To ask how the hell you sleep through newborn noises?

[Greentartanbow01]

DC is 10 days old and in our room, they’re SO noisy in their crib throughout the night, making grunting, squealing, gurgling noises. There’s no reflux that we’re aware of, they’re burped well and kept upright for 20 mins after feeds. They make all these noises but everytime I jump up and look at them, they’re asleep!

I know they say you have to have them in your room for the first 6 months but honestly, I’m going to struggle as we’re just not getting any sleep!!

I wear foam ear plugs which seem to do FA at muffling the sounds. I’m terrified of SIDS so really want to keep them in our room for 6 months but it’s getting to the point of us being on our knees through sleep exhaustion and they don’t even cry through the night and only have 3 feeds from 10pm-7am which only last about 35-40 mins so we should easily be able to get some hours in but can’t because of these noises.

Is this normal? How did other people cope if so?

Oh can people please get over themselves with the patronising ‘you’ll look back and laugh that you thought 10 days sleep deprivation was a lot’

I’m well aware you get less sleep as a parent, but I must have lucky friends and family as only a couple of them had ‘bad sleepers’ and were chronically sleep deprived, the others all had good sleepers and therefore did manage 5 hours or so a night which is sustainable snd ensures you’re safe to look after a child during the day.

My baby so far is a GOOD feeder and sleeper, no colic, reflux, they sleep for very long periods which should mean that we can also sleep for long periods if needdd, but we can’t due to these noises, so we’re averaging about an hour or 2 a night which ISN’T sustainable long term.

I can’t stand the martyrdom surrounding motherhood on this site sometimes, it’s so utterly misogynistic. Literally unless you’re giving birth under a tree with no pain relief and only getting 1 hours sleep a night for 10 years then you can’t call yourself a mother 🙄Heaven forbid some people do actually manage to get a few hours sleep once they become a parent and y’know, have more of an enjoyable time of it.

Its like some kind of sick joke isn’t it! I get you OP I’ve been there with DD. I had no idea they were so noisy when sleeping. I was so tired I was wired with adrenaline so I was on red alert to every little noise. She was born via EMCS and the midwife said it because they don’t get squeezed in the birth canal, CS babies tend to be more mucousy and noisy. (Sounds plausible)

The beautiful next to me type crib that I intended for sleepily rolling over and BFing her and popping her back swiftly got relegated to the other and of the room with a youtube white noise on a loop on DHs phone all night to drown her out. You kind of get so tired that you just sleep through it.

with my second I slept great, I was much more relaxed. I used headspace app a lot to get in a relaxed mood for sleep.

It will get better though x

White noise does help a huge amount, but honestly it's just a baptism of fire - nothing can prepare you for the lack of sleep and exhaustion that comes from a tiny baby, and just for expectation management it will last for many months at least

However it does pass and then you can wear it as a badge of honour and write pointy comments on threads like this on mumsnet as the naivety of new parents gives you a tiny slither of an opportunity to get some release from the trauma that those early months still have for most parents

I now have a 7 week old and you just get use to it. 10 days old is normal to be woken like that! They also need to be woken every 2-3 hours for a feed if they are sleeping too much at night. Our DD makes noises and I don't even think it's that bad, I think rather cute to know she's ok next to us. It's just something they do.

Yes 6 months is the minimum for them to sleeping next to you... don't wish it away, they will be old before you know it !

My kids always slept in their own room as babies. We tried having our firstborn in our bedroom but he was so noisy we only lasted one night. He is now 18. Our second was in hospital for 3 weeks but as soon as he got home we put him into his own room. With a baby monitor obviously.

Didn't do either of them any harm.

@Greentartanbow01

That is why I put baby number 1 in the next room to sleep. From very early. It seemed mental to me that my baby was sleeping for a solid 4-6 hours between feeds whilst I lay awake hearing him grunt like a pig all night. Was great when we moved him we all slept solidly and he was sleeping straight through by 12 weeks.

Baby number 2 and 3 also slept for solid chunks inbetween feeds so don’t listen to all the baby doom merchants.

I have amazing rubber earplugs for sleeping (from eBay) or noise cancelling headphones (I have Sony ones, best money I ever spent)!

My baby sounds like a truffle pig when she sleeps and she also went through a phase of hours of loud grunting & straining to fart in the early hours of the morning.

She’s 8 weeks old and to start with we woke up a lot, but I now sleep through it all except when she starts making hungry noises (sucking her hands) which magically rouse me even though they’re objectively not that loud.

Yeah this. We had little one in the moses downstairs while the other one slept upstairs, was the only way we could get decent blocks of sleep.

It's not misogynistic to say you get used to the odd noises. Couple more weeks and your brain recognises 'normal' noises and ignores them. You can't rush it. Catch up on sleep when you can and don't worry about it.

