Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends a thief ...aibu to be disgusted?

120 replies

neepop · 27/08/2022 14:53

Friend rang me this morning all bright and cheerful.
Told me she placed a order with a online retailer (huge company )
They delivered her order late after paying for next day.
The box arrived all damaged but luckily everything was there.
She contacted customer services and said one item (£20 make up item ) was missing (it wasn't)
So they've refunded her
Aibu to be a bit disgusted ?
Her response was "I'm struggling with money at the minute "

OP posts:
Loics · 27/08/2022 17:38

It's no different to going into the shop and pocketing the item, which I have a funny feeling wouldn't be seen as okay by the people justifying stealing from online orders on here.
If she was struggling, why did she order a £20 make-up item?

giveovernate · 27/08/2022 17:44

Deliverooaddict · 27/08/2022 15:58

I wouldn’t care personally

Because you've got no morals!

giveovernate · 27/08/2022 17:46

boomoohoo · 27/08/2022 15:05

Well, I would say that context is important. Stealing from a person, with the consequence of there being a direct victim? Worse than stealing from a big retailer, with no direct victim, in my opinion.

We live in a very unequal world where not everybody has the same access to resources, and I think that matters in passing moral judgement.

It's like those footballers who were caught stealing handbags years ago. That disgusted me. Direct victims, and wealthy thieves.

Oh well let's start looting then, it's from retailers so no matter!

Penguinsaregreat · 27/08/2022 17:46

An item of make up costing £20 is not someone who is struggling and on the bread line. That is a luxury item.
Does she not give a thought about the staff who process the order? It could be traced back to them and have very serious consequences. Not to mention the fact that the retailer will increase costs which the rest of us will have to endure.
I have zero sympathy for your friend. Perhaps if someone told malicious lies about her at work she would get her comeuppance.

vipersnest1 · 27/08/2022 17:48

Things like the necessities of life, I could maybe understand.
The fact is, makeup is not a necessity.
She could have chosen not to but ii if she didn't have enough money to pay for it.
I don't get the shoulder shrugging that's going on here. And, I'd lay money on the fact she's done it before - and I'm not a gambling person.

vipersnest1 · 27/08/2022 17:48

... not to buy it ....

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/08/2022 17:49

boomoohoo · 27/08/2022 14:57

You feel how you feel, so yanbu. But I think things are really hard for people atm, and what's she's done is so small compared to how disgusting our government are behaving. If you want to look at who the actual crooks are, I'd look there.

Maybe think about what about it makes you feel so disgusted? That's a very strong word for a v minor thing

I agree.

Miacarla · 27/08/2022 17:49

I've got a colleague who does this constantly. She says things are missing, deliberately damages packaging etc. She reckons she's 'made' thousands over the last few years because she always wants a refund instead of a 'replacement' item. I can't believe her balls but she is a CF in many other ways. I wouldn't brag about it if I was her though. She shows off ringing the companies in front of everyone. Someone will drop her in it sooner or later.

rnsaslkih · 27/08/2022 17:49

I couldn't condone that unless she has some sort of facial disfigurement or mental health issue that causes makeup to be a 100% necessity.

Other than that, nobody who shoves a £20 make up item in their online basket can be struggling for money. It doesn't make sense. Make up isn't bloody food that keeps you alive - it's stuff that is completely unnecessary.

Suzi888 · 27/08/2022 17:49

boomoohoo · 27/08/2022 15:10

@GroggyLegs I don't know what a grifter is!

Do people have to have starving children before deemed acceptable to steal food? Not in my opinion.

I'm not saying it's OK and everyone should do it - but I don't think it's a big deal. You know how much profit Company's make? The mark up they put on, whilst paying staff minimum wage with poor working conditions. That I get disgusted about

The mark up they put on to cover theft?

YANBU OP. Plus make up is not essential.

If someone stole food because they couldn’t afford it I would have a different view- it’s still not great though- in terms of costs increasing for everyone else.

Freedomfighters · 27/08/2022 17:49

I would look badly on someone doing that too. Stealing food if you're desperate is one thing. But what your friend did is completely unnecessary.

orangeisthenewpuce · 27/08/2022 17:50

I think it's a big deal and I'd be disgusted too. I'd find it hard to be friends with her. No theft is victimless.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/08/2022 17:50

Freedomfighters · 27/08/2022 17:49

I would look badly on someone doing that too. Stealing food if you're desperate is one thing. But what your friend did is completely unnecessary.

She could well sell it and use the money for food.

rnsaslkih · 27/08/2022 17:50

The cost of living crisis is a bullshit reason to steal make up. Because makeup isn't included in the cost of living.

SmudgeButt · 27/08/2022 17:51

If she had no money and no food and swiped a couple of tins at Tesco I wouldn't blame her but would find a way to help her.
If she has no money she shouldn't be ordering things online that aren't absolute essentials. And why order online if there's delivery charges - stupid.
I would tell her that she's stealing and the net result is that you, me and everyone else has to pay more to make up for her theft. if she doesn't like hearing it she should be a thief.

YellowTreeHouse · 27/08/2022 17:51

YANBU. If she’s struggling for money she shouldn’t be buying expensive beauty products.

DdraigGoch · 27/08/2022 17:53

Her response was "I'm struggling with money at the minute "

In which case she could have just avoided buying the £20 make-up item in the first place.

Agrudge · 27/08/2022 17:57

Like others have said . If it was food I think most people would sympathise.

Shes just using the cost of living as an excuse to do a scrummy thing.

Redqueenheart · 27/08/2022 17:59

It would bother me.

I would be oK with someone who is struggling financially finding a way to get extra food, but lying to get a make-up kit? that's just not on.

Also the fact that she is bragging about it is really tasteless.

It would make me wonder what other schemes she has going on and whether she is trustworthy in general

One of the decision I made this year was to be really selective about friend and acquaintances because I realised I made the mistake of being too easy-going with a couple of people who turned out to be less than honest because I wanted to be non-judgemental.

So now on as soon as I spot one red flag they are out of my life. I would actually choose not to have anything more to do with someone who behaved like your friend.

giveovernate · 27/08/2022 18:02

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor she ordered the make up because she wanted the make up, by coincidence it was late with a damaged box, she paid for swift delivery.

She's no intention of selling it for food, that's a ridiculous reach!

Murdoch1949 · 27/08/2022 18:03

You shouldn't need telling that your friend's action is unacceptable, immoral and illegal.

VioletInsolence · 27/08/2022 18:11

You’re annoyed with your friend when Amazon and other huge companies get away with not paying tax. I wouldn’t want you as a friend.

Whadda · 27/08/2022 18:12

boomoohoo · 27/08/2022 14:57

You feel how you feel, so yanbu. But I think things are really hard for people atm, and what's she's done is so small compared to how disgusting our government are behaving. If you want to look at who the actual crooks are, I'd look there.

Maybe think about what about it makes you feel so disgusted? That's a very strong word for a v minor thing

So if someone slip their hand into your bag on the street and takes £20, you won’t mind because the government is shit?

Gymrabbit · 27/08/2022 18:17

The issue is the lying here.
if she complained that the box was damaged and delivery was late and asked for a partial refund then that is fair enough.

Branleuse · 27/08/2022 18:29

Its stealing, but I dont view every theft as morally the same, and I cant say that this would bother me that much to find out a friend did it.