Bow out of two abroad weddings!!!

[Jimjams3021]

As the title suggests.
Two abroad weddings invited to for 2023. Both rearranged from covid lockdowns. Individually these will cost in to the thousands and would be our "family holidays" if we do still go. I am not sure we can afford either let alone both.
The first wedding we originally had a plus one and an invite for our 18 month old, and the second wedding I am meant to be an usher and we have been told is child free.
The first wedding has now changed their minds to no longer have plus ones or children, due to the cost of living (made me laugh considering they are still expecting us to spend thousands to go!). But they are still planning on events in the lead up to the wedding day as well as after... all pretty over the top in my opinion. Meaning we wouldn't even be able to make a holiday out of this due to being tied into all this other stuff to do...
To add to this, we will also have our new, breastfed (probably breastfed as our first was) baby as well as our toddler.
My wife is not keen to go to either, mainly due to the excessive cost and also the stress of going on these "holidays" to destinations that don't seem to be child friendly. They are amazing locations, but both are about 2-3 hours drive from a nearest airport and are very much a couples holiday or family holiday for older children.
We can't even save much money by only going for a few days.... and the stress and amount of things we will need to take would make it almost pointless going for 4 days!
How do we bow out? Or are we being
unreasonable?
Thank you.

If your decide as a couple to get married abroad because it could be cheaper, have better weather and you can have a nice honeymoon in the same area you have to expect some wedding rejections.

The reality at the moment is that the cost of living has gone up so much people don't have the cash to spend on friends expensive destination weddings. Then if you go your using up days of holidays leave and spending a fortune as well.
In your own circumstances you have a wife, baby and a small child so I would just decline both invitations.

I would say that you are unable to attend but you look forward to seeing them once they come back from their honeymoon. Perhaps you could all arrange to meet up for a meal and a few drinks out then.

I really strongly disagree with many of the suggested responses. Whatever your reason for not going, it can easily be misinterpreted as chippy by whoever is reading and let’s face it weddings are a sensitive time.

1. I can’t afford it = I’d rather spend my money on something else (in this case sounds v much what’s going on which is fine but no need to draw attention to it)
2. I can’t possibly come and leave wife to manage with young baby at home = we all know I actually could if I wanted to but this provides a convenient excuse that you can’t really contradict as it makes you sound like the bad guy if you do

i think the tone of the rejection is WAY more important than the reason.

we are so sorry, we really tried our hardest to think through all the options but we just can’t make it work .

If they ask you in person say it was combination of lots of different factors together (logistics, cost, hassle of looking after babies when there and not being able to enjoy the day) etc

I don’t know why people get so concerned about giving a reason for declining invites.
I totally understand that you’ve already accepted previous iterations of the invites, but if you now can’t make it, all you need to say is that you’re sorry but you can no longer attend.
If you give plenty of notice, you’re allowing them time to make changes to their plans and you’re not making any justifications for the decisions which could later be picked apart. I’m absolutely sure that the folks getting married will be more worried about how their day goes than who attended in the end, and choosing to have a wedding abroad comes with those risks, as PP have mentioned.

Personally, I can’t stand weddings so over the years I’ve perfected the “sorry, can’t make it, hope you have a lovely day” reply.