AIBU Tto think MIL is a bit weird for this?

[GreenLeavesandSpam]

When I was pregnant MIL brought us a travel system, it was fairly expensive but she can easily afford it and she gifted it to us as our present for baby. Her son is an only child, this is the only baby we are having for medical reasons so no other GC for her to be having.

Son has now outgrown travel system - purchased new car seat and new buggy over the last few months to replace what she brought and it has been sitting in our loft unused.

With the rising costs, we now need to be making extra money, so I put the travel system up for sale on fb marketplace. MIL has seen this and said we are not to sell it but to give it back to her so she can put it in her loft to keep. We have asked her why and she just said she wants to keep it. We have explained we need the money and she has said tough. Irrelevant but her financial position is much much much better than ours to the point she doesn't have to work because she has so much disposable income and has never had a mortgage because she could afford to buy houses outright. We are talking 7 figures. We are struggling on benefits due to disability and lack of childcare (which she won't help out with because it interrupts her routine).

AIBU to think this is weird and to want to continue to sell it? I feel it was given to us to use, it has been used by us and is ours and therefore we can now dispose of it as we like?

I'd be tempted to ask what is actually going to happen to it between you giving it to her to put in her loft, and you doing the house clearance when she dies/moves into a care home (apart from it getting so old and dusty and outdated that it's no longer any use to anyone else).

And that was on the back of me answering a question that was asked about my original comment I think YABU actually. If you were strapped for cash you should have asked her if she's ok with you selling it before you bought a new pushchair and car seat. They're not cheap and if you'd have asked she'd have probably been fine with it. It's rude to sell on expensive gifts.

I don't need to calm down. You need to read a conversation if you're going to be short with someone based on something they've said rather than wading in on half a conversation.

I'd just ignore her. If she brings it up again say it's already sold, too late.

She gave it to you as a gift. It's yours to do with as you please. Keep it, pass it on or sell it, she's got no say in the matter. If it was a loan, that would be different, but it wasn't. If she brings it up again, I would politely say that you own the item and it's up to you to decide what to do with it. Don't engage on the matter further after that - change the topic of conversation or leave.

It's a gift. She can't ask for it back.

Tell her you're sorry but It already sold.

You used it when it was the right size for your baby and now you are using it again by releasing the value to spend on something else your baby needs.

You're not obliged to give her it. Presumably there was no written contract of ownership when she gave it to you. It's yours to do with what you like. If you need the cash you should carry on trying to sell it. What can she do? The relationship is going to be shit after this anyway, you may as well get some cash out of it.

I hate it when people do stuff like this. I once had a friend give me a load of baby clothes that her ds had outgrown. I assumed she was giving me them to keep but a few months down the line she asked for them back. I was mortified because my ds had grown out of them by then and I'd donated them. I guess you should always check these things before accepting 'gifts'.

My only thought is how long have you used it? Are we talking 6 months, or less than a year? If so I can understand her being a bit put out if you're selling it already. But if you've had it and used it for more than a year I think she IBU

Ahhh I don't think anyone is coming out of this too well 🙈

I do think it's odd that MIL wants it back, only to have it gathering dust in her loft.

HOWEVER, maybe she thinks it's impolite to sell something that has been presented to you as a gift? Personally I think you should have mentioned you were planning to sell it before listing it on FB marketplace. Not for permission, but more as a courtesy, especially if she uses FB and is therefore probably going to see it on her newsfeed (I see all sorts of stuff my FB friends are selling).

I agree for large things like this, I think offering to sell it is fine if you're going to offer the money back. Baby clothes i think are fine though for some reason in my head.

Personally, I think the bigger picture here is why she is happy to live such a comfortable life whilst her only child is struggling financially. I know MN is very keen on parents not being obliged to give anything to their kids, but my parents have always helped out where they can when their finances are better than ours and it’s made a huge difference, and I will be doing everything I can to do the same for my kids.

