Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to give table to women with pushchairs?

128 replies

inghp · 27/08/2022 13:10

Me and my boyfriend were in a Wetherspoons last week.
We had a booth and our food had arrived and we had a drink.
It was quite busy downstairs and two women with pushchairs came in..they had 2 little girls who weren't in pushchairs but walking ahead.
They were told there were tables upstairs and there was a lift available.

So my boyfriend (as we were eating ) said shall we give them our table and we go upstairs
I said no don't be stupid
(Bars in mind we were mid way through food and had drinks)
He wanted us to pick up our plates and go upstairs for a table so they could have ours.

It turned into us arguing -with him saying if that was you with a pushchair you would hope someone would be kind to you.
I said not when they are half way through lunch I wouldn't.
Aibu ?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 27/08/2022 13:35

I doubt that the staff would have been happy with you carrying your food and drink up in the lift. Also the confusion about table numbers. I would try to accommodate someone with a pram/wheelchair etc within reason. Me and my adult DD often move on the train so a family can all sit together. I know women living with men like your bf and they end up very frustrated. He'll never put you first.

sayanythingelse · 27/08/2022 13:38

YANBU. I thought you were going to say something much different.

Our local Wetherspoons is quite small. It has some booths and normal tables but mostly high tables with bar stool style chairs. If you were sat in a booth and the only table left for the pushchair ladies was a barstool one, then it might be polite to offer to move but not halfway through a meal when there are free tables upstairs and a lift. Very odd.

TokyoTen · 27/08/2022 13:39

Of course YANBU. You were.already eating, there was a lift. I'd be questioning why he needs to be such a pleaser.

oviraptor21 · 27/08/2022 13:43

I couldn't be doing with this - he actively chose not to sit next to you on a flight when you'd paid for those seats. I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms that if he tried pulling that (or similar) stunt again it would be the end of the relationship.

RethinkingLife · 27/08/2022 13:45

GabriellaMontez · 27/08/2022 13:31

You're at the bottom of his list, of people to be nice to.

Point that out to him. If he can't recognise that and change it, reconsider if you want to always be with someone who puts you last.

I very much agree that this will be the case and it won't get better.

You will always be second to random people and strangers. In a worst case scenario, he will expend your resources on strangers without ever pausing to think of the impact on his own household.

This is not selflessness or altruism, or even behaviour that is limited in its impact to him, he thinks nothing of the impact on you to the point where he'll argue with you about it.

He's shown you who he is and what his priorities are.

Quartz2208 · 27/08/2022 13:47

So they didn’t even ask or look over and we’re happy to go upstairs?

moving you with food and drinks on the system to your table number would be tricky for the restaurant and actually not helpful at all, they would not like customers moving upstairs with food and drink either so he really wasn’t thinking logically

it sounds fairly unusual

HoliMooli · 27/08/2022 13:48

Ah the hero complex! Ex-dh did this and he always came out looking like such a noble gentleman and I was the mean-spirited witch if I ever said no. The thing is, it was mostly me who was inconvenienced by him always having to be the good guy. Like offering all his friends, and once a stranger, lifts when he didn’t have a licence. We live close to the airport so if any of his friends were going away, every time he’d offer to drop them instead of them taking a cab. The thing is, it would be me having to drop them, not him. He told the (not elderly, only 64 years old) next door neighbour that he’d cut his grass over the weekend as he wanted to do the neighbourly thing. The thing is, he worked weekends so off he went at 8am and then texts me at 11am asking me not to forget to cut neighbours grass and ‘we’d’ offered. He also used to offer to move seats on the plane but, tbh, I quite liked when he wasn’t sitting next to me! As others have said, I was at the bottom of the pole for him and his need to be seen as the hero came above my needs altogether. Even now, I sometimes see him posting do-gooder messages on Facebook and during lockdown he was all about public declarations of help. Telling anyone they could come to him for a meal if they were struggling. I know it’ll be his poor wife having to facilitate that! That’s why he’s my ex.

annoyedneighbour1 · 27/08/2022 13:48

What a weird thing for him to do.

I'd show him this thread.

Wetblanket78 · 27/08/2022 13:49

YANBU I wouldn't have expected to have people move for us. Though I was annoyed yesterday when of us went to a cafe for lunch and only one table for two. There were a few tables for four with only two people sat at them. This cafe is in the beach and gets busy with families and dog walkers etc. We managed to grab some spare chair's and squeeze around the small table.

PrettyIndigo · 27/08/2022 13:49

Not halfway through lunch. I wouldn't expect anyone else to move for me halfway through their lunch!

Quartz2208 · 27/08/2022 13:50

This reminds me of friends and there is no such thing as a selfless act and I think this is a great example because it must be all about him playing the hero - because there is nothing logical in you moving apart from him getting praise from the women about being so wonderful

Fuwari · 27/08/2022 13:51

But he is inconveniencing you for the comfort of complete strangers, that's not really nice in my opinion

I had an ex who did this and it turned out to be a far wider problem of me always coming last. Yeah he was a great guy....to everyone else. If he's always doing things like this I'd be very wary.

Blueink · 27/08/2022 13:52

YANBU his attitude doesn’t bode well for your relationship as you are so fundamentally different minded

Nanny0gg · 27/08/2022 13:53

inghp · 27/08/2022 13:19

He tries to hard to do the "nice" thing all the time.
He's moved plane seats after we had paid for them for people who hadn't booked.
The list is endless

I'd have let him move on his own.

No-one likes a martyr

abovedecknotbelow · 27/08/2022 13:53

Sounds like he needs to grow a backbone

BeanieTeen · 27/08/2022 13:53

moving you with food and drinks on the system to your table number would be tricky for the restaurant and actually not helpful at all, they would not like customers moving upstairs with food and drink either so he really wasn’t thinking logically

I was thinking this - negligible convenience achieved for those mums, big inconvenience for him, you and Weatherspoon’s staff. What’s the point?
Does the phrase ‘throwing the baby out with the bath water’ apply to this situation?Maybe that’s wrong 😂 I’m sure there’s some kind of suitable proverb to go with this situation. You’re achieving nothing than more hassle in trying to do something good anyway.

Quartz2208 · 27/08/2022 14:01

@HoliMooli is right @inghp this is classic hero complex/syndrome and is all about him

it will never get any better

iklboo · 27/08/2022 14:02

Ex was like this - he dragged me off a bus step by my coat hood once because I'd boarded (front of queue) before two older - not elderly - ladies, chuckling that I had 'no manners'. They weren't even bothered about us getting on in turn.

Frogium · 27/08/2022 14:03

YANBU

It looks like he likes to endear himself to women. Is it only women he tries to help? Or big hairy men as well?

Tigerblue4 · 27/08/2022 14:05

I'd rather be upstairs in our Wetherspoons with children - it's quieter and a nicer atmosphere (not saying there's anything wrong with your Wetherspoons OP).

1FootInTheRave · 27/08/2022 14:06

He sounds pathetic and annoying.

Libertyqueen · 27/08/2022 14:07

I wouldn’t expect someone to do that although it’s a really kind gesture that could make someone’s day.

waterproofed · 27/08/2022 14:07

Hero complex. Annoying, but an excellent quality in a life partner IME.

butterflied · 27/08/2022 14:09

inghp · 27/08/2022 13:19

He tries to hard to do the "nice" thing all the time.
He's moved plane seats after we had paid for them for people who hadn't booked.
The list is endless

Ugh. He sounds so wet. And he wasted your money.

Meseekslookatme · 27/08/2022 14:10

I wouldn't offer a booth to anyone
Full stop.

Swipe left for the next trending thread