Dd1 in our room for 6 months. Dd2 for 3 nights.

Them? Do you have two babies? Solidarity! Must be tough.

I found I got used to it pretty quickly with DS. We were out and about so much in the day walking (lockdown) for fresh air and sanity, and so tired, that newborn snuffles weren't a problem after a week.

You do admittidly sound a bit sleep deprived 😂

Along with the other suggestions, getting out of the 'through solidarity we will do everything together' mindset might help. One of you should at a minimum be able to sleep at any point in time and take turns. Whether that is turns at night, or sleep in a different room and then take over during the day where you can catch up on sleep. There can never be perfect symmetry if you are bf - but finding other ways to survive is essential especially in early days whilst you are establishing a new routine

You do sound like you need sleep, you sound so angry. There are solutions like spare room or couch if you don't have one so try to calm down and think logically about it. Congratulations on your baby, I really miss those noises as it goes haha

I couldn't, so in the old days, MN bad advice warning, warning, warning, I moved them to their own rooms at a couple a weeks old.

Yeah I remember this, it was like bringing a tiny velociraptor home. Managed 12 days and then moved him into his own room which was next to ours. Slept with all doors open and got up and down constantly because I was so worried about SIDS. It probably benefited DH more than me because I had heart-racing fear at several points in the night so I had to check on him so overall didn’t get much more sleep tbh.

I actually used earplugs. I woke when they were crying but not when they breathed/ snuffled/ fidgeted. It might not be the “right” thing to do but I was desperate.

I am sleep deprived, yes, hence posting.

DH and I are going to do shifts from tonight, but he’s back to work in 8 days time, so it’ll be fine to do until then but not particularly feasible after.

Again, I don’t expect to get 8 hours of sleep, in fact I haven’t got 8 hours of sleep in years as I’m not the best sleeper anyway, but when my baby is sleeping for 3/4 hour chunks, it would be nice if I could also sleep in 3/4 hour chunks. If they were crying, waking constantly to be fed and changed etc then as I’ve said, that’s different, but they’re fast asleep, just making SO much noise whilst they are. I am such a light sleeper, I really struggle to sleep with any noise, I think that’s the problem. DH is similar but not as bad as me, but it’s keeping him awake too as it is loud.

I want to do everything I can to protect my child from SID’s, but I also do need some sleep in the next 6 months in order to be able to function and safely look after them during the day when DH is at work.

Perhaps baby will quieten down over the next month or so, perhaps we’ll get used to the noises or perhaps I’ll just eventually get so sleep deprived I’ll be able to sleep through the noises.

I just wondered if anyone else had had similar and whether it was normal/ how long it lasted, I didn’t need patronising, smug ‘haha as if you think you’ll get any sleep’ (when I know that, actually, unless you have a bad sleeper, plenty of people DO get sleep)

Are you waking because of the noises or because you’re worried about her?

We are hard wired to protect them even when we’re asleep.

I found this more difficult than the crying as I was constantly checking on my baby making sure she was still breathing.

In the end I got a monitor which sounded an alarm if she ever stopped breathing (you just have to remember to turn it off when you take the baby out to feed) but she never stopped breathing, it was just my anxiety from being a new mum. But it did allow me to sleep a bit better.

If DH is a good sleep can you move the crib further away from your side.

Has it been like this since she was born or is it more recent?

It’s not ideal but I’d take in turns going to bed early/having naps in the evening so at least you’re both getting some sleep.

Do you have a spare room?
Maybe for now you could take in turns sleeping in the spare room or sofa.

It’s normal. Lots have gone through it. We all survived. The noises do go away.

You know the baby is safest with you, you regulate their breathing etc. It seems like you’re looking for approve to put in own room. Only you can assess that risk. It wasn’t one I was willing to do. I learned to dose and sleep through the day. Can’t even remember it now tbh and she’s only 1. I think you need to reassess your expectations at this early stage.

Nobody is patronising you. They're just saying 'yes, this is what it's like, it's shit'. Because, for most people, it is.

Can you take it in turns to sleep in another room?

Otherwise you do just get used to it, I’m afraid. And as others said, you get tired enough that you do. I think as you’re only a few days in your still in your pre baby “sleep personality” - I never used to be able to fall asleep during the day before children, but I learnt, and 13 years in I’m still able to should the opportunity arise.

Such helpful and empathetic advice

But yes my babies (now 13 and 8) were similar. Especially the 13 yo (nearly 14 in fact).

They’re both still quite loud so if we ever have to share a hotel room (for example) I go for silicone earplugs. They’re too blocking to use when you have a newborn though as they’ll block the actual crying.