural.

It was beautiful, but it wasn't long before eldest became bored and we were constantly in the car going here there and everywhere. The novelty of the enormous garden, country walks etc wore off.

Relocated to a rural market town for our forever home, absolutley perfect!

Kids walk to school with friends, lots of lovely places to eat out, small selection of independent shops, lots of groups and activities, great community and all the perks of the countryside but with regular buses and freedom for the the kids.

Unless your teens are passionate about a rural pursuit like riding or are contented introvert homebody types (ie not your average teen) then they will pretty much hate it.

I grew up in a small village in the north west. The village has a train station and back then a station master and waiting room with an open fire in winter. It was on a main train line so i took the train to school and my friends and I were allowed to get the train by ourselves for "going out" from the age of 13. We went shopping on Saturdays and when we were older to the theatre, clubbing and further a field to the north wales coast for days out. We went all over - Manchester, Leeds, York, Chester. Loved it 🥰

I'm sure my kids wouldn't have still been out playing in the snow in their teens if we'd lived in a city then

Really? I didn’t live in a city but was in a town that loads of people think should be a city. Every time it snowed heavy enough there was enough snow to play in I was outside immediately, one of my favourite memories is from when I was in year 11, so 15 I think, and we had heavy snow for a whole week, no school and just spending most the day outside with my friends in the snow.

Even now as an adult I’m excited about the snow and grateful my dog loves it as much as me so I can use her as an excuse to go out and play 😂

Actually that reminds me that I had my first cigarette aged 9 and saw porn around the same age as we were mixing with a wider age range because of lack of kids my age, including quite a bit older boys.

We moved to a rural area and my sister and I were teens at secondary. Our parents did drive us around a bit but we went to a grammar school so we had 2 hours of homework every night. I was bullied later (nothing to do with living rurally) and I actually loved being able to completely separate school and home. We also had a dog so being able to walk the dog in the local fields was a real escapism for me and I loved it. I would say do it but really make the most of family time together... encourage your teens to enjoy their surroundings, the countryside, your garden etc and it will be fine. Looking back, I feel really blessed and so lucky that we moved to a rural area.

We moved from London when I was 10, so I had my teens in a good size town in Dorset. I prefered it, and had a lot more independence than I would have had in london. But I was so grateful we lived in town and there was a good bus service. I would have been very different in a village or more rural!

My teenager years were spent growing up rurally.

We had a bus twice a week or it’s a two mile walk to the other bus stop.
Everyone learnt to drive as soon as they could.
My parents had to drive us everywhere. I hated relying on them for lifts. Couldn’t just get a taxi either. Not as available and need to be booked in advanced.
School bus took an hour.
My parents have to drive to get everything, even milk.

I liked my village in summer, hanging out my friends, we’d be out all day. Snow days were also fun.

Wouldn’t want to live there now.

I'm sure my kids wouldn't have still been out playing in the snow in their teens if we'd lived in a city then

All the teenagers in our London street were out playing when we had a large snowfall a couple of years ago.

I did it a few years ago when the youngest 3 were little and the eldest 12 or 13. Little ones are 11,12 and 16.
we’re moving back to town this month.
it didn’t work for us but that doesn’t mean it won’t for you :)

It can be quite isolating for teens unless you're willing to ferry them around. Even offering to pay for cabs doesn't always solve that if they're hard to get.

Then you need to pay for driving lessons and a car as soon as they're old enough.

In my experience there was quite a bit of drunk driving or 8 kids crammed in a polo as they wanted to go out and not pay for cabs.

Honestly, I wouldn't choose to be a rural living teen and if my parents chose to move I'd have resented them (rather than growing up rurally).

I grew up rurally. And live rurally. As a teenager I walked A LOT, my brothers cycled. Walking 3 hours to go to a house party wasn’t unusual. I also had older friends in the nearby village that drove which helped. I live less rurally now but a smaller community and DS hasn’t reached that age. People talk about it being a problem but it isn’t. I won’t lie, I longed to leave the countryside as a teen but as soon as I did I longed to return. I lived in two major UK cities and a big capital city abroad, I don’t get it. There isn’t significantly more to do in a city, I still had to travel to the nearest cinema/theatre/comedy club or whatever (just as I do in the country), and there are more crowds. I live in a touristy area now, which has its cons, but this time of year there are so many happy tourists on holiday when I stroll through the village it’s enough to give me a warm fuzzy feeling.

I was a teen in a village. It was isolating and shit.

We have always lived rurally and have teenagers, so not quite what you are asking. But when they were small we moved from a village with no public transport to a larger one nearer to town with a regular bus service, which increases your options.
Yes, I do a fair amount of ferrying about but there’s communication between parents and we share responsibility. If I’m picking up kids it’s usually several and I do drop offs and diversions to nearby villages on the way home. Sleep overs are also popular!

