Wtf is with this submissive women trend recently?

[lousyanxiety]

I'm seeing this everywhere on social media atm. Young women talking about returning to the "natural feminine state" of being "submissive" to your partner. It seems to include leaving your job, becoming a stay at home wife (or even girlfriend), cooking and cleaning for your partner, tending to all his needs, and leaving him in control of all the finances and difficulty of life.

Basically, you need to tap into your "divine feminine" energy to bring out a mans "masculine" energy to make him provide for you, take care of you, and stay loyal to you. And a woman who has "masculine" energy (aka provides for herself and is independent) will never truly be happy 🤔
Apparently the idea that women could have it all - career, kids, happy marriage etc was a lie and it's easier to just rely on a partner...
Whats so crazy about this is its WOMEN saying this stuff.

I mean... I thought we'd got past this mentality a long effing time ago??? Surely this is only going to benefit the man in the long run.

Is this a movement thats stemming from these alpha male podcasts? What is happening?

I haven't had time to read the whole thread, but this is something that I have seen (not a lot - not mainstream), and it concerns me. I had a thought about something I have heard from a few men during that lifetime. That women should be grateful for the freedoms they have been given by men, and quit moaning and expecting more (There are people I know who believe this and I'm not that old.) I started thinking that if (some) men actually think equality for women was a "gift" that has been abused then they may start to work on influencing younger generations into going back to the way it was. If this is successfully done they will work to make sure it stays that way. I actually worry than in future decades feminism is seen as a threat to society, I hope I think too much!

Me too, but I'm still left with, now all the kids are grown up what does she do? And she is still at the mercy of her husband having an affair/leaving her. And she will have nothing (except God apparently) can you imagine if he had left her just after the last child was born and she had no choice but to work. Her attitude would be different.
Apart from some time on benefits I've worked since I was old enough to have a paper round I think 13 back then. And much as I would love to give up work I realise I'd be bored shitless in two weeks. Actually the first lockdown taught me how bloody bored I'll be when I retire (although the unable to really go anywhere was an added problem) I would definitely need to volunteer if I'm capable.

The point is because of feminism we can choose this lifestyle. I like to serve my husband by cooking, cleaning, running the home, etc. I'm still a feminist, we are equal partners and we respect each other.

@Terfydactyl Why does it bother you so much? She's not hurting anyone. You've chosen to work since 13, that's great, but not everything is about making money.

My concern with what these women are pitching to young girls as "dating advice" is: What happens in the event of divorce? What happens if in 15/20 years time he decides to leave you for a younger submissive wife? What happens when the kids are grown and you cant receive child maintenance for them anymore?
With no assets, no career, no financial safety net, how practical can it really be in the long term?

You're generalising again. I doubt many women who would completely skip an education and meekly chain themselves to the kitchen sink. You're always going to get gold diggers, but the majority of housewives or stay at home mums work hard to create a loving environment for their families. I see nothing wrong with that if both parties are in agreement and there's respect.

Generalising again? When did I generalise in the first place?

You're obviously not aware of the trend/videos we're talking about here. Nobody is referring to SAHMs or all housewives. And these women aren't "gold diggers" either.

This trend is intended to be dating advice for young women/girls, basically. The idea is that if you force yourself to be a "submissive" woman you will attract "masculine" men who will provide for you and take care of you, you'll never have to work again and nothing could possibly go wrong. It's selling young women a pipe dream, basically.
Literally just re-read my OP, or maybe you lack the reading comprehension.

I think this is really about some women want to live a life of being a homemaker and sown men liking this set up

they see this as the ideal and trying to convince others

right now I would pick being a homemaker with a providing husband than being a single mum with a good career the responsibility is heavy and tiring

but ultimately I believe women need to look after their financial interests and be able to be independent but I also think men need to be able to be independent too

Perhaps I am a little out of touch but there's no need to be rude. I've seen it time and time again on here - ridiculing and belittling women who choose to 'stay at home'. I feel you're just coming at it from another angle.

@Vincitveritas

Comparing submissive wives with stay at home mothers is like comparing apples and oranges (imo), and bringing it into the discussion muddies the waters a bit. Submissiveness in any gender, for any reason can be considered worrying if it runs through all areas of life? Stay at home mums aren't necessarily (or even commonly) submissive. I certainly wasn't and I don't think anyone who is/was a stay at home mother was!

I see where you are coming from though!

I think it is reasonable to be concerned for women potentially making themselves financially and socially vulnerable in later life by following an ideology that removes their financial independence and ability to make decisions. Especially if the ideology will then blame them for it: "if only you'd tried a bit harder to express your feminine energy then hubby wouldn't have shagged that 21 year old in the office!"

@JimJamJollyWolly Thank you and I take your points on board.

