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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to give table to women with pushchairs?

128 replies

inghp · 27/08/2022 13:10

Me and my boyfriend were in a Wetherspoons last week.
We had a booth and our food had arrived and we had a drink.
It was quite busy downstairs and two women with pushchairs came in..they had 2 little girls who weren't in pushchairs but walking ahead.
They were told there were tables upstairs and there was a lift available.

So my boyfriend (as we were eating ) said shall we give them our table and we go upstairs
I said no don't be stupid
(Bars in mind we were mid way through food and had drinks)
He wanted us to pick up our plates and go upstairs for a table so they could have ours.

It turned into us arguing -with him saying if that was you with a pushchair you would hope someone would be kind to you.
I said not when they are half way through lunch I wouldn't.
Aibu ?

OP posts:
Rowen32 · 27/08/2022 16:47

I think there's being kind and then being too virtuous which this sounds like.
I'd be really uncomfortable if he'd offered me the booth and like there was something sinister behind it.
There was a lift, it makes no sense why he'd think he had to offer.

Emotionalsupportviper · 27/08/2022 17:04

If I was there for a drink, I probably would have moved - for a meal, already ordered - no chance, so YANBU

YABU going to Wetherspoons though! 😁

CanaryShoulderedThorn · 27/08/2022 17:06

The eagerness to appear super friendly and overly nice to strangers, along with a desperation to be liked, can be a symptom of psychopathy.
I know its a bit of a leap! but just saying.
Having worked with lots of psychopaths in the past, in a professional capacity, they have all been absolutely charming on the surface.
I agree with others that you are not on his priority list.

Mouk · 27/08/2022 17:17

It was nice of him to suggest, but there was really no need at all. YANBU

notalwaysalondoner · 27/08/2022 17:20

No, not if there was a lift - if stairs then it would be nice to be offered, but if there’s a lift it’s no difficulty at all.

Don’t understand people on this thread saying that they would find it weird and think there was an ulterior motive though…! Offering two women with buggies and toddlers a table right next to where they are standing doesn’t seem odd to me at all (even if it is unnecessary).

iklboo · 27/08/2022 17:28

No they wouldn’t. MN hates anyone doing anything for someone else. In MN world it’s everyone for themselves and fuck anyone else. They put themselves out to do it.

No, they're just saying they wouldn't pick up platefuls of food, drinks, cutlery, coats, bags etc and go upstairs with their hands full just so the ladies with the pushchairs might want the booth. As PP have said, they probably wouldn't because the pushchairs would be blocking the aisle.

Antarcticant · 27/08/2022 17:33

I feel sorry for the children being stuck in a Wetherspoons - I wouldn't encourage their mums.

Sweaterweatherisbetterweather · 27/08/2022 17:34

notalwaysalondoner · 27/08/2022 17:20

No, not if there was a lift - if stairs then it would be nice to be offered, but if there’s a lift it’s no difficulty at all.

Don’t understand people on this thread saying that they would find it weird and think there was an ulterior motive though…! Offering two women with buggies and toddlers a table right next to where they are standing doesn’t seem odd to me at all (even if it is unnecessary).

But no one asked him and they were walking to the lift.
They were already eating their food!
He is inconveniencing his partner and starting an argument as she stopped him being " the hero"
Its very odd and covert Narc behaviour to fawn over strangers while behaving nastily to your partner.

Quartz2208 · 27/08/2022 17:58

But it isn’t thoughtful - they had food and drinks attached to that table moving would mean a staff member moving that over in the system and potentially taking the food and drink upstairs (customers carrying plates etc upstairs is often not allowed for insurance/liability purposes. Plus a booth is not that useful for pushchairs

it is inserting himself into a situation that needed zero involvement from him

PinkyFlamingo · 27/08/2022 18:05

It's not thoughtful behaviour from him, it's downright weird given your food had been served.

knittingaddict · 27/08/2022 18:41

I never thought I would say this, but your bf is too nice. I couldn't stand that level of trying to please complete strangers.

TheLittleRedDragon · 27/08/2022 18:57

No you're not being unreasonable. He just wanted to interrupt your meal together so everyone could all see how generous and nice he was being. Perhaps he wanted an excuse to interact with the women. Or was a bit bored and thought a bit of polite gratitude might perk things up?

