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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He lives in my house, should he pay rent?

100 replies

Izzy21 · 27/08/2022 18:16

My bf of 10 years moved in with me 8 years ago. He just got divorced and I was single with my own place. We pay equally into an account in my name for bills but I have no mortgage . I have no savings as every spare penny went into paying off my mortgage. He has a nice car and earns slightly more than I do. Am I being unreasonable to ask him to pay rent? He says if we split up then i keep the property, which is true, but as I spent all my money on the mortgage I have no money to spend on a nice car or nice holiday. Meanwhile he lives rent free.

OP posts:
Getoff · 28/08/2022 10:37

It's pretty bizarre to charge a partner for use of an asset you own outright.

Not if you don't have shared finances and each person is supposed to be paying their own way. Letting someone off their £5 share of car fuel is hardly the same thing as letting them off say £1000 a month of accommodation costs.

gamerchick · 28/08/2022 10:40

I'm confused. Is he paying shit in or not? Or are you saying you want him to pay in more in proportion to your income?

houseonthehill · 28/08/2022 10:42

Not just car fuel. I think she should pay taxi fare. It's my car and she travels in it.

Meggie2008 · 28/08/2022 10:44

My boyfriend doesn't pay rent. I bought the house before I met him, it's my mortgage, there would be no point in him paying towards something that he doesn't own. If we ever split up, it's still solely my house, and he has no part of it.
He pays half of the shared bills and we take turns week around to buy the shopping. Works for us.

TroysMammy · 28/08/2022 10:50

I'm mortgage free. My partner pays towards bills and food and buys extra food regularly (usually yellow stickered). We have our own cars and I have a healthy savings account and make decisions and pay for repairs or works on my house.

What he does with the rest of his money is no concern of mine.

I don't want my partner contributing to any form of rent so he doesn't have any sort of claim to my house if we split up.

As long as your partner is contributing his part of household expenses I don't see the problem of him not paying some form of rent.

Trying20 · 28/08/2022 10:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 28/08/2022 10:59

My DP and I are in a similar situation, we've been together for 12 years. We live in my mortgage-free house. I'm not charging him rent, I don't want him to have a claim on my house but also, I'm not paying a mortgage.

If you and he split up, you've got a house. Yes he's got a flash car and had holidays but he'll then have to find somewhere to rent/buy. I personally see you in a better situation that him

Amei · 28/08/2022 11:06

I own my property mortgage free and my DP doesn't pay rent. He contributes more to the bills but we earn similar amounts and I wouldn't feel fair charging him rent x

stopitstopitnow · 28/08/2022 11:08

We pay equally into an account in my name for bills but I have no mortgage

If he is paying half of the bills and you have no mortgage....why does he need to pay extra?

I have no money to spend on a nice car or nice holiday.

What are you spending the money you previously payed out on your mortgage on?

Sorry OP but you come across as a bit grabby IMO.

SunnyD44 · 28/08/2022 11:20

YABU he’s your partner not your tenant.

He’s already paying half the bills, which is what he should be doing.

I can’t see how you can’t afford nice things when you have no mortgage and only pay half of the bills.
Is he definitely paying enough?

It sounds like you just want him to give you extra money which is ridiculous.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 28/08/2022 11:33

I was in a similar situation in the past albeit still paying a mortgage. Lived with someone 2.5 years and split all bills and food down the middle but asked for no contribution to the mortgage. There was a lot of equity in the house already so I didn't want to muddy the waters in case of a break up and they were on the same page in that they didn't want to pay off my mortgage as wouldn't want the hassle if we did break up.

The relationship sadly ended but all they had to do was move out and given they had managed to save during the relationship they were able to move into a nice rented place short term before relocating.

Whilst you never go into a relationship expecting it to end it's worth considering what the outcome would be depending on living arrangements and finances during that period.

Ladyof2022 · 28/08/2022 12:11

He is not a cocklodger but this situation is deeply unfair on you.

I have a solution to this.

Find out what he would have to pay to live in a similar property in your area with a resident landlord. I mean in a house-share situation. Even in the cheapest town in the UK he would have to pay £100 a week and in London £200 plus.

Deduct the half of that rent, which is to cover bills and we are left with £50 to £100 a week that he is saving by living under your roof.

He should have been putting this money into a savings account for the past 8 years. By now he would have £50 x 52 x 8 = £20,800 plus interest. Double that for London.

If he has that £20k/£40k he should immediately ringfence it as "rent saved over 8 years" and start right now putting in £50£100 a week.

