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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He lives in my house, should he pay rent?

100 replies

Izzy21 · 27/08/2022 18:16

My bf of 10 years moved in with me 8 years ago. He just got divorced and I was single with my own place. We pay equally into an account in my name for bills but I have no mortgage . I have no savings as every spare penny went into paying off my mortgage. He has a nice car and earns slightly more than I do. Am I being unreasonable to ask him to pay rent? He says if we split up then i keep the property, which is true, but as I spent all my money on the mortgage I have no money to spend on a nice car or nice holiday. Meanwhile he lives rent free.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 28/08/2022 00:32

No I would not charge rent if I were mortgage free, that is pure profiteering not sharing costs. I don’t really understand the situation though, such as when was the mortgage paid and why you don’t have money now. I couldn’t live like this for eight years, sharing a home with someone but coveting their nice car.

maddening · 28/08/2022 00:36

Rent your place out and joint rent another place, paying as per earning proportions.

2bazookas · 28/08/2022 00:40

No dear, stop being so greedy demanding and entitled. Just go and finish ironing his shirts, then make his tea and give him a blow job while he watches TV. Have you cleaned his shoes yet? Chop chop.

Glitterbomber · 28/08/2022 00:40

Sorry I think YABU

He’s contributing to the overall bills, luckily for you both there’s no mortgage or rent factored into that.

You say you can’t afford a holiday as all your money went on the mortgage, surely you could both have a holiday with the money that you’re both now saving being rent/mortgage free?

Pumpkinbite · 28/08/2022 00:48

Let him go find another place to live and then he can try that ‘but you own the house’ argument on his landlord.

Ponderingwindow · 28/08/2022 00:52

independent adults have to pay living expenses. No self-respecting adult would move in and expect free housing. Why did you even let him on the door?

spirit20 · 28/08/2022 00:53

This is actually a really tricky situation especially given that you've paid off the mortgage.

Absolutely do not charge him rent without getting legal advice first. Remember you'll have to pay tax on any rental income over a certain period and more importantly, it would make your relationship into a landlord and tenant, or a lodger, relationship and this could cause issues if the relationship suddenly ended and you wanted him to leave. If you didn't register officially as a landlord but he still paid you money that could be seen as rent, you could be in a lot of trouble if it was suddenly discovered that you had undeclared income. I don't think he would be entitled to a stake in the property though as there's no way he could claim he had contributed to mortgage repayments etc.

Honestly, If I were in his case, I wouldn't be willing to pay rent to a partner if they had already paid off their mortgage and were essentially making a profit from being in a relationship with me. I'd feel I was being taken advantage of, especially if the area/property was a nicer and more expensive area than what I would have chosen for myself.

If I were going to pay rent, I'd want to ensure I had rights equal to what I would have if I were renting an actual property (e.g. a lease, notice period, right to complain and have repairs done etc.).

But then again, I know I would also feel resentful if I were letting someone live rent free in a property that I had paid for.

Might it be better for him to move out into his own place? Or he tries and buy a place which he then rents out and you then share the rental income?

oneOff12 · 28/08/2022 00:56

I think the question is less about paying rent and more about what happens with the rest of your money. You shouldn’t be living disproportionate lifestyles after 8 years. I think you should pool your money and work out how to spend equally whether that be on cars/ holidays etc

Skyeheather · 28/08/2022 00:58

Why have you waited eight years before you started to think that he should pay you rent?

Surely if you have now paid off your mortgage you can now put the equivalent away in a savings account to spend on a nice car or a holiday (are you planning on going on this holiday alone? Or will you be going with your bf and paying half each? Has he been having nice holidays every year and not taking you because you can't afford it?).

If you both split up tomorrow, you still have your home and a roof over your head. Assuming he has lots of savings he would be able to leave straight away as he has plenty of money for a deposit and rent?

After eight years together what are your plans for the future? I'm wondering if you've had enough of him thinking about this now?

Ottersmith · 28/08/2022 01:01

Don't marry him though. Just stay as partners so you can keep your house.

Tiani4 · 28/08/2022 01:42

I would do a lodger arrangement as resident landlord at below market rent level. It will be tax free

www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home/the-rent-a-room-scheme

That will help build up savings so you have available money for eg costs of repairs on your house so you can build up savings that you will need.
Your bf would have had to pay far higher and is living off of you. And has been for 8 years. I wish I could have a nice house I lived in for 50% of monthly household bills. Rent or mortgage is by far the biggest outlay as is upkeep of a property. Things like kitchens, boilers, windows and bathrooms and roof tiles tend to need replacing. They are not cheap.

ItsDinah · 28/08/2022 01:57

Not sure what Shelter would say about the lodger having to share a bed with the landlord/landlady.

