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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Tto think MIL is a bit weird for this?

102 replies

GreenLeavesandSpam · 26/08/2022 11:29

When I was pregnant MIL brought us a travel system, it was fairly expensive but she can easily afford it and she gifted it to us as our present for baby. Her son is an only child, this is the only baby we are having for medical reasons so no other GC for her to be having.

Son has now outgrown travel system - purchased new car seat and new buggy over the last few months to replace what she brought and it has been sitting in our loft unused.

With the rising costs, we now need to be making extra money, so I put the travel system up for sale on fb marketplace. MIL has seen this and said we are not to sell it but to give it back to her so she can put it in her loft to keep. We have asked her why and she just said she wants to keep it. We have explained we need the money and she has said tough. Irrelevant but her financial position is much much much better than ours to the point she doesn't have to work because she has so much disposable income and has never had a mortgage because she could afford to buy houses outright. We are talking 7 figures. We are struggling on benefits due to disability and lack of childcare (which she won't help out with because it interrupts her routine).

AIBU to think this is weird and to want to continue to sell it? I feel it was given to us to use, it has been used by us and is ours and therefore we can now dispose of it as we like?

OP posts:
Original poster
GreenLeavesandSpam · 26/08/2022 13:28

I don't think she is sentimental about it. She doesn't have anything from when DH was a baby as (in her words) "it took up space in the house", so no pictures he made in school, no clothing or first anythings. The handmade Christmas card we made her with DSs footprints on it for Christmas (ds first christmas) went in the bin in the January. Her house is minimalist and not child friendly and she won't make it child friendly for when we go round (such as moving breakable ornaments off the floor etc).

DH and I are childhood sweethearts and have been together since we were 15. She was absolutely fine apart from the weird unsentimental stuff, until we had our DS. I suspect its because she wanted a granddaughter. She was most upset when I told her we were having a boy, and even more so when she found out it was our only baby.

She knows we are struggling financially and is aware of both mine and DH health issues. We have had a horrendous few years.

OP posts:
Holly60 · 26/08/2022 13:40

TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/08/2022 11:34

She is being ridiculous, but I would give it back to her and say "You are being ridiculous but here it is. No more "gifts" please."

Erm I think the 'no more 'gifts' please' is a bit unfair. She only asked for it back when she saw they were getting rid of it.

She is being a bit weird so I think it's fair to say that bit though 😂

NoMoneyHun · 26/08/2022 13:41

Maybe she has promised it to someone else?
I think mentally she's processing a few things gender disappointment and the fact your DS is her only GC.
As someone who has a MIL from hell I really sympathise and I hope she becomes more appreciative of her only grandson, once she's realised the reality of the situation. My MIL was literally buzzing with excitement when she found our my firstborn was a DD after she had 4 DS then when my second was a DS she wasn't the slightest bit interested. It's awful but we hardly see her now.

FriendOfDorothyGale · 26/08/2022 13:44

She sounds fucking horrible.

I'd give her the item back and tell her to shove it up her arse.

I cannot imagine sitting on such wealth and not helping my kid out when they were going through a rough time of it.

I would also get her son to tell her that you want no more gifts.

Funkyslippers · 26/08/2022 13:47

She gave it to you as a gift. That means it's yours. It no longer belongs to her. So you can do with it what you want.

My nan was a bit like this - she'd give people gifts and then either expect it back or keep reminding them she had bought it. One other example is when she bought my dad a box of cigars. When a friend of hers visited us she helped herself to the cigars and handed her friend a few. My dad challenged her and said they were his cigars and she couldn't just help herself! She was most put out

Liorae · 26/08/2022 13:47

pumpkinpie01 · 26/08/2022 11:36

How ridiculous, so it's going to sit in the loft gathering dust . Your DH needs to have a word with her - her only son and only grandchild and she will quite happily sit on her riches and let her family struggle , unbelievable

Her riches?

forrestgreen · 26/08/2022 13:50

Give it her for Xmas!

Kitkatcatflap · 26/08/2022 16:59

Given your update, I think your DH should have a word with her and explain that it was a great gift but baby needs the next stage and you would like to sell the pram and put the money towards it, especially as money is tight for the moment. There is no point in it gathering dust in her attic.

PS. She is not going down the new born doll route is where women dress then up in baby clothes and take them out in prams.

ShandaLear · 26/08/2022 17:04

SuperCamp · 26/08/2022 11:40

I think it sometimes looks like bad manners to sell gifts.

She saved you money in buying the travel system, it isn’t your money you would be re-couping in selling it so you are essentially making a profit.