I grew up in a small town and vowed I'd not do that to my children. No decent public transport (a bus every four hours) and no café to meet friends in. And school had a huge catchment area so friends lived miles away (see above note about rural buses 🙄). We live in a smallish provincial city, so much to do locally, they've had opportunities that I didn't purely due to location. Older teen DD confidentiality gets buses and trains independently as she needs to. Younger DD does a slightly niche sport and we have facilities for this a couple of miles away. Both DD have several friends within easy walking distance of our house. Both are glad that we live in a small city. And the countryside is a ten minute drive away when we want a country walk.

I grew up rurally. I didn't know any different but, looking back, I can't believe how lonely & bored I was. It was really limiting too. I did no extra curricular activities other than those provided by school. My nearest friend lived a 30 min drive away and the only way of getting there by public transport was a 2 mile walk to the nearest bus stop, a bus in the wrong direction to the local town, a bus back again towards her village and then another mile walk. And there were only a couple of days a week when both of those buses ran! I was entirely dependent on parent taxi services and they often had other things to do (like go to work!).
We now live in a large village which is a 5 min drive or 30 min safe walk to a small town (20 mins if you cut through the woods but I don't let the DC do that if they're alone). There's also a bus a 5 min walk away which goes every 20 mins or so into a larger town. Crucially for me, there's enough other people in the village that the DC always have another child from their year doing pretty much whatever extra curricular activity they're doing and so a lot of lift shares happen. It just makes life so much easier. The location also means that there's a wide range of sports teams and other activities so, whatever the DC want to do, they can do it relatively easily.
Even where we are, I envy friends who live in the town centre and whose children have been pretty independent since starting secondary school.

There is always a lot of hysteria on MN about teens in villages, I live and grew up in a rural county, in villages, as did all my friends and whilst it was a bit frustrating at times as teens, it really wasn’t that bad.

I think the key thing is though, we are all outdoorsy people, into horses, farming, YFC etc so living in a town or city wouldn’t have worked for us. As adults with our own children, we now all still live rurally.

So I think the key thing is, if your teens are outdoorsy/ into ‘country’ pursuits, then they probably would enjoy it, if they’re into cinema/ shopping etc then no I daresay they wouldn’t enjoy it.

I grew up in a large city with lots of facilities and a great nightlife, but I spent all my spare time reading on my parents’ sofa. How your children will take it depends on their temperament as much as anything.

I grew up rurally and I liked it as a child but absolutely hated it as a teen - and my parents did absolutely tonnes of ferrying me about, it would have been much worse otherwise. Moving with children who are already teens seems like all the downside with no upside to me. DH (who grew up in a town) has a bit of a rural dream, but I absolutely refuse to live anywhere with no public transport and where you have to drive to buy milk, ever again.

I'd also think about the long-term for you, especially if you'll be priced out of ever moving back. I'm really worried about my parents growing older where they live, it's utterly unsuitable and their village is full of very isolated elderly people.

There’s a certain character building quality to having to walk 5 miles home from a sleepover (or ‘gathering’) in your party get up at 11am the next day. I think there is something faintly farcical about teens in the countryside (I’m thinking about This Country) but that’s not always a bad thing.

Actually my favourite episode of This Country is the one where Kerry and Kurtan watch tv in the kitchen waiting for a frozen pizza to cook because it somehow encapsulated my experience of being a rural teenager. Vaguely killing time in a totally unstructured way until the bus is due/your mum can come and get you 😂😂😂 I’m quite nostalgic about it really.

I grew up in a tiny village, from the age of about 12. It was AWFUL. I preferred being at boarding school to being at home, as at least then I could see my friends. I had a friend who lived in the next village some of the time (her parents mainly lived in London, this was their second home) and I used to ride my pony over there. Which sounds nice, but it was along a road all the way - and I could never look 'nice' because I'd ridden there. My parents mostly refused to drive me anywhere, ever. It was incredibly depressing. I read a lot, and passed my driving test literally as soon as I was able, but the school holidays were a miserable time (and I hated it so much that I did everything I could to avoid going back to that house for about six or seven years afterwards.)

We've constantly got rural dwelling teens kipping here after nights out. It's fine but I wouldn't want the logistical challenges of being out in the sticks - last night an out of towner had a party and I was driving round country lanes at midnight trying to find the house to collect DD when I'd much rather have been in bed. I imagine the DCs parents spend more time doing the journey in reverse. At least if mine go out they can get a bus or a cab home easily most of the time.