DitzyBluebells · 28/08/2022 02:05

No he shouldn't. Either keep control of the property by keeping it in your name only and don't try to make money off him. Or have him buy you out for 50% of the current value, which he can get a mortgage for, and accept you have to split the property if you break up. Or I guess you could rent your home out and buy/rent elsewhere with him, that would be fair too. You can't have your cake and eat it.

He didn't decide you should spend all your money on a mortgage, you decided that, you can't blame him for the consequences of your actions and it's unfair to get jealous of his disposable income because he made a different choice than you did.

NumberTheory · 28/08/2022 03:28

I would be uncomfortable charging a lover rent, but if you’re providing accommodation for the two of you, he should be providing something else (assuming reasonably similar incomes/wealth levels).

Trying20 · 28/08/2022 03:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

Knackeredmommy · 28/08/2022 04:03

Surely it would have made sense when you were struggling paying off your mortgage to ask him to contribute a bit more then? Now you're mortgage free won't you have more money for cars and holidays? In 8 years, have you not travelled together? I wouldn't get him to pay rent but I'd be disappointed if my partner saw me struggling and didn't offer to help me out if they could.

xanadu88 · 28/08/2022 04:09

You've been together 8 years and he is talking about if you split up you get the house????

If he doesn't pay rent, then he pays for meals out, entertainment, holidays, etc. your shopping...

Or rent out your house, and go rent a new house with him and split everything.

mamabeeboo · 28/08/2022 04:22

MN is weird one. Plenty here saying he doesn't have to pay rent because you're mortgage free. Go over to another thread and MN are happy to charge their children rent because "we are all contributing adults now". I don't get it.

OP, who pays for other stuff in the house. Food, bills, council tax etc? Because though the mortgage is paid off, there's plenty he can contribute to, to ease the cost.

Teardroprain · 28/08/2022 05:30

My DP owns the house no mortgage. I don't pay rent, we never even discussed it. But I pay bills and groceries. I do not begrudge this. My DP gets a good deal, no rent or mortgage to pay and most bills paid. Even with paying bills I feel I am getting a good deal because I am not paying rent too. My outgoings are still fairly low. I have been able to save money should we ever split up.

anotherbrewplease · 28/08/2022 05:41

We pay equally into an account in my name for bills but I have no mortgage

Am I missing something? It looks like you share all bills and expenses with him, so why are you wanting 'rent' when you've paid off your mortgage?

And why is everyone saying he's a 'cocklodger' when he's paying half the bills?

NumberTheory · 28/08/2022 06:24

anotherbrewplease · 28/08/2022 05:41

We pay equally into an account in my name for bills but I have no mortgage

Am I missing something? It looks like you share all bills and expenses with him, so why are you wanting 'rent' when you've paid off your mortgage?

And why is everyone saying he's a 'cocklodger' when he's paying half the bills?

Because OP put all her spare cash for years into a lovely house that her and the boyfriend live in. Boyfriend put all his spare cash (which he has more of than he would have because he doesn’t have to pay for housing) into a flash car and (it sounds like) holidays, which OP does not get to share.

If Boyfriend had also put it into property and rented that put to someone else and got extra cash from that but didn’t share it with OP, that would seem unreasonable wouldn’t it? Instead his money is in consumable, but OP’s still providing for him in a way that he is not reciprocating.

Simonjt · 28/08/2022 06:43

No, he already pays half of the household costs, he has zero stake in the home so I don’t think he should pay rent, I would think the same if you did still have a mortgage. He has zero security and could be made homeless by you tomorrow. If you have zero rights to a property (so not on mortgage or don’t have a secure tenancy) then paying rent is putting yourself in an extremely vulnerable position as it is likely stopp

Simonjt · 28/08/2022 06:44

Ing the person from gaining enough in savings to pay a rental deposit quickly, self store etc if they are made homeless.

houseonthehill · 28/08/2022 10:27

It's pretty bizarre to charge a partner for use of an asset you own outright. But it's given me the idea of insisting my partner pays half the fuel plus taxi fare each time we go somewhere in the car. She'd be a fannylodger otherwise, right?

Getoff · 28/08/2022 10:34

Am I missing something? It looks like you share all bills and expenses with him, so why are you wanting 'rent' when you've paid off your mortgage?

If they are each paying their own way, he should pay for the value of the accommodation she is providing. That value is half the rental value of the property. She as landlord must bear all landlord expenses, including any mortgage. What the property costs her to own is irrelevant, it has no bearing on what he should pay. Whether maintenance is zero or she has to fork out 5K for a new boiler is nothing to do with him. Whether she has a 300K mortgage or no mortgage at all should make no difference to what he pays. Whether she makes money on her property appreciating, or is in negative equity after a property slump, is nothing to do with him.