I knew a lovely lady who stayed home for years to raise her three children (one was disabled). She moved over from her home country and they shared a huge, beautiful house that was magazine cover worthy. Her husband had an affair, became very abusive and finally divorced her. She moved her children into a small semi detached suburban home, found a job and worked her way up. It was tough but friends and family rallied round and she's now doing very well.

it's disgusting and harmful but no doubt @MaryChild and her ilk will be here before long to defend it

I particularly don't think the part about ' staying loyal to you' is going to work at all. Men, I'm sure, will think that their reward for handling all 'life's difficulties ' will be to have affairs on the side, or to do a trade up, once the kids are older and little woman at home is spending more time on coffee mornings and less on caring for kids.

I don't think this dynamic turns sour like this if the relationship has developed homogeneously to suit the children and the desires of both partners. I think there is nothing wrong with being a SAHM. But the artificial thing of following tik tok, and trying to mould yourself to be a damsel in distress who needs rescuing is a bit cynical.

I have heard something of this attitude. One of my son's male carers who came from an Eastern European country told me it was absolutely imperative for the man to be able to bring in the money. What, I believe, sometimes happens, is the women spend their time nagging the men to bring in more and more money - showing very little of what I would call 'feminine charm' and acting like Lady Macbeth: ' if you were a man, you would .....etc. etc.' Poor man is not really treated lovingly, in my opinion.

These dynamics work terribly badly when step children are involved, because obviously, 'little feminine me' second wife doesn't want hubby to be looking after first wife and family because he is a resource which needs to be monopolised by the second nest of needy chicks.

Oh my aching sides!

Each to their own, but there's not a chance I'd be doing this. Besides, the cost of living is so high at the moment, most families need both parents to be working full time to make ends meet. What are these stupid women supposed to do then? Work all day, then go home and set to work every evening and all weekend on the housekeeping, while Billy BigBalls sits there on his arse being waited on hand and foot?

Fuck that.

I haven't noticed such a "trend", but then I'm not on FB or Instagram. Is this where it's happening? Maybe it's a backlash to the non-binary / genderless trend of the last couple of years?

I think behind all the window dressing, it's really just blaming women for (some) men's bad behaviour. Of course he is abusive, of course he cheats- you have emasculated him. If you give him back his masculine power you will both be happy ever after. Unfortunately this won't resolve any abusive traits as they are the responsibility of the abuser.

pairedlife.com/relationships/How-to-Be-a-Submissive-Wife

I saw this ages ago but its a funny but depressing read

I think men are already suspicious, because of the history of how it's been between the sexes for sixty years.

There are divorces, in which the women get more assets: a big thing 20-30 years ago. That is changing now - 50/50 custody and having the kids live in both homes equally is more common now and, also, post-divorce, women being told they have to get a job and not expect ex to maintain them.

Then there's women wearing tight clothes, going all out to sexually attract men - but they don't want every man who might admire their physiques: only the ones who meet their criteria. So men feel a bit played.

What I'm trying to say, is many men probably feel that women try to use them, so this recent bit of nonsense is just more of the same but different: something else to be jaded, suspicious and cynical about.

Probably the women who try to pretend to be helpless females ( if this is channeling femininity) are the ones who are a bit manipulative about sexualising their appearance and looking out for a rich guy, regardless of whether they fancy him and feel a connection.

I think men and women just ought to be honest, supportive and kind with each other. It's the only way to put decades of unhealthy ideas behind us.

It is depressing! And I am not the most intelligent person in the world but there is so much there that even I could legitimately dispute. Being a stay at home submissive wife gives you financial protection? And the workplace is not pro-woman, so the best thing to do is leave it? It's articles like that that really make you understand the claims about the dangers of what is on the internet!

And there is a lot more there....

Where are the submissive husband articles? I mean I am being facetious but really!

I'm not "bothered"
If it works out for the women, fabulous, good for them.
But one look at the relationship board and my own personal experience and others I know experiences, it's not foolproof.
I want women to at least be capable of being employed should the whole thing go bad.
Whatever form that takes makes no odds to me.

Being a stay at home submissive wife gives you financial protection?

Who says you need to be submissive to be a sahp?
My mum was a sahp, dad worked to provide for the family, mum ran the household. Worked for them. I went home after school to mum, no childcare, meals prepared fresh, shopping several times a week (no fridge freezer, no ready meals)..
Things change. With energy prices increasing childcare may become unaffordable as they raise prices, Some of us may have to stay and do our own childcare again.

I am wondering if it's because of the recent Netflix documentary 'Keep Sweet, Pray and Obey.' It's a truly horrific exposé of a religious cult in Utah and Arizona. Their leader Warren Jeff's is serving a life sentence.
Even though it's so dreadful, it might make some people start to think along those lines.

I was talking about what was said in the article. That's not my opinion. I am absolutely fine with stay at home mums (been one) but it does not offer you financial protection. It just doesn't, and the article said it does.

Please don't take one line out of context and argue about it. It's annoying.

I've watched that documentary and what was happening to those women and girls was truly disgusting. I would hope it acts as a deterrent rather than the opposite!