Wtf is with this submissive women trend recently?

[lousyanxiety]

I'm seeing this everywhere on social media atm. Young women talking about returning to the "natural feminine state" of being "submissive" to your partner. It seems to include leaving your job, becoming a stay at home wife (or even girlfriend), cooking and cleaning for your partner, tending to all his needs, and leaving him in control of all the finances and difficulty of life.

Basically, you need to tap into your "divine feminine" energy to bring out a mans "masculine" energy to make him provide for you, take care of you, and stay loyal to you. And a woman who has "masculine" energy (aka provides for herself and is independent) will never truly be happy 🤔
Apparently the idea that women could have it all - career, kids, happy marriage etc was a lie and it's easier to just rely on a partner...
Whats so crazy about this is its WOMEN saying this stuff.

I mean... I thought we'd got past this mentality a long effing time ago??? Surely this is only going to benefit the man in the long run.

Is this a movement thats stemming from these alpha male podcasts? What is happening?

I see what you're saying here. Women shouldn't have to act like men to be successful and success shouldn't be measured in one way. You're forgetting though, that many women genuinely love doing and are interested in tasks/activities that are stereotypically masculine. And these women aren't adopting these interests or doing these things because they feel it's the only way to get ahead. Examples: some women love bodybuilding, or working hard in a corporate job, and it's not because they feel like they have to. Some women are very strong willed and are natural leaders, and they aren't faking it to try be accepted by society. Im all for women making their own choices, and it's sad that some women feel they have to be stereotypically masculine to be successful.

well I am a woman with a stereotypically masculine career history, but then again a lot of the interesting jobs were stereotypically masculine until recently. And the ways of doing them have been stereotypically masculine too. This is changing and so is the binary where masc has been strong and fem therefore weak. We have to bring the balance and that means valuing the female and woman stereotypes.

My job includes carrying heavy things and delegating to men and being delegated to! And it’s not without complications. Of course women aren’t faking their leadership or wilfulness, but it’s disingenuous to say it’s all smooth sailing for them being shoehorned into a masculine paradigm, in how they’re received and how they progress and the standards they’re measured against. Like I said it’s not my way of thinking, the trad wife thing feels like an equal and opposite extreme to the be your own pimp girlbossing. But I do like championing female things and re-examining my own biases.

A lot of the women I've met don't feel that way, instead they feel pressure to be feminine when they aren't naturally very feminine.

because “woman” and “feminine” has become a performance rather than a state of being. It doesn’t serve the current state of things for us to be connected to our bodies as owner and enjoyers, womens health is still sidelined, the reality of ageing inconvenient because we become unfuckable in the eyes of men we shouldn’t give a minute to. Wouldn’t it be nice if being a woman was just feeling comfortable in and enjoying your body as it goes through all the constant fucking changes we deal with and having society support that and value it. To me that’s the goal of “being in your feminine energy.” Feeling like I’m enough as I am, not like a failure for not having it all and being perfect/ all things to all people all the time.

With all due respect, that sounds very very woo thinking, especially these days with how faithful, ect people are.

But at the same time, if that's their beliefs, then that's up to them.

Oh my god, the 'patriarchy'

Such a victim mentality.

Women have agency and choice about how they live their lives and what they believe in. If women choose this for themselves thats up to them. It has its pros and cons as many have identified on this thread.

You keep telling yourself that.

In the meantime 51% of the world's population are disproportionately raped, murdered, subjected to domestic violence, aborted, lack equal (or any) medical care, lack equal pay and opportunity with men and even in the so superior and advanced West women still pay the lifetime maternity tax even if they immediately return to work after giving birth.

But yes all so boring - stick to tiktok, it might fit your attention span.

Like it or not, in the UK we do actually live in a patriarchy:

Primogeniture still exists ✔️
The majority of positions of power and influence are held by men ✔️
Gender pay gap exists (in favour of men) ✔️
Glass ceiling hasn't been fully smashed in many industries ✔️
Safety features designed for the male body and not the female ✔️
Female bodies still excluded from medical and scientific research and testing, skewing the results in real terms ✔️

I could go on, but you get the gist.

Do I live with a victim mentality? No, I don't.

I wouldn't worry about it as economically there's no way most families could survive on a single salary, especially with the cost of living crisis.