Weird how he is fine to interrupt your meal, argue about it with you unnecessarily and then try to make out that you are a meanie!

He likes it when people see him as the hero huh?

TheyreOnlyNoodlesMichael · 27/08/2022 19:17

Antarcticant · 27/08/2022 17:33

I feel sorry for the children being stuck in a Wetherspoons - I wouldn't encourage their mums.

What the fuck??

mogsrus · 27/08/2022 19:17

And no way would I upsticks half way thr a meal

BaileySharp · 27/08/2022 19:17

Maybe if we hadn't ordered yet but midway through a meal doesn't seem like a good time to move

Marotte · 27/08/2022 19:40

OP you are not being unreasonable in the sense that you were in the middle of eating, there were probably other people who could offer to move who hadn't yet got food if they wanted to offer, and the people with children could have used the lift of course.

However, your boyfriend sounds like he is a nice man, considerate to others, especially those with small children, and this bodes well for the future. If I was deciding who to date, he'd be on the short list (unless it was him starting and getting really nasty in the subsequent argument of course). You wouldn't be.

AnnoyingIknow · 27/08/2022 19:56

Marotte · 27/08/2022 19:40

OP you are not being unreasonable in the sense that you were in the middle of eating, there were probably other people who could offer to move who hadn't yet got food if they wanted to offer, and the people with children could have used the lift of course.

However, your boyfriend sounds like he is a nice man, considerate to others, especially those with small children, and this bodes well for the future. If I was deciding who to date, he'd be on the short list (unless it was him starting and getting really nasty in the subsequent argument of course). You wouldn't be.

If I was deciding who to date, he'd be on the short list (unless it was him starting and getting really nasty in the subsequent argument of course). You wouldn't be.

I don't think that would be the OPs loss.....

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 27/08/2022 20:05

@inghp

your boyfriend sounds kind & thoughtful

although he may need to have it explained to him that he needs to consider YOU when he's planning on being kind & thoughtful to others, that HE may not mind sitting in theme row behind you, but that YOU might mind not sitting with him.

Marotte · 27/08/2022 20:43

Reading on, it's true he could have been exhibiting narcissist behaviour. However, I think it's equally likely that the poster is the narcissist actually. I'm very suspicious of the "we don't even think about doing anything nice for people with children because it's their choice to have children and we judge those who do want to (even if their kindness is misplaced in that instance or not very practical)" brigade. We should be looking out for those in society who have more needs than we do in a given circumstance and this sometimes means children, and their parents.

SunshineClouds1 · 27/08/2022 20:48

I get his thought process but no I wouldn't of moved.
Speaking as a mum with a buggy, I still wouldn't.

Caroffee · 27/08/2022 21:24

The OP hasn't said anything about not wanting to do anything for people with children because it's their choice. She said she didn't want to move mid-meal when there was a lift the mums with pushchairs could use. You are projecting your own feelings onto this situation.

Waitwait · 27/08/2022 21:45

Are you sure you aren’t married to my mother? Everyone else before her - and before me. If somethjng happened at school the first question was whether I had done something to the other person first. I absolutely identify it in myself and try my very hardest not to do this to my husband and children (though don’t always succeed)

AegonT · 27/08/2022 21:55

How strange. I would have thought it very odd for your boyfriend to pick his meal up and offer to move. There was a lift! If there wasn't a lift they could have left the pushchair downstairs and taken their kids and bags upstairs.

SugarNspices · 27/08/2022 22:04

If I was the mum with a pram i would absolutely modified if someone was holding their half eaten dinner ready to move tables for me. He is a bit too much a people pleaser.

namechangetheworld · 27/08/2022 22:11

Blossomtoes · 27/08/2022 16:21

No they wouldn’t. MN hates anyone doing anything for someone else. In MN world it’s everyone for themselves and fuck anyone else. They put themselves out to do it.

Show quote history

Very good point. Hypothetical teenage girl probably would have got a pasting on here too.

But back in the real world, people do occasionally offer to do things for other that may actually - gasp - inconvenience them slightly.