I bought a travel system for my daughter and what she does with it is her own business! It was a gift. My grandson loves being in his pram and she’s got great use out of it, which gives me a great deal of pleasure.
Bottom line, it’s hers and what she does with it is none of my business.

Its very selfish of her especially when she knows you need the money. And I can’t believe she won’t offer some childcare. As in won’t not can’t. I wouldn’t really want this woman in my life…. Sell the pram and go very low contact.

I think she’s being mean and unreasonable. I have bought all my grandchildrens travel systems car seats etc and I much prefer that they are sold on when finished with My kids usually use the money for the next buggy/stroller or maybe new clothes for the DGC or even for a day out or part of a holiday. I don’t want my loft full of stuff I’ll never use!

There is a function on Facebook marketplace where you can hide whatever you are selling from friends. Bit late now but you'll know for next time.

I don't understand why she doesn't help you out with money if she's so wealthy and DH is her only child.

I know she has no obligation to do so but it's what parents do b if they can.

Does she not approve or your lifestyle of life choices?

I don't really know why I think this as maybe it seems irrational but I would have mentioned to her I was going to sell it before I did so out of courtesy.

But then of course I would have expected her to say that's fine.

Her wealth is her money but it feels very mean to not be helping you more than she is.

This wasn’t a hand me down though.

this was a gift. I give gifts and then it’s up to the recipient what they do with it. I’d rather they sold an unwanted item and get some pleasure/use out of the gift rather than hve or gather dust in a corner and take up space.

it’s a baby buggy, surely nobody is expected to keep those forever because they’re gifts!?

My MIL paid towards our baby buggy, I’m going to sell it now dc has grown out of it. I do not expect to give her a say or ask her permission before I do so. She’d think I’d lost my mind if I did anyway!

Sometimes it's not even a lifestyle thing. A lot of parents hold onto their wealth for their "old age" or believe they've done enough for their DC.
It's a bizarre way of thinking. If you've got money to really make a difference in your DC lives, that wouldn't leave you in financial difficulty, why wouldn't you help?

It's not bizarre at all. MIL knows she will have to fund her care in what for some reason you put in quotes as her old age, and is ensuring she will be able to do so. It sounds like her only son certainly won't be able to fund it for her.

The reason why I quoted it as I've heard many young grand parents use this example who are fit as a fiddle. I've literally quoted people I know say "I'm saving it for my old age". 🤨

It's her money at the end of the day. She can do as she wishes of course but it seems so strange that she would see her only son struggle and demand gifts back that they could use the money for. It's a costly price for nostalgia.

*use the money

She gifted it to you, so the way I see it, it's yours to do whatever you like with it
MiL must be aware of your financial situation and is really unreasonable asking for it back to gather dust in her attic
Personally I think I'd leave it to DH to state your position to her, and carry on advertising it.

YANBU in the slightest, it is strange to ask for a gift back, especially to sit in her loft. Also, it is a gift, it's yours to do what you want with, she isn't entitled to it.
As another poster mentioned, there is a function to hide Marketplace posts from Facebook friends in future.
In this situation, just tell her you already sold it.

Yes, it's a bit weird. This'd be much more understandable if there were potentially more grandchildren to come, and that she'd intended this as more of a shared resource. Maybe she hasn't given up on that/maybe she needs to be properly told the score here?

She can ask her accountant this but you are allowed to give away regular sums (say once a month) as long as they are from income, not from capital, and do not affect her lifestyle. There will be no tax to pay on these sums after death as long as the above conditions are fulfilled.

For example if she wanted to give you £50 per week on a regular basis she could.

It's part of estate planning if you don't want to give the Govt too much tax.

If it's the case that she could sell some of her properties and they would pay care home fees for 10 or 20 years then to give you a small regular sum would be easy, helpful and indeed prudent in that it would save tax in the long run.

I don't expect this to happen, just saying there are ways for wealthy people to help their children fairly painlessly.