That money that he saved by not paying rent can then be used for

  1. Buy out part of the equity in your property, which gives you the £20k/£40k so you have a better standard of living
  2. A deposit on a flat should you split up
  3. Treating you to holidays, a nice car, expensive present, etc to say "thanks for saving me all this money over the last 8 yrs.
KettrickenSmiled · 28/08/2022 12:15

He says if we split up then i keep the property, which is true
😂😂😂

And I say, if you split, he gets to keep the 8 years worth of savings he has accrued from living rent-free under your roof.

Cocklodger extraordinaire - he is so bold in owning his double standard!

KettrickenSmiled · 28/08/2022 12:22

This is actually a really tricky situation especially given that you've paid off the mortgage.

No it isn't.
Whether OP has repaid her mortgage or not, her partner is still living rent-free. Despite having a higher income.

He's a working adult, not her child. Why should he get to save hundreds a month at her expense?
She'd be paying the mortgage whether he lived with her or not, so his argument about her owning the equity is invalid. He owns his entire salary, & - even on only say £500 a month - could have put away about £50k in savings at OP's expense by now, because OP is paying for the roof over his head.

Londonnorth · 28/08/2022 12:24

I wouldnt want any claim on the property so wouldnt charge 'rent'. But I think if he earns more and is gaining by living rent and mortgage free its fair to split bills in proportion to income - so he pays slightly more. You also have the costs of house maintenance but again I wouldnt accept money towards that. In his shoes I would be saving or having a buy to let as if the relationship does end he is in a weak position.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 28/08/2022 12:24

If you want to retain all the value of the house as yours and the right to kick him out instantly if things go wrong between you, I don't think he should pay rent. He should, however, pay equal share of some maintenance issues like washing machine repairs and of course basic house-hold bills. This does leave you better off than if you were living alone. If he has any sense then he will be saving money for his own future. If he's choosing to fritter money rather than do that, he will have to live with the consequences. Why don't you have much spare money now you're not paying the mortgage?

Pyewhacket · 28/08/2022 12:30

I wouldn't charge my boyfriend rent, especially if I was mortgage free. That would mean he then becomes your lodger and that could get complicated.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 28/08/2022 12:35

KettrickenSmiled · 28/08/2022 12:22

This is actually a really tricky situation especially given that you've paid off the mortgage.

No it isn't.
Whether OP has repaid her mortgage or not, her partner is still living rent-free. Despite having a higher income.

He's a working adult, not her child. Why should he get to save hundreds a month at her expense?
She'd be paying the mortgage whether he lived with her or not, so his argument about her owning the equity is invalid. He owns his entire salary, & - even on only say £500 a month - could have put away about £50k in savings at OP's expense by now, because OP is paying for the roof over his head.

How is it at her expense? What is it costing her?
We live in "my" house that was paid for long before my husband came along.
Wouldn't occur to me to charge him!
We share bills etc and he does maintenance.
Should I go to the expense of solicit fees and estate agent fees and move house so that it's "ours"? I don't want to move. I like where I am... That's why I bought it

PeppaPigIsAnnoying · 28/08/2022 12:36

The term cocklodger makes no sense

A guy with no job and not paying any money towards the house = cocklodger

A guy working and paying money towards the house = cocklodger

From this we've learnt that basically if a guy lives in a house that he doesn't own then regardless of anything he's a cocklodger

SunnyD44 · 28/08/2022 12:44

He's a working adult, not her child. Why should he get to save hundreds a month at her expense?

She'd be paying the mortgage whether he lived with her or not, so his argument about her owning the equity is invalid.

She has no mortgage.

He pays half the bills.

She is in a much better position than him as she gets half of her bills paid and doesn’t risk loosing her her home.

He’s paying half her bills but has no home of his own so has no equity for if they separate.

He should really be putting a lot of his money into savings or something incase they break up but ultimately it is up to him what he spends his money on, just like OP can spend her money on whatever she wants.

Fireflygal · 28/08/2022 12:50

He should be contributing to something towards the house - how much does he pay?

Itloggedmeoutagain · 28/08/2022 13:01

Fireflygal · 28/08/2022 12:50

He should be contributing to something towards the house - how much does he pay?

An equal share of the bills
Is in the op

AhNowTed · 28/08/2022 13:08

Hang on. Sharing a house should benefit both parties.

He gets to live relatively cheaply.

There's no benefit here for the OP.

Rather than "rent" a bigger portion of the bills might be a better option.

He's still living for next to nothing, and the OP benefits from the arrangement too.

alwaysmovingforwards · 28/08/2022 13:11

He's struck gold!

DillAte · 28/08/2022 13:18

I don't think it's that clear-cut.
Your benefitting from him paying equally for the bills (the majority of bills don't double because of an extra person).
You would have made these mortgage payments whether he was living with your or not. Were you able to pay your mortgage off faster because of his financial contributions?
I'm assuming he doesn't have the rights of a tenant or his own private living space, so unless you're prepared to work these into a proper contract I would say no.