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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He lives in my house, should he pay rent?

100 replies

Izzy21 · 27/08/2022 18:16

My bf of 10 years moved in with me 8 years ago. He just got divorced and I was single with my own place. We pay equally into an account in my name for bills but I have no mortgage . I have no savings as every spare penny went into paying off my mortgage. He has a nice car and earns slightly more than I do. Am I being unreasonable to ask him to pay rent? He says if we split up then i keep the property, which is true, but as I spent all my money on the mortgage I have no money to spend on a nice car or nice holiday. Meanwhile he lives rent free.

OP posts:
Testina · 27/08/2022 18:19

Has he been sponging off you for 8 years, or has your relative financial situations changed recently? If the former, I vote don’t take any rent off him - it’s not fair to charge rent to an ex boyfriend who no longer lives with you 😉

GoneWithTheWine1 · 27/08/2022 18:20

Why can't he treat you to a nice hoilday?

HyggeandTea · 27/08/2022 18:23

When did you pay off your mortgage?

DPotter · 27/08/2022 18:24

Yes of course he should pay rent - rent isn't just about who owns the property at the end of the day. Home ownership doesn't finish with paying the mortgage - there's up keep of the property, re-decoration, wear and tear on carpets, and furniture, replacing the fridge when it stops working etc.

He would have to pay rent or a mortgage if he lived elsewhere - so he should be paying you for the privilege of living under the same roof.

He owes you thousands if he's been living with you for 8 years rent free.

What you have here Izzy is a 100% gold plated cocklodger.

Move him out or get him to pay the rent plus all the years he hasn't paid you.

DenholmElliot1 · 27/08/2022 18:25

Yes he should pay you rent

How unbelievably lucky for him that he just got divorced and he met you who had your own place 😉

Testina · 27/08/2022 18:27

DenholmElliot1 · 27/08/2022 18:25

Yes he should pay you rent

How unbelievably lucky for him that he just got divorced and he met you who had your own place 😉

Yes, he asked the universe for that one, huh? 🤣

Crunchymum · 27/08/2022 18:27

How much has he been paying you for the past 8 years? Who covers household improvements / household purchases?

Castleheights · 27/08/2022 18:31

Omg of course he should bloody pay you rent.
what a selfish entitled little cunty chops he is.
Rent isn’t free just because someone has already fucking well paid it !

BambinaJAS · 27/08/2022 18:32

Izzy21 · 27/08/2022 18:16

My bf of 10 years moved in with me 8 years ago. He just got divorced and I was single with my own place. We pay equally into an account in my name for bills but I have no mortgage . I have no savings as every spare penny went into paying off my mortgage. He has a nice car and earns slightly more than I do. Am I being unreasonable to ask him to pay rent? He says if we split up then i keep the property, which is true, but as I spent all my money on the mortgage I have no money to spend on a nice car or nice holiday. Meanwhile he lives rent free.

Your post is a bit confusing.

You say you are mortgage free now but you want him to pay rent because in the past you had little money (because it went to the mortgage).

Your boyfriend is correct in saying that your mortgage payments went to the equity in the house.

Also: be careful about thinking him "paying you rent" informally is a good idea. Without an actual contract he could potentially have a claim on your property if you would have done that in the past.

I do however find it a bit bizarre that you want to charge your boyfriend of 8 years rent now after you paid off the mortgage.

After 8 years, you should be able to talk about finances and budgeting in a more coherent way. This feels more like "mine" and "yours", with no "ours". What is the point of a relationship if you both operate that way?

user1471457751 · 27/08/2022 18:36

It depends on whether you want him to potentially build up an interest in your house and to be able to claim a share of it if you were to spilt. If you don't, then no, he shouldn't be paying anything like rent or into home improvements.

One way of looking at it is you wouldn't have been able to pay as much on your mortgage if he wasn't there paying half the bills. So really you have both benefitted from this arrangement.

Fireyflies · 27/08/2022 18:44

I wouldn't charge rent to a partner who shared my room if I wasn't paying rent or mortgage myself. You're still benefiting from the uplift in the value of your house and he has nothing, and surely your disposable income is about to increase now you've paid off the mortgage? Make him pay half the bills - they're about to sky rocket,!

MrsWooster · 27/08/2022 18:46

He’s never paid towards mortgage /rent, merely towards consumable expenses?

100% gold plated cocklodger.

Meraas · 27/08/2022 18:46

Yes he should pay rent. Cocklodger alert. He is saving money at YOUR expense.

NotMyDust · 27/08/2022 18:51

I cant work out whether he's a cocklodger or in a very vulnerable situation i.e no stake in anything

Hotandbothereds · 27/08/2022 18:55

Yes he should pay rent, he’s got a right cushty life but why have you waited this long to address this?

If you have no mortgage to pay why can’t you afford a nice car or holiday? What does your money go on?

houseonthehill · 27/08/2022 18:59

He shouldn't pay tent now, no. If he lived with you during the time you were paying off the mortgage, he should have paid then. But it would have been reasonable in those circumstances that he acquired some interest in the property while doing so.

houseonthehill · 27/08/2022 18:59

Rent, not tent.

vivainsomnia · 27/08/2022 19:03

Of course not! You've been together 8 years, surely that's reached the stage of commitment, not just being lodgers.

You've paid your mortgage, good on you. You now have a good bit of capital. It's fair that he should save towards some form of capital too. If he wants to waste it, that's his choice.

FitAt50 · 27/08/2022 19:15

When did you pay off the mortgage, was it before he moved in 8 years ago? If not did he pay half of it as a contribution towards the bills?

houseonthehill · 27/08/2022 19:55

cocklodger

How is he a cocklodger, by the way? He works, earns and pays his share of bills if I understand correctly.

Firty · 27/08/2022 20:09

I wouldn’t charge a lover rent in a mortgage free house I owned. I’d be worried if we broke up he could claim he has equity in the property, and more importantly it doesn’t feel like a couple thing to do.

I get that it sucks he has more spending money than you do, but your money is ‘in the house’ and going up in value, he’s wasting his.

Tricky one, and needs to feel more balanced. Maybe the real issue is that you’re looking after him but he isn’t looking after you? Your money is working to give him free shelter, how is his working for you?

maddiemookins16mum · 27/08/2022 20:50

Imagine if this was a bloke talking about his female partner. Bet the responses would be different.

WTHamIreading · 27/08/2022 21:14

If you’ve paid off the mortgage, how are you not saving now you no longer have mortgage payments to make?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 27/08/2022 21:15

Don't you have a job to build up your own savings now your mortgage is paid?

Itloggedmeoutagain · 27/08/2022 21:34

If this was the other way round all the responses would be up in arms if your boyfriend wanted to charge you rent. They'd all be saying no that's not fair because he could kick you out tomorrow and you'd have nothing. They'd all be telling you to put the equivalent that you'd be paying in rent into a savings account in your name only just in case that happens.

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