I heard two women recently discussing Meghan Markle recently saying how inspirational she is; how lucky she is to have married into great wealth, and to have such a fabulous life on Easy Street. But realistically, that's not going to happen to most women is it? Their reality is going to be very different.

This is to do with spiritualism.
Having masculine or feminine energy is just that....energy.
Its not to do with wether you work, are a sahm, pay ur own bills etc. Its about energy.

You sound very different from them. You sought personal satisfaction in life and it came in the form of homemaking. IMO that's as liberated and feminist as being a high-flying careerist. You are not evangelising for women to be obedient to selfish, disappointing, misogynistic men.

I tend not to judge other people's relationships. Tbh

Well some women are lazy and want an easy life and they see behaving like this as their meal ticket. Not the life for me or my DH, he would lose all respect for me if I suddenly changed personality and became subservient.

I’d lose respect for me!

Obviously completely bonkers, but I would agree is also a lie. Not to the extent of relying on the partner for everything, but for the majority of women it is not feasible to do it all by themselves.
Apparently the idea that women could have it all - career, kids, happy marriage etc was a lie and it's easier to just rely on a partner...

It is a lie. Imagine if wages were adequate for one person to stay at home, or both part time, and do the childcare and house work. It’s would be bliss. You’d have spare time. It should however be men who tap into their divine energy to run the house and raise the children because then it would be given serious work status.

It's just so dangerous for women - especially in the UK which is so pitiful about spousal maintenance, you could do this for 10 or 20 years and walk away with basically nothing for dedicating your life to supporting your husband, while he's had a willing servant doing everything for him just for the cost of board and lodging.

Who would take that risk? I note they don't make sure to advocate that the women should have an equal pension and savings set up in their own name by their protector and provider. That the woman's expected to submit to everything, but there's no standard required from the men, no minimum salary required.

I don’t think these are connected, but this is MN so there’s always someone around to mention it.

It’s a bit of a fantasy though isn’t it?

You have got up of a cold wet winter morning, got the kids up, made breakfast, threw some ham sandwiches together, wrestled everyone to school, got to work (slightly late and you can see your boss frowning) spent all day at work, come home to a messy house, stuck chicken nuggets and chips in the oven , helped with homework….

The thought of packing the kids of to school with a prefect lunch then had time to leisurely tidy up, go to the gym, lunch with friends and make a home cooked dinner sounds great.

Are these women American though?

If it's such a great ideal why aren't women fighting men for the privilege to stay at home ?

@bellac11 not man hating. The cause is capitalism rather than ‘men’. We have a society that values money above all else including repopulating. Tricky times lay ahead as the birth rate in the west declines further & further. X

It’s a bit of a fantasy though isn’t it?

that was one of my big thoughts about surrendered wives.
Surrendered until.... he cheats, gambles money away, supports the wrong politics, goes to a weird church, invests in bitcoin, starts Morris Dancing.... The women most saying they are reborn submissives are among the strongest willed people out there, they aren't genuinely compromising sorts.

I wish I hadn't looked.
It's just made me angry

I always think if staying at home with the kids and handing all the financial earning & power to someone else was so great, men would do it.

I'm not worrying about this. Most women have got to work at least one job atm to keep up with the cost of living.
I would love the luxury of embracing my divine feminine and becoming nurturer and home-maker. I enjoy all of that, and it's how I feel happiest.
But that's all made up fluffy nonsense for most of us.

I think it is a natural response to the idea that women can “have it all”. A husband, a few beautifully behaved children and a fantastic high powered career.
I have the husband, one tantrummy child, and not what I’d call a high powered career - but a career! Like others have said, when you’re running from pillar to post along with all the mental load that comes from running a home and having a full time job and managing your children… I’m also guilty of fantasising of just handing it all off to someone else and not having to worry!
However, I got a small taste of what it may be like when I had my maternity leave and was bored out of my mind.
Grass isn’t always greener!

For years, (my mother and grandmother) women were gaslit into believing men have a hard day at work and the woman's role is to make sure he's well cared for at home. Man earns and woman does everything else. Children, housework, cooking

Bugger that! I know who had the easier day

Now we do both. But I think men have a lot
To learn