Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to give table to women with pushchairs?

128 replies

inghp · 27/08/2022 13:10

Me and my boyfriend were in a Wetherspoons last week.
We had a booth and our food had arrived and we had a drink.
It was quite busy downstairs and two women with pushchairs came in..they had 2 little girls who weren't in pushchairs but walking ahead.
They were told there were tables upstairs and there was a lift available.

So my boyfriend (as we were eating ) said shall we give them our table and we go upstairs
I said no don't be stupid
(Bars in mind we were mid way through food and had drinks)
He wanted us to pick up our plates and go upstairs for a table so they could have ours.

It turned into us arguing -with him saying if that was you with a pushchair you would hope someone would be kind to you.
I said not when they are half way through lunch I wouldn't.
Aibu ?

OP posts:
J0y · 27/08/2022 14:12

waterproofed · 27/08/2022 14:07

Hero complex. Annoying, but an excellent quality in a life partner IME.

The need to rescue strangers while ignoring your own partner's needs is such a demonstration of poor prioritisation that I can't agree with you there!

Also, it's all in his head. The strangers didn't even say ''we need x, y or z''. He's imagining what they need. His partner is telling him what she needs (for you to put me first for the twenty minutes it takes to eat our lunch) and he isn't hearing her because...... he's already won her over??? He thinks.

butterflied · 27/08/2022 14:13

GabriellaMontez · 27/08/2022 13:31

You're at the bottom of his list, of people to be nice to.

Point that out to him. If he can't recognise that and change it, reconsider if you want to always be with someone who puts you last.

I would do this. His reaction should be revealing.

NotMyDust · 27/08/2022 14:13

I used to do this and as @SizzlerFizzler said it was due to wanting to be liked. Also low self esteem in my case. What's concerning from your pov is he seems to expect you to go along with it. I'd say (sorry for cod psychology here) that's "enmeshment"?

PupInAPram · 27/08/2022 14:14

YANBU.

KatherineJaneway · 27/08/2022 14:15

YANBU

iklboo · 27/08/2022 14:16

Hero complex. Annoying, but an excellent quality in a life partner IME.

It really isn't. Putting everyone else above your partner is not an excellent quality. Far from it.

sweeetpotatoes · 27/08/2022 14:20

He sounds like a dick head and if this is one in a long line of similar situations I'd be telling him he needs to reevaluate his priorities or I'd be ending things.

waterproofed · 27/08/2022 14:21

Ah yes, forgot to mention you need to come top of the list of priorities. Apologies, should have RTFT.

The empathy and kindness has to extend primarily to you. It’s quite nice being with someone always offering to do things for you, but I understand why others would find it wet. I find it pleasing and convenient.

Somethingneedstochange · 27/08/2022 14:25

I wouldn't expect someone to move. Our local Spoon's got rid of the booths after drunken behaviour climbing over them and breaking the perspex screen between them when they first opened after first lockdown. Someone put a video up of they're behaviour they were taken to court.

namechangetheworld · 27/08/2022 14:25

Fuck me, the vitriol towards this bloke is baffling.

If it was the OP's teenage daughter who had suggested doing similar whilst out for lunch Mumsnet would be falling over themselves to say how considerate and kind she was.

PortalooSunset · 27/08/2022 14:25

I'd have possibly done it if I was still waiting for my meal, but midway through? Nope.

Dadaya · 27/08/2022 14:27

If you hadn’t got your food or there was no lift then maybe. But it wasn’t necessary when there were tables available and a lift.

MzHz · 27/08/2022 14:32

inghp · 27/08/2022 13:19

He tries to hard to do the "nice" thing all the time.
He's moved plane seats after we had paid for them for people who hadn't booked.
The list is endless

I’d bin him tbh

hes never going to stand up for you, for your kids, for himself and if you’re paying for airline seats, you sit in them

Summerfun54321 · 27/08/2022 14:33

Couldn’t get worked up over this.

MzHz · 27/08/2022 14:34

namechangetheworld · 27/08/2022 14:25

Fuck me, the vitriol towards this bloke is baffling.

If it was the OP's teenage daughter who had suggested doing similar whilst out for lunch Mumsnet would be falling over themselves to say how considerate and kind she was.

No they’d be saying that you’re raising a doormat/submissive wife of the future

worriedatthistime · 27/08/2022 14:34

Not unreasonable as you were eating and there was a lift but i do hate it when two people sit at a large table do larger parties can't get seated

Original poster
inghp · 27/08/2022 14:35

It was a booth that accommodated 4 people
There were two of us and it was vacant ..why shouldn't we sit in it.

OP posts:
Mangledrake · 27/08/2022 14:37

I wouldn't reconsider your future over the examples you've offered. Men in some cultures / households are brought up to consider women, but especially mothers, as needing and getting priority. I'd talk to him about wanting to sit with him on the plane - assuming you do. And in this case just point out the logistics of moving - staff having to clean table, food in lifts etc. But in only a very slightly different situation - meals not served yet - he'd be kind to offer.

Georgeskitchen · 27/08/2022 14:39

No he's a idiot

Mangledrake · 27/08/2022 14:40

worriedatthistime · 27/08/2022 14:34

Not unreasonable as you were eating and there was a lift but i do hate it when two people sit at a large table do larger parties can't get seated

I eat out alone when I feel like it. Lots of places don't have the same comfort, privacy or charging facilities for one / two seaters. I'm reasonably considerate but I've learned not to be self conscious about choosing a better table or requesting it, where that's the case

Quartz2208 · 27/08/2022 14:41

@waterproofed no it isn’t an excellent quality. Being kind and considerate is. Placing yourself front and centre to do something that actually is going to be awkward for you, your partner and the restaurant plus potentially health and safety with moving the plates and drinks just to get the adulation for doing it isn’t dangerous and thoughtless

it is a very selfish behaviour that doesn’t take into account the needs of anyone other than himself

if it my teenage daughter I would say no we don’t need to becuse it would cause more issues than it was help and she would be fine with it. There is a time and place to be thoughtful and considerate this wasn’t it

gogogadgetgo · 27/08/2022 14:43

Does he ever put you first?

I mean he's being a dick. That in itself would give me the ick

But it's the fact it caused an argument that bothers me. Something that simple Shouldn't have escalated.

Longdistance · 27/08/2022 14:44

If you had just drinks, then yes, but you were in the middle of eating. Your food would go cold by the time you’ve moved.

KangFang · 27/08/2022 14:45

He doesn't value you and you'll never be first.
You're merely his greek chorus, while he thinks he's acting like a superhero.

I'd ditch him.

Asurvivor · 27/08/2022 14:47

My exh was also like this, his need to be popular / liked was most important, I just had to go along with what ever decisions he had unilaterally made to make himself look good and get attention otherwise I would seen as an ungenerous person. I am actually quite considerate, but with him I found myself being typecast as the selfish one.

It was one of the most liberating feelings when I ended our relationship - never having to put up with that again.