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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU Tto think MIL is a bit weird for this?

102 replies

GreenLeavesandSpam · 26/08/2022 11:29

When I was pregnant MIL brought us a travel system, it was fairly expensive but she can easily afford it and she gifted it to us as our present for baby. Her son is an only child, this is the only baby we are having for medical reasons so no other GC for her to be having.

Son has now outgrown travel system - purchased new car seat and new buggy over the last few months to replace what she brought and it has been sitting in our loft unused.

With the rising costs, we now need to be making extra money, so I put the travel system up for sale on fb marketplace. MIL has seen this and said we are not to sell it but to give it back to her so she can put it in her loft to keep. We have asked her why and she just said she wants to keep it. We have explained we need the money and she has said tough. Irrelevant but her financial position is much much much better than ours to the point she doesn't have to work because she has so much disposable income and has never had a mortgage because she could afford to buy houses outright. We are talking 7 figures. We are struggling on benefits due to disability and lack of childcare (which she won't help out with because it interrupts her routine).

AIBU to think this is weird and to want to continue to sell it? I feel it was given to us to use, it has been used by us and is ours and therefore we can now dispose of it as we like?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 26/08/2022 11:31

I think it’s really controlling and off
she gifted it to you - you need the money
I would get your DH to explain and then sell it

AnnaFri · 26/08/2022 11:33

YANBU to think she is being weird

But I feel the same seeing things I have got for other people pop up for sale - it's an unreasonable feeling but a natural one for me, and most likely your MIL too

TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/08/2022 11:34

She is being ridiculous, but I would give it back to her and say "You are being ridiculous but here it is. No more "gifts" please."

Marcipex · 26/08/2022 11:34

No wonder you were taken aback, but is it worth upsetting her?
I don’t think she’s being reasonable at all, but as she wants to store it, I think you will have to let her have it back.

Beamur · 26/08/2022 11:35

I'd give it back to her.
Next time she offers to get you something, ask if it's a gift or a loan..
My Nan had form for this. It was never really a gift.

NovaDeltas · 26/08/2022 11:36

She's just vindictive. You could keep selling it and then just tolerate whatever 'punishment' she sees fit or hand it back and then just avoid her. Random relatives don't have a right to be in your life just because of an accident of birth. If she's going to be a vicious old cow while you struggle, she'll see a lot less of you.

tedgran · 26/08/2022 11:36

Sorry, I'm a Granny, if you give your family a present it belongs to them. She is being completely unreasonable.

pumpkinpie01 · 26/08/2022 11:36

How ridiculous, so it's going to sit in the loft gathering dust . Your DH needs to have a word with her - her only son and only grandchild and she will quite happily sit on her riches and let her family struggle , unbelievable

Beamur · 26/08/2022 11:37

My PIL could be a bit weird with expensive gifts too. They would sometimes offer to buy something we needed, but would actually want to choose the exact item and often where we got it from!

chillipenguin · 26/08/2022 11:38

I'd just give it back to her tbh and think no more of it.

SuperCamp · 26/08/2022 11:40

I think it sometimes looks like bad manners to sell gifts.

She saved you money in buying the travel system, it isn’t your money you would be re-couping in selling it so you are essentially making a profit.

We returned items handed down to us to the donor, or if they didn’t want it, gave them the money from sale.

WhatNoRaisins · 26/08/2022 11:40

Weird, it's a gift, it was used appropriately and it's none of her business what you do with it now.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/08/2022 11:40

That’s shocking. Give it back to her and step right back from the relationship. She’s selfish and nasty.

Sswhinesthebest · 26/08/2022 11:41

Offer to sell it to her for mates rates…

No, I’d be really annoyed too. A gift is a gift and no longer belongs to the gifter.

SheeWeee · 26/08/2022 11:41

SuperCamp · 26/08/2022 11:40

I think it sometimes looks like bad manners to sell gifts.

She saved you money in buying the travel system, it isn’t your money you would be re-couping in selling it so you are essentially making a profit.

We returned items handed down to us to the donor, or if they didn’t want it, gave them the money from sale.

Donate, sure, but this is a gift. If someone gives you a gift that your child grows out of, do you give it back to them? Or sell it and give them the money? I am pretty sure you don't.

JenniferBarkley · 26/08/2022 11:41

I think it's bad manners, and given the difference in your financial circumstances it would be kind of her to buy it from you.

But - one child, one grandchild, the big gift she bought for the new baby. There's probably a lot of sentiment tied up in it, so I understand why she doesn't want to part with it.

ManateeFair · 26/08/2022 11:44

Yes, that is very weird. If you were planning to sell something really sentimental and personal like, say, a christening bracelet, that might feel hurtful to someone (although even then they would still not be within their rights to demand you give it back to them). But baby equipment that you’re never going to use again?! She’s nuts. It was a gift! It’s yours.

SmallElephants · 26/08/2022 11:49

I bet it’s very sentimental to her.

SproutsAtChristmas · 26/08/2022 11:53

Very odd. Let it go mouldy in her loft and be worth nothing in a few years 🤷‍♀️

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 26/08/2022 12:03

SmallElephants · 26/08/2022 11:49

I bet it’s very sentimental to her.

It’s a pram, which she didn’t use.
op, saying this as sensitively as possible, does she fully understand there will be no more gc? Is she harbouring a hope that there might be in the future?

GreenLeavesandSpam · 26/08/2022 12:08

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 26/08/2022 12:03

It’s a pram, which she didn’t use.
op, saying this as sensitively as possible, does she fully understand there will be no more gc? Is she harbouring a hope that there might be in the future?

I hope so as she knows I have a hysto booked! Unless she is expecting a miracle in future!

OP posts:
RainWindandSnowFlakes · 26/08/2022 12:09

Hmm, my father in law offered to sell us an old vacuum from his loft, when we needed one for our first house together, I feel this is on par. We declined ( miserable old devil)

My aunt got her old one repaired, and gave us that, and it was great.

Give it back to her, she is a horrible person.

RainWindandSnowFlakes · 26/08/2022 12:10

I imagine, she’s going to sell it herself.

JenniferBarkley · 26/08/2022 12:12

RainWindandSnowFlakes · 26/08/2022 12:10

I imagine, she’s going to sell it herself.

I really really doubt it. I imagine it's going in the corner of the loft with her own son's baby bits that she kept.

GoneWithTheWine1 · 26/08/2022 12:14

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