We returned items handed down to us to the donor, or if they didn’t want it, gave them the money from sale.

So you return gifts to people once you’ve used them? That’s actually quite rude.

girlmom21 · 26/08/2022 17:05

I think YABU actually. If you were strapped for cash you should have asked her if she's ok with you selling it before you bought a new pushchair and car seat. They're not cheap and if you'd have asked she'd have probably been fine with it. It's rude to sell on expensive gifts.

RoseGardenSummer · 26/08/2022 17:10

She gave you a gift. It's yours to do with as your wish. She is being very unreasonable to ask for her gift back again.

blisstwins · 26/08/2022 17:13

She needs to understand that they go out of tests too. Is she a hoarder or overly sentimental?

georgarina · 26/08/2022 17:14

Doidontimmm · 26/08/2022 12:20

Maybe she thinks her son may have children with someone else in the future? Very bizarre.

This was my thought too!

Very weird

But OP should just let DH deal with MIL and figure out what's going on

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 26/08/2022 17:43

It’s weird but I would just give her it back and next time she offers a ‘gift’ just say no thanks!

GinIronic · 26/08/2022 17:50

Sell it. Refuse all future "gifts".

GinIronic · 26/08/2022 17:52

girlmom21 · 26/08/2022 17:05

I think YABU actually. If you were strapped for cash you should have asked her if she's ok with you selling it before you bought a new pushchair and car seat. They're not cheap and if you'd have asked she'd have probably been fine with it. It's rude to sell on expensive gifts.

Please explain why it is rude to sell expensive gifts. Is it ok to sell cheap gifts?

girlmom21 · 26/08/2022 17:55

@GinIronic well no it's rude to sell those on too...

It's rude because someone's bought them for you to use.
If you're finished using them, it's cheeky fuckery to make money out of them.

5zeds · 26/08/2022 18:00

Just give it back and yes she is being weird. Don’t apologise for trying to sell it and do tell her you’ve never heard of anyone wanting presents back but it’s absolutely fine. Then change the subject.

5zeds · 26/08/2022 18:01

You were NOT being rude. She is being unusual but you see her now.

georgarina · 26/08/2022 18:13

It's rude because someone's bought them for you to use.
If you're finished using them, it's cheeky fuckery to make money out of them.

It's a practical item and their son has grown out of it so why would they keep it? Surely they're not expected to keep the bouncer/high chair/Perfect Prep forever if they happen to be gifts?

There's a difference between something sentimental and something for practical use that is no longer needed.

SuperCamp · 26/08/2022 18:21

ShandaLear · 26/08/2022 17:04

So you return gifts to people once you’ve used them? That’s actually quite rude.

Show quote history

No, I am not rude.

DB and SIL give us their good condition but used expensive double buggy. When done, I say "it's been great but no longer needed, is there someone else you would like to pass it on to / shall we sell it / give it to a family at the Children's Centre?". I saved money by using their second hand buggy, I don't automatically expect to make a cash profit from it.

My Mum hand sews the lining into a new Moses basket as a gift for our newborn. Same conversation, and recognising that she has put in time and skill into making it.

How is this rude?

If someone gives me a pot plant I don't say, a year later, 'oh, it's dead now, here have the pot back'

howdidigethere · 26/08/2022 18:23

The phrase 'dog in a manger' comes to mind!

girlmom21 · 26/08/2022 18:24

georgarina · 26/08/2022 18:13

It's rude because someone's bought them for you to use.
If you're finished using them, it's cheeky fuckery to make money out of them.

It's a practical item and their son has grown out of it so why would they keep it? Surely they're not expected to keep the bouncer/high chair/Perfect Prep forever if they happen to be gifts?

There's a difference between something sentimental and something for practical use that is no longer needed.

I didn't say they should keep it. I said they should have spoken to her before trying to sell it. What is with people making shit up from half quotes today?

butterflied · 26/08/2022 18:27

girlmom21 · 26/08/2022 17:55

@GinIronic well no it's rude to sell those on too...

It's rude because someone's bought them for you to use.
If you're finished using them, it's cheeky fuckery to make money out of them.

I agree. It never sits right with me when people do this.

georgarina · 26/08/2022 18:36

@girlmom21 Calm down lol, this is your full quote I was replying to

GinIronic well no it's rude to sell those on too...

It's rude because someone's bought them for you to use.
If you're finished using them, it's cheeky fuckery to make money out of them.

All it says is it's rude to sell on gifts, which I disagreed with. Nothing about asking the person. Idk what was said before.